Let It Go
by Handful of Barbie
Summary: Set after S3, Lorelai does some soul-searching and decides to explore rather than avoid her feelings. But if you love someone, you want them to be happy and sometimes that means sacrificing your own happiness. JavaJunkie
1. Thinking

**Author's Note:** _No, it's not about "Frozen". The title for this comes from that old saying "If you love something, set it free (or let it go)..."_

 _I wanted to take some of Lorelai's behavior - behavior that I strongly relate to - a bit further than they did on the show, but to do that I needed her to be a lot more self-aware than she was on the show. So in this story, Lorelai does some soul-searching that's OoC for her. Still, I don't think I stretch the characters too far, or at least I hope not._

 _Warnings:_

 _It takes place following S3, going AU from there. I borrow a lot of dialogue and events from S4 & S5 of the show, but alter them, put them in different contexts, and mix up the timeline a LOT. _

_It is always third person, but the POV isn't an objective narrator. Mostly. I wanted to tell the story from Lorelai's POV, but found I really couldn't tell the whole story that way. Still, I wanted what I wanted, so I just wrote it the way the story told me to. So it's Lorelai's POV until 60-70% into the story, then it isn't. Then it's someone else's, then it's Luke's. Then it's Lorelai's again. Then it's Luke's again. Sorry about that._

 **Thinking**

 _That's strange_ , she thought when she opened the door to the diner and didn't hear the bells ring, but she quickly forgot about the bells as she heard every voice in the place shout "Lorelai!", then go back to their meals. "What's going on, Lorelai?" Luke asked as she proceeded to her regular stool at the counter and watched Luke pour a cup of coffee and place it in front of her. Lane was rushing around, taking and serving orders. _Since when does Lane work in the diner?_ she thought. Kirk sat on the stool next to her, pontificating about the risks and benefits of using reclaimed water to grow tomatoes. She could hear the faint sounds of a game of pool going on in the back room and it didn't even cross her mind that Luke's had no pool table or a back room - well, it had a storage room, but no back room where patrons were welcome.

"Make that 'What's going _in_ Lorelai', and the answer is 'coffee'," she replied. _That sounded familiar_ …

Luke smiled at her joke, then stared into her eyes so intensely that she thought she might melt under the heat. She looked from left to right and discovered that the diner was now empty. How much time had gone by?

"Luke? Is something wrong?" she asked nervously.

"Nope," he replied in a quiet voice. "Everything is right."

Her eyes and body tracked him as he walked slowly around the counter, without taking his eyes off of hers, until he was standing in front of her. She watched him raise his hand and slowly place it on her cheek. His touch was soft and warm, inviting. "Luke?" she whispered, unable to shift her gaze from his beautiful blue eyes until his own gaze dipped to her lips as he leaned down to kiss her. Their lips brushed, then softly pressed together. Her hands found his chest, then slid upward until they were around his neck, pulling her body up off the stool as they went. She wasn't quite standing, however, because she had no strength in her knees. Instead, she relied on Luke's strong arms, which were now firmly around her waist, one hand on the small of her back, pressing her into him, to hold her up.

The warmth and security she felt was amazing. She wondered how she could ever describe it without using that word, because 'amazing' was all she could think of at the moment. Amazing. _Amazing_.

She didn't ask what had come over him, what had prompted him to take their relationship beyond the deep friendship they shared. She just rolled with it and appreciated it and lived for the moment. She parted her lips and deepened the kiss even more, licking his tongue and inviting it to dance with hers. She moaned when he responded in kind, setting every nerve ending in her body on fire. They kissed passionately, then pulled back softly, then dove in again. One of her hands played with the curls on the back of his neck while the other roamed his shoulders, pushing him as if she could somehow move him closer. One of his hands plunged into her hair while the other held her body tightly to his.

 _So this is what it feels like_ , she thought.

When they pulled their lips away from each other to breathe, Lorelai opened her mouth to make an emotional confession and declaration, but no sound came out. _No!_ she thought, struggling to get the words out. _Not now!_ But all she could do was look at him sadly while he waited for her to say something, his face growing concerned, then dejected.

Then the image faded away as the sounds of two different snorers grew louder. Her mind slowly recognized reality and cursed it. Not that her reality was all that bad right now. It wasn't. Despite the unpleasantness of sleeping in a room with a bunch of strangers every night, it had been a wonderful trip and it wasn't over yet. But the dream was calling her back to it. The warmth, the comfort, the affection...

She dreamt about Luke often these days, probably because she thought about him so much. Last night she had lain in her bunk with her eyes closed, thinking about him, for nearly an hour before she drifted off to sleep. They were six weeks into their trip and this was the way nearly every evening had ended. During the day, she had no time for private thoughts about Luke or anything else, but as soon as her head hit the pillow at night, the gears in her mind went into overdrive. She could no longer suppress the thoughts that had percolated during the day.

While walking, sightseeing, eating, and shopping Rory and Lorelai talked almost constantly, often about Stars Hollow and its quirky, loveable residents. They also talked a lot about the way their lives were about to be upended. They were both at crossroads of sorts, but Rory had little appreciation for how much her mother's life was changing and Lorelai did her best to keep it that way. She wanted her daughter to think of her home as stable and secure, a safety net that she could return to if needed. Not that it wasn't a stable home, but there were so many unknowns in Lorelai's life that she couldn't help feeling like a leaf blowing in the wind. That sounded like a pleasant metaphor and it created a pretty visual, but 'pretty' did nothing to settle the butterflies that seem to have taken up permanent residence in her stomach, letting their presence be known whenever a thought of Stars Hollow, its resident diner owner, or her own future crossed her mind.

In her professional life, Lorelai knew which way to turn. The road ahead was dark and scary, full of the unknown, but she knew she had to go that way. The path she had been on for the last 17 years hit a dead end when the Independence Inn caught fire a few months ago, but serendipity stepped in as the property she and Sookie wanted for their own inn suddenly became available thanks to the timely death of its owner. Lorelai hated to think of the death of her neighbor, Fran, (or anyone, for that matter) as 'timely', but it really was. It was also eerily timely that she had recently received a windfall (in the form of the payout of an investment her father had made in her name at her birth) which would make the purchase of said property possible. Between that, her generous severance, Sookie's investment, and a mortgage/construction loan, they had enough money to both purchase and renovate the place. But she wanted to do more than just renovate. She wanted it to be perfect. She just had to trust that fate would once again step in if and when she found herself unable to pay for those little details (like the addition of horses, maybe) that would make her inn what she had been imagining. Then, once it was open, there was no guarantee of success. Most small inns close before their second birthday. Lorelai was both terrified and excited.

Then there was the matter of how to pay her own mortgage and other living expenses for the year that it would take to get the Dragonfly Inn up and running. Rory's tuition and board were taken care of, so at least she didn't need to worry about her, but Lorelai wasn't sure the party planning and catering business that she and Sookie were about to launch would provide enough income. There were so many things that could go wrong. Her business life was indeed a mess, but at least her direction and goals were clear.

In her home life she also had no choice but to take a different path. The daughter who had been most of her world for the last 18 ½ years was leaving. Sure, she'd be back for visits. Summers, weekends, anytime the laundry piled up, but the simple fact that Rory wouldn't be there each day, hogging the remote, sitting at a table with her at Luke's, spectating with her at the town meetings, was difficult to comprehend. Since the day that Lorelai left home, when her daughter wasn't much more than a year old, raising Rory consumed most of her thoughts and activities. When she wasn't actively taking care of the child, she was working to make the money she needed to support them, worrying about money, or worrying about Rory's well-being. To say that this adjustment wouldn't be easy was like describing a prison sentence as a 'little break from the daily grind'. Lorelai felt like she was about to have a leg amputated.

And then there was Luke.

Unlike in her professional and home lives, no rug was being pulled out from under her love life. Nothing had burned down, nobody had left her at the altar or anything. Still, Lorelai almost felt as if she was being forced to change course. She felt so compelled to at least consider a new path that she was overwhelmed with thoughts of him. It wasn't the dead ends she was met with in recent years that made her move in a different direction. It was the persistent, growing, feeling that she was missing something specific, and that something was Luke Danes.

Lorelai didn't even know how or when these thoughts started. There was a time, years ago, when she was attracted to him. Very attracted, actually. But things had happened. Rachel came home. Max proposed. Jess arrived. Time went by and their friendship deepened until she was terrified of the possibility of losing it. She needed Luke and some part of her knew this. So she had gone on with life, turning to Luke for friendship and offering the same in return. But when Nicole came along, something changed. Maybe it was because she and Luke had become closer in the last year or so. Sookie got married, Jess and Rory started dating, and Luke and Lorelai turned to each other for all of the things that friends turn to each other for - help, support, companionship.

Whatever the reason, when he started dating Nicole, the pangs of jealousy that she had felt when he was with Rachel returned, but they were accompanied by a bitterness that was new. She tried to dismiss it as simply a dislike of the skinny lawyer. After all, she had _liked_ Rachel. But she knew she had nothing on which to base a dislike of Nicole. She hadn't spent any time with her at all, hadn't gotten to know her. She didn't want to.

Then that bitterness grew. It had children and grandchildren. By the time Luke had asked her opinion about his summer plans at Rory's graduation, the taste in Lorelai's mouth made her want to vomit. But she sucked it up and told him what she thought he wanted to hear, what she thought would make him happy: that he should go for it. And with that, she broke her own heart. The second the words were out of her mouth, she wanted to take them back. Inside she wanted to scream _No! Don't go anywhere with her! Don't commit to her!_ , but instead she doubled down, reassuring him that hesitating was silly.

Normally, Lorelai would just deny the feelings - to everyone around her _and_ to herself. She would tell the well-meaning throng of meddlers over and over that she and Luke were _just friends_ , that he didn't have 'a thing for her'. _Move along, folks. Nothing to see here_. She would plunge herself into her work or, even more likely, find a man whose affections were safer, whose attention didn't bring such strong emotions to the surface where they could be exposed and rubbed raw. But she didn't want to do that anymore. This level of self-awareness was new to her, but it was a long time coming.

Lorelai was forced to grow up quickly when, as she had phrased it, "the stick turned pink". She was far beyond her years in many ways such as her work ethic and her judgment in matters pertaining to her daughter. But in protecting her daughter, she had sacrificed many of the personal experiences that most people learn and grow from. She had dated, but, as Sookie reminded her occasionally, her relationships rarely lasted more than two months. It wasn't until Max that anyone felt 'right' enough to take the risk - the risk that Rory would become attached and get hurt when it didn't work out, the risk that Lorelai would fall in love and get hurt.

When it came to romance and her feelings about men, Lorelai was immature and she knew it. Her relationship with Max wasn't healthy. In many ways he treated her like a child and in many ways she acted like one. She became wrapped up in the idea of having someone to grow old with, someone who would take care of her. She neglected her gut, which told her that she wouldn't be happy with being coddled and doted on, especially by someone she didn't really love. She needed a partner who saw and treated her as an equal, not a trophy. She needed someone who would protect her, but appreciate her independence. Someone who would take care of her, but knew she didn't really _need_ someone to take care of her.

She needed to stop allowing that part of her life to just happen _to_ her and instead take more control over it. She needed to examine her feelings and figure out what she wanted the way she did in her professional life and the way she parented Rory. She was 36 years old. It was time to grow up and do some serious soul searching.

So the night before she and Rory left for Europe, Lorelai made a decision to take advantage of being away from Stars Hollow, away from Sookie and Miss Patty and anyone else (except Rory) whose voices muddied the waters, and invest some serious vacation time in thinking about Luke. She decided to think about the jealousy and longing that was overshadowing everything else in her life, even the very serious and scary professional cliff off of which she had just jumped.

But she couldn't talk to Rory about Luke, either. Not only was this something that she needed to work out for herself, but she didn't want Rory's relationship with Luke to be affected, especially when she had no idea what the outcome would be. There were too many unknowns. No, this was something she had to think through on her own.

So, for six weeks their days had been filled with walking and exploring, with ruins and art and history and food and drink, with pep talks and motherly advice-giving. Rory shared her fears about being on her own and her worries that she might not be up for the challenges of an Ivy League university, but Lorelai kept the discussion of her own challenges positive. She talked about floor plans, curtains, and Michel. She talked about the weddings and birthday parties she and Sookie would do. She talked about the baby Sookie would have in November. She kept the rest to herself and tried not to think about it until night fell.

And now, six weeks later, she wasn't much closer to an action plan than she had been at the start of their trip. Her thoughts tended to go in circles. Her first concerns were that she was having these feelings for Luke because of the other stresses in her life. It made sense that she would latch on to someone like Luke to keep from being alone when Rory left. This thought freaked her out for a good week, but she searched her past for any indication of a pattern of this kind of behavior and found none. In fact, it seemed a very out-of-character response for Lorelai, the fiercely independent woman who did _everything_ on her own. While she had sought relationships with men like Max and Christopher, she realized that she hadn't done so because she was afraid to be alone. She had sought them out because they were 'safe' alternatives to Luke. 'Safe' because those relationships didn't involve the intense, scary emotions that even her friendship with Luke always evoked. 'Alternatives' because, she came to realize, she always seemed to turn to them whenever Luke was occupied (with Rachel or Nicole) or not speaking to her.

Eventually she decided that no, these feelings for Luke _probably_ weren't about filling a void that Rory might leave. Then a week later she once again felt anxious and worried that they were and if that's what it was about she couldn't risk their friendship to find out. Then she dismissed that fear once again.

Or maybe it was her fear of failure that led her to cling to Luke. After all, he was the one person she would confide in about those fears. She couldn't share them with Rory and she couldn't share them with Sookie, either. Her business partner needed to have faith in the venture. Luke was the perfect sounding board. He always managed to say the right thing. He made sure that she knew that he believed in her and he somehow managed to do that without making it feel like pandering. She needed that.

But why would a fear of failure make her long for Luke? He was a supportive friend; she didn't need a romantic involvement with him to have that support. In fact, moving beyond friendship would be a risk in that area, too.

No, these feelings were not about her fear of failure. Normally, the stress of work would make her put on blinders and steer clear of men altogether. No, this wasn't about needing a man or being alone. This was about _Luke_.

Eventually she landed on another thought: maybe these feelings for Luke were not new at all. Maybe she had been holding him at arm's length (if a deep friendship could be considered 'arm's length') _until_ Rory left home. Maybe it wasn't about being alone, but about the fact that she would no longer have to worry about Rory's role in the relationship. She didn't have to think about that time, almost three years ago, when Rory freaked out about the possibility of Lorelai dating Luke. She wouldn't have to worry that Rory's only real father figure besides her grandfather would suddenly be off-limits if she and Luke broke up. Of course, she never really had to worry about that. Luke had developed his own relationship long ago with Rory, who went to the diner often with Lane or just by herself.

The thought that her 'new' feelings for Luke were just buried desires that recently came bubbling to the surface seemed right, made the most sense. It _felt_ right. And that made those desires a lot less scary.

So now she had to decide what if anything she was going to _do_ about it all, and she needed to do it soon.

~ OOOOO ~

"You really don't want to go?" Rory asked, a look of surprise on her face.

"We can go… if you really want to," Lorelai said cautiously, trying to gage if Rory was disappointed and just going along with what she wanted.

"I could take it or leave it; I'm just shocked that you don't want to," she replied honestly, "I mean, it's Bono, for cryin' out loud!"

"I know, and I would like to see Ireland, but I'm ready to go home. Aren't you ready to go home?"

"Absolutely. I could really go for a pizza," Rory said, her mouth watering.

"We had pizza in Italy just a week ago."

"Yeah, but that had real cheese and vegetables and hardly any meat. I want a greasy, New York-style _American_ pizza."

"I want a cheeseburger." Lorelai said, trying not to show how much she missed Luke.

"Mmmm… from Luke's…" Rory nodded, eyes closed. "But not unless Luke is back to cook it. Caesar's just aren't as good." It seemed the matter of whether to to extend their trip was settled and the answer was 'no'. They had been invited by a group of girls they'd met to accompany them to Ireland. The girls were planning to hang out at a hotel that U2 owned, hoping to catch a glimpse of the band. Since Lorelai had a thing for Bono, Rory was sure that she'd want to go, but she thanked them and said 'no'.

"He's back," Lorelai said. "When I talked to Sookie yesterday, she said that she and Jackson saw him at the diner."

"Oh, great. Did he have a good time on his cruise? That man needed a vacation."

"Yeah, he works hard, that one," Lorelai said. She was trying hard to keep a poker face. "I don't know if he had a good time. Sookie said he was acting weird. When she tried to ask him about his trip he dodged the questions and practically ran away."

"Hmmm… wonder what that's all about."

"Well, I guess we'll find out soon. Let's say goodbye to London and get a cab."

~ OOOOO ~

Rory slept on the flight home, giving Lorelai another opportunity to think. She was really tired of thinking. Not so much tired of thinking about Luke as tired of being so cerebral about it all. So she eased up a little, letting her mind wander for a bit, and suddenly it all seemed clear. Crystal clear.

Lorelai Gilmore was in love with Luke Danes.

There was no other conclusion that made sense and once she finally settled on it, she knew it to be truth. It was like one of those Gestalt puzzles or an optical illusion. Once you see it, you can't unsee it; once you know the answer, it seems obvious. What she still didn't know is what she was going to do about it.

What she _wanted_ to do was 1) tell everyone she knew how she felt, starting with Rory and 2) greet Luke after two months apart with a passionate kiss. Four very big things kept her from doing either of those.

First, as certain as she was that she was in love with him, she needed to prove to herself that she would be okay after Rory left for Yale. She felt that she needed to adjust to her new world order before she introduced another big change to it. Second, she wasn't sure how Luke felt about her. Sookie, Miss Patty, Rory, and others had been telling her for years that Luke had 'a thing' for her, but Lorelai had never taken those rumors too seriously. They had a great friendship, but Luke was a kind and generous man (despite the gruff exterior) and she didn't think he treated her all that differently from his other friends. After all, he had asked Nicole out, not her. It's possible that he just didn't think of Lorelai that way, that he didn't _want_ to think of her that way. She didn't much feel like being the object of pity if she was to announce to everyone that she loved the man only to be rejected. She couldn't stand the thought of Sookie looking at her with those big, round, sad eyes and Rory didn't need to be burdened with concern for her mother's love life, either. And then there was the fact that Lorelai's dating track record wasn't great. She was rarely dumped; she was usually the dumper. It was the reason that Rory didn't want her to date Luke three years ago. She didn't want to end up hurting Luke, so she needed to be sure she was ready to be with him.

But the most important obstacle was Nicole. Luke had been dating Nicole for six months and he had just taken a vacation with her. He was _with_ Nicole. Lorelai didn't think Nicole was right for him, but that didn't change the fact that he was with her.

Although she had been very, very jealous of Nicole, she had never thought of her as much of a threat until now. Somewhere in the back her mind Lorelai thought that Luke would have dropped Nicole like bad habit if she had ever tried to get his attention. Until now, that is. Vacationing together is pretty serious, especially taking a cruise. That blows a weekend getaway off the map as a sign that a relationship is going somewhere. And if Nicole really did make Luke happy, Lorelai didn't want to change that. She loved him. She wanted him to be happy. She just wanted him to be happy with her.

And even if he and Nicole broke up, Luke would need time. The last thing Lorelai wanted was to be in a rebound relationship.

So the bottom line was that no matter what, she was in a bit of a holding pattern when it came to Luke. The only plan that she could reasonably follow would be to maintain and cultivate her friendship with Luke while focusing on work, adjusting to a more solitary home life,7 and waiting for Luke and Nicole's relationship to play out.

As she realized that she had settled on a decision, she suddenly felt somewhat grown up. She usually acted on impulse, despite the pro-con list making behavior that she had sometimes laid claim to. In reality, Rory was the careful decision-maker, the one who weighed options and formulated plans. Lorelai sometimes delayed decisions, creating the appearance of careful consideration, and she liked to believe that she put thought into anything important, but the truth was that she usually went with her gut. And her gut was batting at close to zero lately, so she felt proud of the two months she had put into this thought process. She also felt some pride that she did not try to run away or deny her feelings. Maybe there was hope for her love life afterall.

~ OOOOO ~

"Don't give him the jam," Rory said as they walked toward the diner from Sookie's house. "He's gonna know."

"No, he's not," Lorelai answered, smiling. "I've got a whole backstory prepared." She couldn't allow their reunion to be any kind of normal. It had to start with a good round of some sort of prank or teasing and this, she thought, was perfect.

"Well, as much as I'd like to be there when you give Luke your heartfelt gift, I'm going to go give Lane her gift."

Lorelai didn't like that idea one bit. She needed an audience, but even more she needed a buffer. She wasn't sure how she would feel when she saw him, or how she might behave. Having Rory there would keep her in check.

"Well, I'd like to see Lane, too," she replied. "Why don't we stop there first, then head to Luke's for lunch?"

So, after a short visit to catch up with Lane, they headed to the diner together.

As soon as she saw him through the glass, her face broke out in a grin that she couldn't stop. Her heart seemed to lift her entire body so that she floated through the door behind Rory. When the bells rang, she saw Luke look up from his default task of wiping the counter, his own face lighting up when he saw them. He glided around the counter with his arms out, one arm catching Rory in an awkward hug (Rory didn't seem capable of any kind of hug that wasn't awkward) and the other went around Lorelai so that they ended up in a kind of group hug.

For her part, Lorelai wrapped her arms around his middle and squeezed. It was new for them, but so was a two-month absence (well, not counting the summer before, when she avoided the diner).

"There's the weary travelers!" Luke exclaimed. "How was your trip?" He moved back to behind the counter and put a mug in front of each of them and started to pour.

"Thank you!" Lorelai and Rory both exclaimed, then Lorelai added, "You remembered!"

"Some things about you stick," Luke replied.

"Mmmm," Rory hummed, sipping her coffee. "I missed this so much!"

"I told them about you over there, Señor Swankypants," Lorelai said.

"Can't tell you how grateful I am to have you as my press agent," Luke replied, skeptical. "But you can't expect me to believe that you found NO good coffee in Europe."

"Oh, there was some good stuff," Lorelai assured him. "We had some amazing cappuccino in Rome. And then there was…" She turned to Rory. "Where did we get that fantastic biscotti?"

"Um, that was in Venice," Rory answered.

"No, Venice is where the fabulous tiramisu was."

"And the biscotti."

"Oh, yeah, we had the tiramisu in that little place on the canal and we got the biscotti from that place by the hostel… Or was it the other way around?"

"So you're saying there was good coffee in Italy?" Luke said, trying to follow the conversation.

"Yeah, Rome, Venice… and Paris had some good stuff, too. But I don't know if any of them were as good as yours, Luke." She said, teasing just a little.

"She's not even kidding, Luke" Rory added. "We had some great coffee, but I sure missed this." She paused, then her eyes flew wide as she realized something. "Oh my god! What am I going to do for coffee when I go to Yale?"

"You'll just have to come home often," Lorelai said.

"So how was your trip? What did you see?" Luke asked, clearly trying to keep the conversation away from the depressing reality that Rory would be leaving in just over a week.

"What _didn't_ we see?" Lorelai replied. "Honestly, Luke, we'll be regaling you with our stories for weeks! But first, we brought you something."

"You did?" Luke said in surprise. "You didn't have to do that."

"What are you talking about? We do not go to Europe and come back without bringing something for Luke." She brought the jar of jam out and set it in his hands with a flourish.

"Jam?" Luke said, looking at her sideways.

"Fancy French jam."

"Fruits de la terre," Luke read the label. "Very impressive," he added, looking back up at her through his lashes. Rory just sipped her coffee and tried to remain expressionless.

"It's handmade by this woman in Paris who has the most amazing story."

"Really?" Luke clearly wasn't buying it, but Lorelai kept going.

"Orphaned."

"Uh huh."

"And illiterate."

"Okay."

"Just had nothing in her life except the burning desire to be the world's greatest... jamstress."

"Really?" He opened the jar and grabbed a spoon to taste it as she continued.

"Grew up with nuns... She's famous now and, uh, she only makes three bottles of that stuff a year and that's one of 'em."

Putting the spoon down, Luke said, "Tastes remarkably like Jackson's boysenberry jam."

Rory burst out laughing. "I told you he'd know!" Lorelai just shook her head.

"Luke," Rory continued, "you are so hard to shop for! Mom wanted to buy you a bullfighter's uniform, but I talked her out of it. We looked all over Europe and nothing was good enough."

"Until we got to Italy," Lorelai interjected, smiling. She pulled the real gift out of her backpack and handed it to him. "I know how much you treasure the watch your dad gave you, but that band has got to go."

He opened the box to find a beautiful Italian leather watchband. "This is great," he said, grinning.

"It's inscribed," Lorelai told him. He picked it up and looked at the underside. A message was embossed there, it read:

 _For Luke_

 _From his Gilmore girls_

Luke suddenly looked shy as he smiled warmly, demonstrating that the wording wasn't lost on him. Lorelai was concerned about it at first, wondering if it was too personal, but Rory had agreed to it enthusiastically, even though it suggested that she and Lorelai sort of belonged Luke. Now she was glad that she had gone with it.

He actually looked a little choked up.

"I love it," he said quietly without looking up as he reached under the counter and brought out two small rectangular boxes, "and I got something for you, too."

Lorelai was stunned. Not so much that Luke would be thoughtful enough to bring them gifts - he was a very generous man - but that he would do that while on a vacation with his girlfriend, a woman who so clearly disliked Lorelai. She imagined the argument that ensued as a consequence. She watched Rory open hers first. It was a pretty sterling silver chain and pendant. The pendant looked like a little man made out of rocks.

"It's called an Inukshuk," Luke explained. "The indigenous people used the shape as a trail marker. It means 'You're on the right path'."

"I love it, Luke," Rory replied, smiling. "Thank you!" She leaned over the counter for another awkward hug."

Lorelai opened her own box to find another necklace, it was also sterling silver. The pendant looked like bird, but it was an interesting design that looked native American. She gasped. "Luke, I love it. It's a bird, right?"

He nodded and smiled. "A raven."

"And I assume this one means something, too?"

"Well, yes, but it's a bit more complicated. You'll have to look it up," he replied.

"So, you'll tell Rory, but you're going to make me look it up?"

"Face it, Mom," Rory said. "I'm the favorite."

Lorelai pouted, then saw Luke's reserve start to crack in response, but she backed off. Pranks, teasing, and flirting were fine, but she wasn't going to manipulate him. If he wanted her to look it up for herself, she would look it up for herself.

"I just thought you'd like it." He said, a little shyly. "It was made by a Tlingit artist."

"I do like it, and I will look it up," she said, putting the necklace on with a huge grin. Then she got to the question she'd been dying to ask since they walked in the door. She tried to sound casual. "So how was the cruise?"

"Yeah, how was it?" Rory joined in.

"Oh, it was, you know," he said, then walked around the counter to busy himself cleaning a table.

"Uh, no, we don't know," Lorelai said. "We've never been on a cruise." When he didn't answer, she pushed a little. "So?"

"It was fine." His attention was all over the place now, as if he was looking for things that needed to be done so that he could excuse himself.

"You had fun?" Rory asked, looking at Lorelai with wide eyes and shrugging, as if to say 'I don't know why he's acting so weird.'

"You and Nicole had fun then?" Lorelai added.

"Yeah yeah yeah, you want more coffee?" he asked, but didn't wait for an answer from either of them.

"So what did you do?" Rory asked.

"Where?"

"On the boat," Lorelai said. "What did you and Nicole do on the boat?"

"Oh, you know," Luke replied just a little too casually and slowly for Lorelai's comfort. "We floated around and ate and there was a magic show and a singer and, uh, pillow mints and… you know, that was it."

This wasn't exactly the kind of information Lorelai was looking for. "But you and Nicole had a good time? You got along and -"

"Yeah, I'm gonna go check on your food," Luke said as he walked off into the kitchen.

"But we didn't order anything yet," Rory yelled after him. Lorelai and Rory just looked at each other and shrugged. "I guess he doesn't want to talk about it."

"I guess not," Lorelai said, her voice trailing off while her eyes stayed glued to the kitchen. This was not a great start.

Luke was a fairly private person and the diner was half full of patrons, so she chose to back off. Eventually, she and Rory ordered and ate the cheeseburgers that they had been craving for weeks, handed out a couple of presents to friends who had popped into the diner for lunch, and went on their way. Lorelai promised Luke that she would come back close to closing for a last cup of coffee and one of their long, personal chats. _Maybe then he'll feel more like sharing_ , she thought.

Jetlag took its toll as they trudged through the rest of the day. Rory became extra crabby when she discovered that Taylor had named her "Ice Cream Queen" and expected her to participate in the opening of his new soda shoppe, then tried to make her feel guilty when she told him that she didn't have time. She was feeling the pressure of getting everything packed to move by Saturday morning and the building anxiety about leaving home to start college.

Lorelai was just anxious. She was desperate to know the status and depth of Luke's relationship with Nicole.

By dinnertime they were both fighting sleep. Pizza helped a little, but eventually Rory couldn't keep her eyes open and went to bed. That was Lorelai's cue to head to the diner. It was 9:00 at night, but she freshened her makeup anyway. She even touched up her curls. She thought about changing her clothes into something more flattering than the jeans and blouse she had worn that day, but she couldn't think of a good enough excuse if he happened to notice and ask why she had changed. So she just put on some sneakers, grabbed her purse, and headed out the door.

There was a nice late summer breeze that helped wake her up a little as she walked through town to the diner, thankful that the mosquitoes seemed to be letting her be and sorry that she and Rory had missed the fireflies this year. As the diner came into view and Lorelai could see Luke moving around inside, butterflies took flight in her stomach. God, she had it bad when the idea of spending time with a man she had known for more than seven years - a man she considered a close friend, maybe her best friend - could make her so nervous.

"Hey," she said as she walked through the door. She was greeted with a genuine Luke Danes smile.

"Hey," he said as he reached under the counter with one hand and behind him with the other. He poured and asked, "You look chipper. Is your sleep cycle screwed up?"

"Yeah," she replied. "I'm exhausted, but I don't think I can sleep right now." She lied. She thanked him for the coffee, then they chatted about mundane things. She told him about their day visiting with everybody and all of the errands they had to do to get Rory ready for school.

"Already? But it's still summer."

"It's almost the end of August, Luke. Orientation for Freshman is Saturday and classes start next week." Lorelai informed him. She sighed "We've got so much to do still. The first thing I need to do is buy luggage. The Europe thing was the first long trip we've taken in years and we only took backpacks. We can pack up her books and stuff in boxes, but I want to treat her clothes right."

"I've got luggage," Luke said. "You can borrow mine."

" _You_ have luggage?"

"Yes, I have luggage. Why wouldn't I have luggage?"

"You never go anywhere." Casting out a line...

"I just went on a three-week vacation that included a cruise to Alaska!" ...and reeling him in.

"Oh, yeah, that's right! The mystery cruise that you won't talk about!"

"I told you I brought luggage," he said, exasperated that he had allowed himself to be ambushed. "What more info do you need?"

"Why won't you tell me what happened? I would tell _you_."

"Yes, but I wouldn't want to know."

She watched him as he rung up the last customers, then cleaned up their table.

"Did something happen with you and Nicole?"

"Yes."

"What, did you propose?" She asked, teasing, as she stood up. She didn't expect what happened next.

He stopped what he was doing and looked at her, stone-faced. "Yes."

The air seemed to leave her lungs. "Oh my god, you proposed?"

He sighed. "Yes, I proposed."

Her mouth hung open in shock while her brain tried to catch up. "Th-this is... big! This is huge!"

"There's more," he said, remaining stoic.

"There's more?" She dreaded what he would say next. "Well, okay, what? Did she say yes?"

"Yes." He finally showed some emotion. He almost looked hurt. Lorelai worried that he could read her mind, that he knew that she was devastated and that what she saw on his face was pity. She couldn't have that, but getting her emotions under control enough to put on a smile and be happy for him was asking a lot, maybe more than she could do.

"She said yes," she repeated, almost as if she didn't believe it. "You proposed and she said yes. Wow." She really couldn't breathe now.

"There's more."

"There's _more_?" She was almost shouting now. "There's more _after_ you proposed and she said yes? What -"

"We got married."

She felt tears welling up inside her head and fought with everything she had to keep them from coming to the surface. "Y-you got married? So, you're _married_? You're _legally married_?" She tried to calm down and get herself under control. "How did… how did you get married?"

"We asked the captain and he married us," he said, as if it was obvious.

"And that's legal?"

"Apparently."

Lorelai felt simultaneously like she was about to explode and collapse. She didn't know what to do with this information. Her brain tried to readjust its expectations of her future while recalibrating its view of her relationship with Luke. She wanted to be a supportive friend. She wanted him to be happy. She wanted to hug him and congratulate him and be happy for him, but she couldn't wrap her brain around this new reality. She knew she had to say something, but all that came out was, "This is just…"

"Actually, there's a little more," he interrupted, using his fingers to say 'just a little bit, a tiny thing'.

She sucked in a breath. "She's pregnant. Ohmygod you finally reproduced." The last sentence was supposed to be a joke, but she didn't feel much like laughing.

"We're getting divorced."

Everything stopped. Lorelai's brain tried once again to catch up. The relief she felt was palpable, but it wasn't complete. Still, she held onto it and tried to dig herself out of the emotional nightmare of the last few minutes. "I have to sit down now."

"Good thing there's a stool behind you," He replied as he took the stool next to her. Then he took a deep breath and told her how it happened. He explained how the cruise had put him in a weird state with all of the movement, the food, the drink, and lovey dovey couples all around them. "Of course we both woke up the next morning and realized we'd lost our minds. We tried to ignore it for a while, you know… went dog sledding… but by the time we hit land we were separated and now we're getting divorced."

"Okay, well," Lorelai said, trying to sound casual, "My jetlag and your love life are making me dizzy. Is there _more_?"

"No, that's it."

"I'm sorry," she said honestly, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Nah, it's okay." His dismissal of his own pain was so… Luke.

"Well, I'm suddenly really tired," she said slowly, dropping a dollar on the counter and grabbing her purse to leave. She stood up and walked to the door. "Um, if you want to talk you know where to find me, okay?"

"Thanks. I'll bring that luggage by for Rory tomorrow," he said as she reached the door.

She had her hand on the knob, but turned and said, "Thanks a bunch, Luke. And… I really am sorry."

"Meh, I'll be fine."

She walked out the door and headed for home, eyes on the road in front of her. She wasn't lying about being tired. The jetlag seemed to muddy everything, but she wondered if she would have been just as confused if she was fully rested. Her brain told her to relax, he's getting divorced. That means his relationship with Nicole is over and he's single again. She just needed to be patient and give him some time to get over her. But her heart screamed, _He married her!_

He _married_ her.

He had to love her, or at least think that he loved her long enough to get married. Patty and Sookie and Rory and the town… they were all wrong. Luke didn't have a thing for Lorelai. He wasn't pining for her. He married someone else. A skinny, jealous… lawyer. Luke had _married_ a _lawyer_. It's a wonder the universe didn't fold in on itself.

And what, exactly had she _hoped_ would happen? The guilt of wanting a man who belonged to someone else should have subsided, since Luke clearly wasn't Nicole's anymore, but it hadn't. She knew that she had done nothing wrong, but she couldn't shake the feeling that her desire to see them split up somehow caused it to happen. But she couldn't feel victorious, either, because _he married her_!

Ugh. A part of her wanted to cry, but about half way home the laughter started. It began as a giggle that bubbled to the surface, then slowly built until it reached maniacal, hysterical laughter. _I always do this to myself_ , she thought. _It's like my life is a sitcom. I should be studied._ The laughter faded and exhaustion took its place. She trudged up the steps and into her house without looking up. She went through her nightly routine mechanically, totally preoccupied. When her head hit the pillow, she was grateful for its softness. She closed her eyes and was out in a matter of seconds.


	2. Waiting

**Waiting**

She sat up in bed, listening to the music coming from the direction of the square. Had it ever been so loud before? The clock said it was only 8am. What event started at 8am? Was there a festival she didn't know about? She didn't bother to change out of her bed clothes - jogging pants and a T-shirt. She just stuffed her feet into some shoes and lumbered out the door.

When the gazebo came into view she was surprised to see a crowd of people standing in front of it, all dressed up. Then the music stopped and the crowd sat down in chairs, revealing what they had been looking at: Luke and Nicole standing in front of Reverend Skinner, hands joined, smiling at each other.

Lorelai stopped cold and stood in her cow pajamas and watched Luke promise Nicole that he would love and cherish her forever. She watched as he put a ring on her finger, then leaned in to kiss her. She tried to yell, but nothing came out. All she could do was watch.

The crowd disappeared and suddenly Nicole was in front of her, smiling. "Hey Lorelai," she said. "Nice dress." Lorelai looked down and realized she was wearing a skin-tight red dress and stiletto heels. She looked trampy. She opened her mouth to say 'congratulations', but again, nothing came out except a few soft sobs. Her throat felt like it was closing up. She turned away from Nicole and back toward her home. She started walking, trudging, as if she was walking through mud, but nothing seemed to be dragging at her feet. Still, she kept going, thinking only of getting home.

"Mom?"

A hand on her shoulder shook it lightly. "Mom? Are you okay?"

When Lorelai finally opened her eyes she realized that her face was wet and her nose felt stuffed up. She sniffed and sat up.

"What happened?" Rory asked when she saw Lorelai's tear-stained face. "You've been crying?"

"Rory?" Lorelai responded. "What are you doing here? I was sleeping." She wasn't angry, just confused.

"You were moaning, Mom, and sobbing. What's going on?"

Lorelai looked around, trying to get her bearings. "I was dreaming... Geez, it was a horrible dream."

Rory gave her a very concerned look. "What was it about? Want an analysis?"

"Um… I don't remember." She lied. Lorelai grabbed a tissue and blew her nose, then flopped back down on her side. "I'm sorry, was I so loud that I woke you up?"

"No, I just got out of the shower and heard you from the hall," Rory explained. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Uh, yeah. I'll be fine, thanks sweetie." She tried to smile. She felt like shit. Reheated shit.

"Well, why don't you get up and take a shower yourself?" Rory said, tapping Lorelai on the hip before standing up. "It might make you feel better. And it's getting late." Rory headed toward the stairs and yelled the rest as she walked. "We have to go to the mall and the mattress store today, and I have to get Taylor to take down those stupid posters. Where do you think we should go to get luggage?"

"Luke said you could borrow his," Lorelai yelled after her.

" _Luke_ has luggage? He never goes anywhere."

"He just went on a cruise, duh!"

Lorelai dragged herself out of bed. As she started to feel more awake, the dream faded, but the sadness remained. She allowed herself a few tears in the shower, but then stopped. She could not cry about this in front of Rory. Toweling her hair dry, she grabbed her most comfortable weekend-out-shopping clothes, slapped on the minimum amount of makeup she was willing to be seen wearing, and picked up the necklace that Luke had given her. She considered it for several minutes before finally deciding to put it on. Then she trudged downstairs to find Rory at the kitchen table with her laptop open.

"I've been reading about native Alaskan myths and it's really fascinating," she started.

"Uh huh…" Lorelai said, preoccupied.

"Mom, are you listening?"

"Uh huh."

It was clear she wasn't. Rory thought about saying something completely off-the-wall as a test, but decided to go a more direct route. "Don't you want to know about the raven necklace that Luke gave you?"

At Luke's name, Lorelai finally snapped out of her daze. "Um, yeah, sure."

"Well, the raven seems to be a pretty important character to most tribes. He shows up in all kinds of stories, including creation myths. The Tlingit - didn't Luke say it was made by a Tlingit artist?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"The Tlingit have a lot of stories that include the raven. In the ones I've read, the raven is a trickster. He's always pulling pranks. In some he's gluttonous or selfish. Strange that they would give the same creature so many different roles to play."

Lorelai felt tears welling up again. _I guess that's why he didn't want to tell me what it meant_ , she thought. _Is that how he sees me? A selfish trickster? Is that how I AM?_ She reached up and fingered the pendant. "Um, I think I want different shoes," she said, heading upstairs. But instead of changing shoes, she took the necklace off and left it sitting on her dresser.

~ OOOOO ~

The next few days were a blur of packing, shopping, and movie marathons. Lorelai had been pretty crabby most of Monday (she let Rory assume it was because of the dream), but she didn't want her last week with her daughter to be laced with self-pity, so she gave herself pep talk after pep talk. _He bought me that necklace because he knew that I would like it, and I do,_ she thought. _It had nothing to do with the raven myths._ _So what if he doesn't have 'a thing' for me? That doesn't mean he never will. I just need to bide my time, keep him close, let him get over Nicole, then crank up the charm._ Still, her confidence wavered.

When Luke showed up at the house that evening with the promised luggage, Lorelai briefly considered hiding out in her room, but quickly nixed that idea. She wanted to see him anyway. She was a junkie who needed a fix. Luke was becoming her coffee. So instead of faking a headache and ruining the night, she turned up her smile and convinced him, with a little help from Rory, to stay for a movie and Chinese food. He didn't have a prayer when both of them engaged their lower lips. It was so comfortable and _right_ having Luke there that she almost forgot to feel rejected. By Thursday Lorelai was back to her teasing, flirty self, maybe with an extra dose of flirt.

Friday night Lorelai stayed home to pack Luke's truck (with Luke's help) while Rory went to the Gilmores' for Friday Night Dinner. Although she felt a pang of guilt at not attending the first dinner since they returned from the trip, she was happy to spend some time alone with Luke, and a good time it was. It didn't take them long to load up both the truck and Rory's car, so they sat on the porch drinking beer and chatting. Lorelai did most of the talking, of course, telling him some of the stories of Europe that she had promised to share.

"So of course the woman thought we were insulting her dog, but we were just trying to find a bathroom!" Lorelai had Luke laughing so hard she thought beer might come out of his nose. "I should have let Rory do the talking everywhere. But even she made mistakes," said as she handed Luke a fourth beer while she nursed her second. He was walking home, so he shrugged and took it from her.

"So how're you doing?" he asked once the laughs died down.

"About tomorrow?" Luke nodded. "Surprisingly okay. I mean, I've had 18 years to prepare for it, and it's not going to be as bad as it could have been. She'll be less than 25 miles away and I'll see her a lot." Lorelai's cadence picked up speed and her tone went from genuinely okay to anxious. "And there is always the phone. And email. And I guess I'll be spending _a lot_ of time at the diner," she finished with a pout.

"Oh, joy," he replied, rolling his eyes. Lorelai's own eyes went wide and her mouth dropped open. Then she saw him smile slyly and leaned over to smack his arm. He laughed, then said sincerely, "You know you're always welcome."

Lorelai always loved their banter, but she especially loved when they talked candidly. It took years, but she finally felt that she had reached a point at which she didn't always need to hide behind humor with Luke. She could tell him how she really felt, at least about most things. She had never felt closer to him. They had been talking for two hours and she didn't want the evening to end.

"Seriously, though," she said honestly, "I really am okay." She wasn't _really_ okay, but she was better than she thought she would be. Maybe it would really sink in next week, when she roamed an empty house, and she would end up in a ball on the floor. She didn't think so, though. "Speaking of Rory, she really ought to be home by now."

Just then Lorelai's cell phone rang, so Luke got up to make sure the contents of the truck were secure while she spoke to Rory. Thus ended the evening. Luke headed home while Lorelai drove to Hartford in an attempt to wrestle Rory from her grandmother's grip.

~ OOOOO ~

Moving Rory into her dorm turned out to be quite an adventure and full of surprises, from Lorelai's driving challenges to unexpected roommates. When she returned to the diner to tell Luke that she needed to take another trip, he decided to go with her, citing an argument over a mattress as his reason. In reality, Lorelai was pretty sure that he welcomed both the opportunity to check out where Rory would be living and to get away from Nicole's lawyers, who had taken up residence in the diner seemingly in order to harass him.

The day with Luke included three full-out rants - a real treat for Lorelai, who truly enjoyed a good Luke Danes tirade. The first would have left her in stitches if it wasn't a story about his cruise with Nicole he told to her lawyers.. The last was a wonderful ramble about helping 'Chip' move into his room that lasted the entire drive home - so long that even Lorelai got tired of it eventually and told him to just get over it.

Just as they were pulling up to the diner, Rory paged Lorelai with the message "COME BACK!", so of course Lorelai did. She ended up staying the night, spending a small fortune on take-out food to get Rory started on a positive social foot at Yale. Luckily, most of the kids who stopped by to eat chipped in by stuffing cash into a jar by the door and the evening wound up costing her less than a movie night binge.

In the morning she said goodbye to Rory for real and returned Luke's truck to the diner only a couple of hours later than he had insisted she bring it back.

"Sorry I'm late!" she cried as she walked into the diner.

"That's okay. I told you to get it back three hours before I actually needed it back and it worked out perfectly."

"You rat!"

"So it's in park?"

"It's in park."

"Engine's off?"

She sighed. "Yeees. Here are your keys," she said, handing them to him. "And _thank you_ , Luke. I've been a huge burden on you the past couple of days."

"It's okay," he said, then something out the window caught his eye. "I don't believe it." He ran outside. "It's like a horror movie!"

"Oh, Luke," Lorelai said sweetly.

"The Mattress That Would Not Leave My Truck."

"I had no choice."

"I may cry."

"Don't do that."

"I don't want this mattress," he said, gesturing to it.

"Help me take it somewhere."

"Where?" he started, then thought better of it and moved on before she could answer. "Okay, listen, go home and do whatever you need to do to get ready for the day. I'll pick you up in an hour."

Lorelai gave him a puzzled look. "What are you talking about?"

"Do you need me to repeat it?"

"Uh, no, just… what are we doing?"

"Nothing that's worth getting overly-excited about, but you'll find out when we get there."

"So I'm supposed to just drop everything and go with you?" Lorelai said, only half serious. Inside she was jumping up and down. "You just _assumed_ that I was free today?"

"Are you?"

"... well… yes, but you just assumed!"

"I didn't just assume," Luke explained. "I know you're still waiting on the architect for the Dragonfly and I checked with Sookie to make sure you didn't have plans with her today, okay?"

"Um, okay," Lorelai said, but she couldn't help smiling. Inside she was bursting at his thoughtfulness. "So where are we going?"

"I told you. You'll find out when we get there."

"Well how am I supposed to dress?"

"Comfortably," he said. "I don't know. Dress like you're going shopping."

Suddenly she couldn't hold back her smile. "Okay," she said, hands clasped together at her chin, bouncing just a little. "But are you sure you can leave the diner now?"

"Caesar's got it."

"Well, okay…" she said, smiling, as she backed out of the diner slowly. "I'll just…" she gestured toward the door.

"See you in an hour," Luke said as she rushed out the door smiling and headed for home.

~ OOOOO ~

When Luke arrived at Lorelai's house, the two unloaded the mattress and stowed it in the garage. This was always the plan and they both knew it. Lorelai loved to get Luke riled up and he loved the back-and-forth as much as she did. Neither was fooled by the other. Lorelai knew that Luke didn't have a place to store the thing and her garage made the most sense. Up on a side it didn't take up much space and it could be returned at the end of the year so that Rory could take her new one with her when she moved out of the dorm.

Once the mattress was at home, Lorelai ran inside, grabbed her purse and a light sweater (just in case), and headed back out, excited. She had spent the hour Luke gave her grooming like she was getting ready for the prom. Of course her makeup was light, her hair unsprayed, and she was dressed in a casual sundress instead of satin, but she took extra care with everything. And, oddly enough, her light blue dress matched Luke's button-down shirt (he had also ditched the cap) without looking planned or too couple-ish.

"So, I get that you won't tell me where we're going," she said, "but can you at least tell me what it's about? Why are we going somewhere?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, we don't usually make plans to do stuff together, just us," she said. "When we do hang out, it's at some town event, at my house, or at the diner, you know? Or for some special event, like Rory's graduation."

"There's a first time for everything, right?" She could tell that he was dodging the question.

"I guess so, but I still think something prompted this."

"Don't overanalyze it. We'll have fun, I promise."

"Oka-ay," she teased, "but you're messing with the status quo here, and no matter what happens it will be hard to go back. I mean, if we have a sucky time things will be awkward and if we have a good time, we'll have to do it again and again. Next thing you know, we'll be going to movies and concerts together and shopping every weekend."

"It's not likely that I'll want to go shopping with you every weekend, Lorelai."

"I'm just sayin'."

"I'll risk it," he said, smiling.

It took about an hour and a half to get where they were going, but the time flew by as they chatted amiably, bantered, and shared. Luke asked about Rory and wouldn't let it go with vague answers. He was genuinely concerned about the security on campus as well as her psychological well-being, which made Lorelai melt. They chatted about her plans for the Dragonfly, laughed about Kirk's latest antics, and ranted about Taylor. She was so lost in conversation that she didn't notice the signs when they exited the freeway. In fact, she didn't really pay attention to where they were until going until they pulled into a parking spot.

Luke got out and rushed around the truck, trying to get to the door before Lorelai could open it for herself. He managed to beat her to it only because she was busy looking around for clues to where they were. As she was stepping out, she gasped, seeing the sign on a business half a block away.

"Mystic Pizza?!" Her mouth hung open in surprise until her smile made the shocked look impossible. "We're in Mystic?"

"After you made me watch that sappy movie the other night," he said, a proud look on his face, "I thought maybe you'd want to try the place that inspired it."

"I do! Honestly, I don't know why I've never been here."

"Well, now you can say that you have," Luke said. "And there are a few shops if you'd like to hit those, plus a couple of wineries nearby that offer tasting."

"Luuuke," Lorelai said sweetly, "What made you want to do this?"

"Okay, honestly?" he said as they reached the door to the pizza place. "I hated the idea of you trudging around an empty house all day."

 _God, I love this man_ , she thought, but she didn't dare let it show in her face. Instead, she acted offended. She may have overcompensated a little. "I told you I was fine!"

"Yeah, yeah, you told me. So, you wanna go home?"

"We're here," she said, pretending to acquiesce. "It would probably be rude to leave without at least trying it. But I thought you didn't eat pizza."

"Sure I do. Pizza gets a bad wrap. It's not necessarily bad for you. That frozen crap'll kill ya, but with fresh ingredients and real cheese? It's fine in moderation."

"Hm. Learn something new every day."

~ OOOOO ~

Lorelai soaked in a bubble bath for half an hour when she got home that night. The day was about about as perfect as any she could have dreamt up. Luke's plan to distract her from missing Rory worked like a charm. After gorging on pizza, they did indeed hit a couple of clothing stores on Main Street and several antique stores in the area where she bought a few items for the inn. Lorelai was both thrilled that he would go shopping with her - he even suggested it, and Luke _hated_ shopping - and grateful for his complaints about it. She really couldn't get enough of grumpy, ranting Luke. They didn't visit any of the wineries, but they did take a long scenic drive through the countryside, ending up just a few miles away in Stonington, where Luke allowed Lorelai to buy him dinner as a 'thank you' for the day and his help moving Rory. They did not talk as much on the ride home as they had that morning, but the silent moments were not the least bit awkward. And when he dropped her off at home, they said goodbye with a warm hug, yet another "Thank you" from Lorelai, and a promise to do more stuff like it in the future. Looking back on the day as she lay relaxing in the tub, she didn't think that she had ever seen Luke smile so much.

Yes, things were really on track. She knew he needed time to get over Nicole and she planned to give him that time, but they had reached a new level of friendship. She had no intentions of moving backward. She wanted more days like today and, eventually, she wanted them to include all of the physical affections that came with a romantic relationship. In the meantime, she could be patient.

~ OOOOO ~

By Wednesday Lorelai was desperate to see Rory. They had spent so much time together that summer - for the over two months they were in Europe they were never apart - that being 23 miles from her felt like withdrawal. She had tried to stay busy the few days after the move, but there was only so much work to do at the moment. She spent hours in the diner, pouring over catalogues and researching other New England inns as well as meeting with Sookie, the two catering clients they currently had, an architect Luke had referred to her for the Dragonfly, and Tom (the contractor).

On Tuesday, she had taken up residence at the table closest to the kitchen and was so focused on the business plan she was working on that she didn't realize when it was mid-afternoon. She hadn't left the diner since she came in for breakfast at 9am. Luke never complained about the table she took up all day. Lorelai assumed that was because she ate most of her meals there. But on Tuesday afternoon he stood in front of her table for a full minute, waiting for her to notice him. When she did he insisted that she take a walk with him to get out of the diner. He was watching out for her, taking care of her, yet again.

So they strolled through town, chatting about everything and nothing, eventually winding up at the lake. Lorelai struggled a little with self-control. Her thoughts consisted mostly of " _I really, really want to hold his hand"_ on an endless loop. Taking his hand would be far too forward. He and Nicole had only broken up three weeks ago and she was determine to give him at least two months. Still, she wanted. It didn't help that he was being… Luke. Well, more than Luke, really. He was Luke, but he was more attentive and a little less surly than usual, at least with her. Maybe he was trying to be sensitive to her feelings about Rory leaving. It did seem that the whole town was just a little more patient, a little more kind lately. Maybe rightly so. Lorelai _did_ miss Rory terribly.

So on Wednesday morning she visited Yale, using a throw rug she had bought for Rory in Mystic as an excuse. She was proud of herself for holding out four days. She got up early so that she could stop by Sookie's house and Luke's. Each sent food with her for their favorite Yalie. The only disappointment was that Rory didn't seem to want to spend a lot of time with her mother. This was bittersweet, though, as it was an indication that she was settling in and getting used to being somewhat independent, which was of course what Lorelai wanted for her. Still, she managed to get Rory to spend half an hour catching up over coffee.

"I'm telling you my mother was there," Lorelai insisted as they stood in line at the coffee cart, the bag with Luke's muffins in her hand.

"Why on Earth would Grandma be in my dorm room?"

"I don't have a clue, but she was."

Rory sighed. "Whatever. So how are things going with the inn?" she asked, wanting to change the subject. They took their drinks and found a table.

"Uh, slowly," Lorelai said, thinking, "which is fine because there are soooo many things to think about. Designing the interior alone is going to be a full time job for months."

"So you've been keeping busy then?" It had suddenly occurred to Rory that her mother had been alone in the house for days.

"Oh, yeah. Luke hasn't kicked me out of the diner yet, thank god," she said, then she smiled. "He's been really sweet, actually, reminding me to get up off my ass once in awhile. Did I tell you we went on a little trip?"

"No!" Rory said, looking shocked and maybe a little hopeful. "What, like an overnight trip?"

"Of course not," Lorelai scoffed. "No, on Sunday we went to Mystic for pizza, which you'll love, by the way, then we took a really nice drive and had dinner in Stonington. He even went shopping with me!"

"Are you serious? How'd you get him to leave the diner?"

"I didn't. It was all his idea. He said he didn't want me going home to an empty house. Isn't that sweet?" she said, grinning.

"Very," Rory said, then tentatively pushed for more. "So… was this, like… a date?"

"No!" Lorelai said. "It was just a friend thing. He's married, Rory."

"Getting divorced."

"Yeah, but they _just_ broke up."

"Yeah, they broke up."

"Rory, it's _Luke_ we're talking about."

"My point exactly," Rory said, nodding. "And Luke has always had a thing for you."

Lorelai frowned and sighed. "Rory, think about it. He _married_ Nicole. If he had a thing for me, why did he marry her?" she asked more quietly. She had made peace with the idea that Rory, Sookie, and the town had been wrong about Luke's feelings for her, but it still made her sad to be reminded that he saw her only as a friend, that she would have to work to change it.

"I don't know. Maybe he thinks you wouldn't be interested… um… would you be?"

She wasn't ready to go there with Rory, so she spoke quickly as if she hadn't heard her last question. "The point is, he was a friend making sure a friend didn't get lonely. We went, we had a good time, the end... So tell me about the one who jogs."

Rory knew when to back off, so she allowed Lorelai to steer the conversation away from Luke. They chatted about roommates and college until Rory insisted that she had to go, but not before they made plans for Lorelai to visit every Wednesday for brunch - more often if Rory didn't come home for a weekend, at least for the fall semester. Then Lorelai headed home. To the diner.

~ OOOOO ~

"You remember Jason, don't you, Lorelai?" Richard asked. Lorelai had arrived at the Gilmores Friday night to find a blast from her past drinking scotch with her father.

"The irrepressible Digger Stiles?" she asked, a bit shocked. "The last time I saw you, Jimmy Carter was still in office and you were wearing a Member's Only jacket."

"Wow, you grew up good," Jason said as his eyes traveled up and down Lorelai's body, making her skin crawl just a little. Jason had grown into an oddly attractive man. He was no Luke. He wasn't even in the same league, but there was something about him, a hook that she couldn't quite put her finger on. "Well, I had better go." He turned to Richard and shook his hand. "I'll get the papers drawn up tomorrow, Richard. Nice to see you again, Lorelai. I'm sure I'll be seeing more of you." His eyes seemed to stay on her as he walked toward the door.

When he was gone, Lorelai turned to her father. "Uh, what was that about, Dad?"

"Jason and I are going to be partners."

"Partners? He's leaving his father's firm?"

"Yes, Lorelai, he is."

Emily came in from the dining room just then and greeted Lorelai before questioning what they were talking about. At first she seemed thrilled about the prospect of her husband taking on a partner, but when Richard revealed that Digger was happy that the venture would anger his father, she flipped and she wasn't shy about saying so. She told Richard straight out that she didn't trust Jason and didn't want him to move forward with the partnership. Richard scoffed and dismissed her concerns.

For Lorelai, the scene was incredibly awkward. It was almost an argument and it was clear that Emily wasn't pleased with the way he had cast aside her opinion. Lorelai was glad when Rory came in, interrupting the flow and changing the course of the conversation. She needed time to think about that exchange.

Lorelai's relationship with her parents had been strained for as long as she could remember, but one thing that was a constant was their clear devotion to each other. In some ways, she was jealous of their connection. That kind of bond was something that she had always wanted to have with them, but couldn't tolerate. The price of being close to her parents was relentless criticism. Lorelai did have that connection with Rory, though, and she counted on it to endure. It was a little unsettling to see cracks in the porcelain of her parents' relationship, something she had never expected to witness.

Emily seemed to shrug it off and continue with dinner, but to Lorelai she looked just a tiny bit less sure of herself than before.

~ OOOOO ~

"Well, I'll say this," Lorelai told Rory, "My mother does have good taste. That furniture is exactly what I would have picked out." She was at Rory's dorm for their weekly brunch, the first time she had seen Rory since Friday night after the girl had decided to spend her first full weekend at Yale _at_ Yale.

"I guess so," Rory said. "I was so stunned that I didn't think about it, but now that you mention it, it looks more like it belongs in our house than Grandma's." She put the care package her mother had brought - cookies from Sookie and a whole cherry pie from Luke - into an airtight container and hid it under her bed. "Thank Sookie and Luke for me. I can't believe he sent a whole pie."

"Yeah, well, I keep telling him you prefer brownies, but he wouldn't listen. Sorry, kid."

"Uh, maybe because he knows I don't?" Rory replied. "And maybe because he knows _you_ do, and you'd eat them on the way here?"

"Who me?" she exclaimed, batting her eyes with exaggerated innocence.

"How is he doing, by the way?" Rory asked as they walked to the dining hall.

"Um, fine," Lorelai answered, thinking about the question as if she didn't analyze his behavior all day, every day. "He seems fine… Over it. Which is quick, I guess."

"Do you spend a lot of time at the diner, since you don't have an inn to go to? It seems like every time I call, you're there."

"Um, yeah." Lorelai lowered her eyes. "I do spend a good chunk of the day there. It's a good place to have meetings."

"Don't you usually meet at Sookie's house?" Rory didn't catch the slight defensiveness in Lorelai's voice.

"Well, yeah, for catering stuff, but when I have to meet with people about the inn, most of that doesn't involve Sookie. And even when it does, we usually meet at the diner. That way I'm never too far from the good coffee." She gave Rory a satisfied smile.

"And Luke hasn't thrown you out yet?"

"Nope," Lorelai's smile was genuine now, thinking about how tolerant Luke had been of her lately. "It's even just a little bit tougher to get a rant out of him lately. I usually have to order at least half a dozen things that aren't on the menu before he cracks." She didn't tell Rory about the way the afternoon walks had become a regular thing. So regular that they didn't even say more than "Are you ready?" to each other beforehand.

Lorelai was happy and it showed, although nobody knew the real reason. They just assumed that she was excited about the project of the new inn, or that she was putting on a brave face since Rory left home. But she was happy because she was hopeful. The more time she spent with Luke, the more she realized that she had been right: she loved this man. Was _in love_ with him, undeniably so.

~ OOOOO ~

It was Saturday when Lorelai entered the diner to find Luke in what she could only describe as 'a mood'.

"Hey, Luke," she said, cheerily, "How's it going?"

"Ah, well," Luke replied testily, picking up a stack of Post-Its and flipping through them, "Tom called. The banister on the stairs has to be replaced. It's going to be another $4,000. Tamsin Corbally called. He needs a deposit on the quarter-sawn oak. It'll be $4,000. Julio the landscaper called. I have no idea what he said, but it's going to be $4,000." He appeared to become more agitated with each message until he was finally yelling at her. "Rory is looking for her black Converse. Sookie wants to change the menu for the Houston wedding again. And one more thing, I'M NOT TAKING MESSAGES FOR YOU ANYMORE!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

"What did you do, have business cards printed up or something?"

"I guess people just know I'm in here a lot," she replied.

"Why aren't they calling your cell phone? Isn't that why you have a cell phone?"

"Um, I forgot to charge it last night," she said, wincing. Then she said, forcefully, "I'm gonna call all of these people today and tell them never to call me here again!"

"You bet you will," he replied, just as forcefully.

Then she cowered a little and said, "Consider it done! Just…"

"What?!"

"Um, just one more thing? Did a package arrive for me here today?" The look he gave her made her immediately sorry she had asked. She tried to make herself as small as possible.

"Caesar!" Luke yelled, shifting his attention to the kitchen. "Does it really take 20 minutes to make a tuna melt?!"

"Luke, sorry, I'm cutting it kinda close here," came a voice from Lorelai's left. Luke turned to see Ed standing in front of the cash register.

"Oh, sorry, sorry, Ed. I didn't realize you were cutting it kinda close." Luke said sarcastically. "Everybody, drop everything! Ed's cutting it kinda close!" Then he slammed a couple of tickets down on the counter and said, "Here's your tickets."

"You seem mad," Ed said.

"Ed, just go to the game and enjoy it, okay?" Luke replied, insincerely. "Choke on a hot dog while you're at it," he added.

"I have to tell you, Luke," Ed said, indignant, heading for the door. "I am never accepting anything free from you ever again."

"What a threat!" Luke responded, following him to the door and yelling after him. "Boy, you're a real master of fear there, Ed. Look out Jason and Freddy! Ed may never mooch off of either one of you ever again!"

Lorelai watched the whole exchange with a pained and puzzled look on her face. When Luke turned to her she said, "What is _wrong_ with you?"

"What? Nothin'"

"You're yelling at Ed."

"Eh, Ed bugs me."

"Ed _cries_."

"I'm just having a bad day," he answered, wiping a table harder than necessary.

"No kidding," she said. "You're barking at everybody."

"I am not."

"Yes, Cujo, you are."

"I always talk to people like that."

"No Benji, you don't."

"I'll be fine tomorrow," Luke said more calmly. He turned and sat on the stool next to her with an exasperated sigh.

"Really, Lassie? Why is that?" Lorelai said, continuing the joke.

"Look, I bought those tickets for Nicole because she's a Yankee's fan and I thought it'd be nice if we went to a game together," he explained. Lorelai listened intently. "Well, the closer I got to the game, the more I felt like a loser. I mean, I'm sitting on these tickets, which means that I thought I'd still be in a relationship. I don't know, it's stupid."

"It's not stupid," Lorelai argued. "Why is it stupid to be disappointed that your relationship didn't work out the way you thought it would? I think pretty much everyone who has ever had a relationship fail is disappointed that it failed."

"Yeah, maybe." She had made it okay for him to be grumpy, but that didn't make him less grumpy.

"Hey, I have an idea. Tonight is usually movie night. You know, Rory and I usually rent a bunch of movies, order food… you know it was our thing. But now that she's at school…"

"Isn't Rory home for the weekend?"

"Yeah, she's meeting me here for lunch with Lane, but she has a date tonight." Lorelai gave Luke a sad look that was both genuine and useful in persuading him. "Why don't you come over? It might be fun."

At first it looked like he was going to take some time to think about it, but he barely hesitated before saying, "Okay."

"Yeah?" she said, hopeful.

"Sure, what else have I got to do?"

"Oh," Lorelai replied sarcastically, "I love when men say that to me."

They settled on a time just as Rory and Lane came in. Lorelai moved to a table to sit with the girls and tried to carry on a normal conversation with them, but her mind was on the evening ahead. She went through her catalogue of videos in her mind. She knew that Luke didn't watch a lot of movies and wondered which classics he was missing out on. She was lost in thought when Luke came up to take their order.

"What'll it be today, ladies?"

"What do you want to watch tonight?" Lorelai blurted out.

"What?" he asked, thrown from his rhythm.

"What movie? I don't want to pick one that you've already seen."

"Well, that should be easy. I haven't seen much."

"C'mon. People always say that and it's never true."

"Well, for me, it's true. Now what do you want for lunch. The rush is starting."

"Casablanca?"

"Nope."

"You have never seen Casablanca? Seriously?"

"Just get anything. Please."

"Chinatown? Bonnie and Clyde?"

"I'll come back when you're ready to order."

"No, no, no, wait!" Rory yelled. " _We_ 're ready." She gestured between herself and Lane.

" _Diner?_ " Lorelai continued. "Have you never seen _Diner_?"

Luke took the girls' orders, then turned to Lorelai. "Casablanca. Get Casablanca. Now what do you want."

"Okay, Casablanca to start. And I'll have my usual."

"Great. I can bring dinner tonight, too, if you want," Luke said calmly.

"Sounds great. I'll have plenty of beer," Lorelai replied. Luke nodded, then disappeared to the kitchen. Rory stared at Lorelai. Lane, oblivious to all of it, excused herself to use the restroom.

"Um, okay," Rory began, "I didn't want to drill you in front of Luke and Lane, but what was that all about?"

Lorelai pulled out her Filofax and pretended to consult with it in an attempt to look distracted. "Luke's coming over for a movie night tonight."

"Really?"

"Don't look at me like that. He was having a bad day and you have a date tonight, so I thought it might be fun." Rory's smirk was annoying. " _Nothing_ is going on!"

"If you say so," Rory replied, unconvincingly.

~ OOOOO ~

Movie night proved to be quite a test of Lorelai's resolve. It began innocently enough, two friends hanging out on the couch, watching a classic movie. Lorelai went through "the rules" of watching "a true classic", then proceeded to break them all. Luke got annoyed when Lorelai spent most of the movie staring at him to see his reactions. Rory called to get advice about her bad date, which prompted them to pause the movie and talk for a good half hour about how awful dating is and swap war stories about their worst dates. This led to a more frank discussion about their own relationships.

"Dating's the worst," Luke said.

"It's the only cure for the singleness thing," Lorelai replied, somewhat automatically. "Dating is how you get to know your potential partner. It's the only way." But when she thought about it, she realized she was wrong. There was friendship. But she couldn't say that. It would have been hinting just a little too much.

"There's the gut. I can tell if I'm comfortable with someone within seconds of meeting them. I feel it here," he said, pointing to his stomach. "I felt it with Rachel. I felt it with Nicole. I was immediately relaxed."

"Well, there's a difference between being relaxed with someone and wanting to spend your life with them. I mean, how do you account for the fact that you're not with either of them right now?" She couldn't help wondering what his gut told him about her.

"I didn't say it was perfect," he said with a sigh. "It's just knowing that someone'll let you be."

"Because that's what makes you happy? When someone doesn't care enough about you to nag you?"

"When someone doesn't want to change you, yeah."

"Does this apply to friends, too?" Lorelai sensed a problem with his logic and she wasn't about to let him off the hook.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…" She closed her eyes for a moment, took a breath, then opened her eyes and looked right at him. "You find me annoying and intrusive, so why are we friends? And, by the way, the street goes both ways. You nag me constantly. You're always trying to change me - my eating habits, whatever behavior you think is unsafe. I used to think you did that because you cared. Now I'm not so sure."

"I'm just trying to help you live longer."

"By changing me."

"Not _change_ you. Not who you are, anyway."

"Still, I would hardly call what you do 'letting me be'."

They stared at each other for what felt like minutes. Luke opened his mouth to say something, but the ringing of the phone cut him off. He answered it before she could stop him and the next thing she knew she was talking to her mother about the upcoming launch party for her father's new business venture. By the time she hung up, the jovial mood from earlier was completely spoiled and they put the movie back on.

It took a while, but they eventually got comfortable again and were shoulder-to-shoulder by the time the film ended.

"She left with Victor?" Luke said, almost looking offended.

"He's her husband," Lorelai answered.

"But she loves Rick."

"She loves them both. Maybe she loves Rick more, but she's committed to Victor," Lorelai said.

"You wanted her to be with Victor?"

"Um…" She thought about it for a minute before answering. "No, I think I _wanted_ her to stay with Rick, but I _understand_ why she left with Victor. And at least they had Paris. I bet lots of soul mates never even get to have a few months together because they meet when one of them is committed to someone else."

"That's a depressing thought," Luke said, looking pensive and fiddling with his shirt tail.

Lorelai wanted desperately to reach a hand out and palm his cheek. She felt an overwhelming urge to kiss him just then, as he contemplated the fates of two star-crossed lovers, or so she assumed that's what he was thinking about. She was sitting a little too close to him for comfort and had been most of the evening. It was an innocent enough distance, but it afforded her a close-up view of his strong jaw and his scent had invaded her nostrils throughout the movie. She was practically swooning.

This feeling was new to Lorelai. It was very, very rare for her to pursue any man; they usually pursued her. And even on the one or two occasions she could think of when she actively expressed interest, it was more of a calculation on her part, something that came from her head rather than an urge or a longing. But with Luke it was different. Once she had decided to acknowledge the attraction, that attraction took over, consuming her.

She kept herself under control and put in "Hardbodies" when it was clear they had exhausted the topic of "Casablanca". She sat back down, this time with her back to one arm of the sofa and her toes tucked under his thigh. It was intimate, but not torturously so. They had been watching the movie in relative silence for about 10 minutes when Lorelai looked over to find Luke asleep, his head sliding slowly toward her. _Well, that'll keep me from making a move on him_ , she thought. She stood up and gently encouraged him to lay down. She was just covering him with an afghan when Rory came in.

"He looks comfy there, doesn't he?" Rory said.

"Yeah, he does," Lorelai replied with a small smile on her face. She turned to Rory and then walked into the kitchen. "So, you want to talk about it, or just forget it?"

She wanted talk. A little.

They had been chatting over cookies for about half an hour when a sleepy-eyed Luke came in, greeted Rory, then said his goodnights and turned to leave for home.

"Not so fast, mister!" Lorelai said, getting up to walk him out. "I had fun. Did you have fun?"

"Um, yeah."

"You wanna do it again next week?" She was bouncing on her toes just a little and giving him the sweetest, most innocent smile she could muster.

"Sure," he said, rubbing his eyes. "Same time?"

"Same time. I'll pick out another classic." She grinned at him, not bothering to try to hide her feelings about it.


	3. Wanting

**Wanting**

Lorelai felt warm. She felt safe. She felt strong and healthy and _good_. She was curled in a ball on Luke's lap, his strong arms around her like wings enveloping her, holding her to him. She could accomplish anything because he would be there to support her, to hold her up and keep her from falling, from failing. She would never feel cold, never feel lonely again. Her thoughts were simple. It was one thought, really: happy. She was happy. She heard him laugh - a sweet laugh that made his chest rumble, tickling her ear. His hand reached up to stroke her hair, then it rested on her cheek and she smiled. She turned her face up to look at him. He was smiling, a smile that reached his beautiful blue eyes.

So this is what it's like to be in love. Well, more than that. This is what it's like to be in love and to feel love in return. In her dream, she felt loved. She woke slowly, savoring the feeling that her dream left behind. She had to remind herself that the love she felt _from_ Luke was only in the dream, but the potential… Oh, the potential...

She wished that every Sunday morning would start this way. The only thing she could think of that would make it better is if she woke up to find herself actually in Luke's arms.

The third week in September started with this warm, soothing dream and residual good feelings. From there it followed a now familiar pattern. Lorelai spent hours each day in the diner, meeting with clients, the architect, and Tom, and working on her business plan. The following Monday would be the big day, the day they would start the demolition of the Dragonfly. The porch had to be torn down and the insides basically gutted. Then the building would sit until after the holidays, when the real work would begin. They would rebuild the porch, add on to the second floor, and expand the back of the building to accommodate a larger kitchen and more guest rooms. Tom was a popular contractor who was fitting the demolition in between other jobs. Getting it done now would put them a month ahead in January.

Each afternoon between the lunch rush and the flurry at 3:00 when the high school let out for the day, Lorelai and Luke took a walk. Sometimes they got ice cream. Sometimes they ran an errand or two, but usually they just meandered, chatting about anything and everything. When it rained, they took umbrellas, but they still went.

On Wednesday she drove down to Yale with her care package as usual. This week's contribution from Luke was a large container of Rory's favorite vegetable beef soup and another whole pie. Lorelai sensed a little competition brewing between him and Sookie, who had sent some elaborate pastries. Rory still seemed a little unsettled in her new environment, a little less confident than the girl who rose to the top of the class at Chilton after a rocky start, but adjusting was something she had to do on her own. All Lorelai could do was listen and try to give her good advice. Despite her concerns, Lorelai always returned to the diner recharged after an afternoon with her best friend.

Thursday afternoon's walk was longer than usual at 45 minutes and Lorelai spent the first 20 complaining to Luke about the challenges the last week had presented her while he listened, as usual, with a sympathetic ear.

"I really doubt he has the legal authority to stop the demolition or construction, but I need the support of this town. I need Taylor's support to make this fly. Otherwise, I've just bought a very expensive home for stray cats." She had received a cease-and-desist type of letter from Taylor, stating that work could not begin on the inn because it was a historical building.

"Damn Taylor," Luke said. "I swear, one of these days somebody is going to run against him."

"Who would want that job?"

"Good point. So what are you going to do?"

Lorelai sighed. "Sookie, Michel, and I have to give a presentation at tonight's town meeting. I just hope that will be the end of it. But I have a sneaking suspicion that there's more to this. Taylor doesn't usually make it more difficult for a new business to get started without some ulterior motive. I'm just waiting for a shoe to drop."

Luke groaned. "Yeah, I wouldn't trust Taylor either. Let me know if I can do anything to help."

"Just being there and being supportive would be a lot, Luke." Luke groaned again and gave her one of those I'm-gonna-do-this-but-just-because-you-asked-and-you-really-owe-me looks. They were quiet for a moment before Lorelai spoke again. "So… um, how's it going with you?" They had made it to the footbridge over the lake. She stopped and took a seat, dangling her feet over the edge. Luke followed suit.

"I assume you mean the divorce."

"Sure, or… anything you want to talk about."

"Well, I had to hire a lawyer - No cracks about my need to hire a lawyer to divorce a lawyer, please." He rolled his eyes as he spoke.

Lorelai smiled. "I'm sure that was hard for you to do."

"It was necessary," he said, looking down at the water. "Turns out legal actions have legal consequences."

They were quiet for a minute before Lorelai spoke softly. "Luke, can I…um, I'm gonna ask you something and I want you to feel free to tell me it's none of my business." She hesitated, almost changing her mind. Then she decided she needed to at least ask. "Um… why did you… why did you marry her?"

He looked out at the lake with no particular expression, but Lorelai saw his jaw twitch. "I told you why."

"I didn't really get it. I mean, do you love her?" That was the question she really wanted the answer to.

It took him some time to answer. He seemed to be thinking about what to say. Finally he sighed and said, "I may have been a little drunk when I asked her. By the time I'd sobered up, I felt… committed."

"Well, being drunk doesn't mean it wasn't something you wanted," she noted.

"Look, you know how it is when you're on vacation," he said. "I was out of my environment, away from Stars Hollow."

"Well, I don't really know." She remembered how much time she spent thinking about him and her life while she was in Europe. "I took part of Stars Hollow and my regular life with me. Rory kept me grounded."

"I guess having her to talk to all the time would do that. But everything about my trip was… off. And I thought… all of these people we met, all of the couples… they were living their lives _with_ someone. Some of them had been together for decades. Some had raised kids together, had families, had someone to share… everything with. They had a life that was more than just get up in the morning, go to work, come home, sleep, repeat. They were _living_ life. _Enjoying_ life. Not just going through life." He looked over at her. "I'll be 40 in a couple of months, Lorelai."

She stared back. "Okay, I think I get it now," she said, nodding slightly. They sat in silence for a long time before heading back.

As they walked slowly back to the diner, Lorelai concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other, still trying to wrap her brain around what prompted Luke to marry Nicole. She thought back to Max and what made her think that she should marry him. Was it really all about settling in order to have someone rather than no one?

~ OOOOO ~

Of course Taylor dodged the issue at the town meeting by questioning and criticizing even the tiniest details about the inn and scoffing at them. Eventually, she got him to tell her that the Historical Society would need to inspect the property, so she arranged for that to happen on Sunday morning, as if she didn't have enough to worry about and fret over.

Friday night Lorelai and Sookie were catering and coordinating a retirement party in Woodbury. She was more than happy to skip dinner with her parents, but that meant not seeing Rory, so she talked her daughter into coming home for the weekend. This meant that Rory would join her and Luke for movie night, which was perfect because Lorelai wasn't confident that she'd be able to control her impulses and she really wanted to make it a few more weeks. Blowing her chance at a forever relationship with Luke by moving too fast was unthinkable. Rory would be a good buffer and they would all have fun without her having to worry about keeping herself in check. They broke the news to Luke over lunch.

"And I'm picking the movie," Rory added.

Luke just smiled at her and said, "I trust you."

"Good! _The Princess Bride_ it is," Rory announced.

Luke's expression changed so quickly it was like she had flicked a switch. He groaned and his shoulders drooped. "Seriously? Is that a Disney movie or something?"

Lorelai jumped in, "Oh no, Luke, you're really going to love it. Seriously. It's a classic comedy adventure. Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles!"

Luke stared at her, blinking.

"Okay, give it 15 minutes. If you don't like it, we'll put on something else, right Rory?"

"I'll agree to that because I know you're gonna love it," Rory promised.

"Okay, okay," Luke sighed. "So, I'll bring food, even though I know you'll have a spread that even Willy Wonka would be proud of. The special tonight is meat loaf. Do you want that or your usual burgers?"

"Burger, please!" the girls said simultaneously, knowing that meat loaf meant they'd probably end up with vegetables instead of fries.

Luke went off to start their lunch orders while Rory and Lorelai resumed the conversation they were having when they came in: whether or not to go to Dean's wedding the next day.

~ OOOOO ~

"Hello! My name is Inigo Montoya. You keeeled my father. Prepare to die!"

Luke's impression of Inigo was so amazing that neither Lorelai nor Rory could breathe from laughing so hard. Lorelai couldn't remember ever seeing Luke so relaxed and free. If he changed his voice for an impression, it was usually done in anger or frustration, during a rant, not with humor. But tonight he was… well, for Luke he was downright nutty. She laughed so hard that tears dripped from her eyes. Rory was literally rolling on the floor giggling when she asked, "Can you do the priest, too?"

Luke thought for a second, then gave it a shot. "Maywage…" He cleared his throat and said, "Uh, no. I think Inigo is my limit." He held a hand up as if it had a sword in it and said, "I... am not left-handed!" This elicited more laughter from the girls. It took a minute or two for them to calm down enough to continue the conversation.

"See?" Lorelai jumped in. "We told you it was good! We wouldn't steer you wrong."

"Okay, okay. I can admit it. I thought it was going to be a kid movie or a chick flick."

"Well," said Rory, "Since you liked that so much, I think our second feature should be another Rob Reiner movie."

"Oh, yeah!" Lorelai said. "Let's watch _Stand By Me!_ We've got that one upstairs."

"Oh, I don't know. It's almost 10," Luke said, but his tone was weak. The girls both knew it wouldn't take much to push him over the edge. So they both turned on the charm

"Pleeease?" they said together, both batting their lashes and smiling. Lorelai added, "We promise you'll get home by midnight so you don't turn into a pumpkin."

"Please, Luke?" Rory begged, making the cheesiest puppy dog eyes she could muster. "Please, please, please?"

Luke sighed heavily and plopped down on the sofa saying, "As you wish," just as the phone rang. Lorelai got up to answer while Rory put the new movie in.

"It's Caesar," Lorelai said, handing the phone to a concerned Luke.

"What's up? Is everything okay?..." Luke said into the phone. He looked at Rory, then got up and headed toward the kitchen. Lorelai could barely make out what he said to Caesar. "Did the other guys leave?... uh-huh… uh-huh… Okay, well why don't you and Kyle take him upstairs and dump him on Jess's bed. Let him sleep it off." There was a long pause, then suddenly, "Woah, wait… did he just say what I think he said?" Luke turned back and looked behind him, toward Rory. "Yeah, yeah… Yeah, just… I'm sure he'll be okay, Caesar. If he's out, he's probably down for the night. Yep, send Kyle home and close up. I'll make sure he gets up in the morning… Uh-huh… Yeah, call me here if anything changes. Thanks, Caesar. You did the right thing."

When he returned Lorelai asked, "Is everything okay?"

Luke waved it off, saying, "Yeah, it's fine. Caesar just…" He leaned in and spoke low, trying to keep Rory from hearing. "Dean's bachelor party ended at the diner. They were a little drunk. But it's under control."

Lorelai gasped, "Ohmygod, I forgot to get a gift! Rory, you'll have to get Dean's wedding present while I'm at the Inn tomorrow for Taylor's stupid walk-through."

"Oh, that's no problem," Rory replied.

"Um…" Luke looked nervous. He took a breath and spit out, "Don't go to the wedding."

They each gave him a puzzled look. "Why not?" Lorelai said.

"Just… I don't think it would be a good idea."

Rory and Lorelai looked at each other. The truth was, neither wanted to go and both had been concerned that they were invited more out of politeness than because they were actually wanted. They weren't looking forward to the inevitable awkwardness and Rory really didn't know how she would feel watching her first love marry another woman. As they exchanged glances, they also exchanged a sort of silent agreement to just accept Luke's advice. They didn't need to know why. If he didn't think it was a good idea, maybe it wasn't.

"Um, okay," Rory said.

"Yeah, okay," Lorelai agreed. "We won't go." And that was the end of the conversation, but Lorelai's self awareness seemed to be working overtime and she ruminated over the fact that both she and Rory seemed to trust Luke unconditionally. He had earned that trust.

They watched the second movie like they had the first, with Luke on one end of the sofa, Lorelai sitting cross-legged on the other end, hand-quilting a blanket she had pieced in the evenings for Sookie's baby (her first attempt at hand-quilting; she usually tied her quilts). Rory sat on a cushion on the floor between them. There wasn't as much laughter due to some of the somber themes of the film, but Luke appeared to be having a good time and he stayed awake. About half way through the movie Lorelai caught him looking at her. His expression didn't give away his reason for doing so, but his eyes moved back to the screen almost immediately. A few minutes later she realized that he was looking at her again, but she didn't move her eyes to check right away. When it happened a third time, she got goosebumps. She began to wonder if maybe he had been doing that all night and she didn't notice before because they were all constantly exchanging glances through laughter during _The Princess Bride_.

He seemed to be studying her a little bit at a time. When she was sure he was looking at the screen again, she turned her head and looked at him. He seemed engrossed in the movie as the boys chatted around the campfire about their favorite TV shows and all other things deep and shallow, then he turned to look at her again. Their eyes locked and she felt time slow down, like it had at times in years past when she felt a moment of closeness with him. But the moment was gone when Rory said, "I hate that they never actually answer that question. Goofy's a dog, right?" as she turned to her two elders.

"Yep. Definitely a dog," Luke said. Lorelai just nodded. She shifted in her seat, set her quilting down, grabbed a pillow to plop in her lap, and turned her face to the screen. But she was lost in thought for the rest of the movie.

She was ready. It had only been five weeks, not the two months she was shooting for, but she couldn't wait anymore. She didn't want to. And a plan was formulating.

~ OOOOO ~

It was nearly midnight when the trio finished the movie and said their good-byes. Lorelai walked Luke out while Rory cleaned up.

"So, you liked both movies, right?" she asked when they got to the porch.

"Um, yeah," Luke admitted. " _The Princess Bride_ won hands down, but I liked the other one, too. I can't believe that kid is the same guy who was in _Sliders_ , though."

Lorelai sighed and rolled her eyes. "The geek is strong in you, isn't it?" Luke ducked his head and rolled his own eyes, a little embarrassed. "So, um, another Rob Reiner classic would be a good choice for next week?" She chose her words carefully, making it clear that she expected him to continue this weekly thing they'd started, but giving him room to back out if he wasn't comfortable.

He turned, nodding and nonchalantly replying, "Sounds good. See you tomorrow," as he gave her his patented half-wave, trotted down the steps, and disappeared into the darkness.

Lorelai stood on the porch for a moment, thinking about her plan. It wasn't _much_ of a plan, really. She didn't know what she was going to say to him. She only knew how she was going to set the mood and how she would allow the topic of their friendship, and the possibility for more, to present itself. She figured she would gage his reaction to the movie she had planned, then wing it from there. She went to the cabinet and pulled out _When Harry Met Sally_ and set it next to the TV.

~ OOOOO ~

"Let him have his truck," Lorelai choked out the second she crossed the threshold. Luke was standing at the counter, surrounded by what looked like an assortment of peppers and other fruits and vegetables, chopping. He gave her a puzzled look.

Lorelai had spent the morning standing in front of the Dragonfly at an ungodly hour with Sookie and Michel, trading statements about what they would rather be doing while Taylor, Patty, and a half dozen other members of the Stars Hollow Historical Society wandered around the dilapidated building pretending to care what might be done to it. Eventually, she lost her patience and confronted Taylor. Then she lost her temper. When it became clear that Taylor's entire motivation for the torture he was putting her through was selfish, she got to the bottom of it quickly: he expected her to persuade Luke to allow him to park an ice cream truck near the diner.

"If I get Luke to agree with this, the madness stops?" Lorelai spat into Taylor's face, "the work begins and the porch goes?"

"All expedited, nice and neat," Taylor insisted.

"An ice cream truck?"

"An ice cream truck."

Lorelai took a breath and released Taylor.

Patty interjected. "You should have no trouble persuading Luke, honey, especially with all of the time you've been spending together lately. Don't think we haven't noticed, Missy," she said as she walked toward the golf cart.

Lorelai headed for Luke's, cutting through the woods, but not before she rolled her eyes and said, "We're just friends, Patty." Under her breath she added, "...for now."

So she found herself at the diner, begging Luke to allow Taylor to park his ice cream truck on Main Street without making a fuss. Luke, in an unusually good mood, said, "What do I care" and smiled at Lorelai's 'revelation' that success in business was all about making deals. Too wired and too busy to stay and chat, she took off to find Taylor and ensure that she wasn't about to pay Tom's demolition crew to sit around and do nothing. Then it would be back to the inn for pre-demolition pictures with Sookie and Michel.

By the time she returned to the diner (this time with Rory in tow) for an early dinner that evening, Lorelai was exhausted. Between staying up late the night before, getting up early, and running around all day, it had been one of her most challenging days yet.

"Hey, what's it take to get some service around here?" she yelled in her mock-angry voice as they sat down at the table closest to the counter.

"Keep your pants on!" Luke yelled back, his typical response to such demands. But that was the last of the banter and it became unclear to Lorelai if even that was banter on his part. He was grumpy. Not regular Luke grumpy, but really grouchy, like she hadn't seen him since before their summer trips. The diner was only about half full, but he scooted around it distractedly as if it was the middle of the breakfast rush. What Lorelai found most puzzling was his lack of eye contact. Well, his lack of eye contact with her at least. Had she done something wrong? Did he really not want the ice cream truck parked in front of the diner and he didn't want to say so?

"Luke?" she asked as he buzzed past her. He kept going, so she tried louder, "Luke?"

He finally turned around with a "Hmmm?" but he barely looked at her.

"Are you okay?"

"What?"

"You seem a little down. Are you okay?"

He still wouldn't look her in the eye. "Um, yeah. I just… Bread guy didn't bring enough rye." He pointed to the curtain. "I'm just gonna go up and… uh… take care of it." He sent Caesar over to take their order and disappeared to his apartment. When Rory left for Yale half an hour later, he was still up there.

She thought about going up. She just had a feeling that something was bothering him. But she was exhausted and maybe even a little bit afraid to find out that he was upset with her. She couldn't think of why he'd be upset with her, but her paranoid self couldn't shake that concern. In the end she decided to ignore it and go home to a bubble bath and a pint of Chunky Monkey.

~ OOOOO ~

Lorelai was _busy_. Busier than she had been in a very long time. On top of the demolition, she and Sookie had managed to bag three new jobs. The last event, scheduled for mid-October, would probably be the final job for Independence Catering, since Sookie was due mid-November. And the two clients they currently had were demanding. Well, at least one was. Emily was demanding enough for five.

Lorelai was stuck at the inn much of Monday and Tuesday, only able to stop by the diner for a brief lunch and to pick up to-go orders for the crew. Luke seemed a little more relaxed than he had been Sunday night, but he didn't respond to her playful banter with his own. Instead, he just smiled weakly or chuckled politely, going along with her jokes. He also still seemed to be avoiding eye contact when he could. On Monday she tried again to ask him if he was okay, but he dodged the questions and disappeared again. After that, she chose not to push him, figuring he'd talk to her if and when he was ready.

Wednesday morning she stopped in for breakfast, but Luke wasn't there. Caesar handed her a bag of muffins, saying, "Luke left these for Rory last night. Oh, and," he set a box in front of her, "He said these are for you." She knew what was in it before she opened it. She could smell them. Triple-chocolate brownies. He had made them once by accident and had since used them to cheer her up or bribe her, whatever was needed.

"Um, thanks Caesar… Where is Luke?"

"Don't know," the cook replied. "I expect him after the breakfast rush, though."

Of course Lorelai was curious where he was, but mostly she was disappointed. Between his mood and her lack of time, she hadn't seen much of him since Saturday night, despite coming in at least once a day. She was used to seeing him for long hours and it was now nearly a week since they had last taken an afternoon stroll. She wouldn't get a chance to come in this afternoon either, because she and Sookie were scheduled for a tasting with her mother.

Since Luke wasn't there, she didn't much feel like hanging out for breakfast, even though Patty and Kirk had a seat open at their table. She took coffee and a couple of donuts and headed over to Sookie's to pick up a care package, planning to stop by the inn to check on Tom before heading down to Yale.

~ OOOOO ~

Lorelai was more nervous about this tasting than she could remember being about any business meeting ever. She knew Emily's reputation, but she didn't need the reputation to tell her that her mother was, well, "difficult to work with" was the nicest way should could put it. She had seen Emily-the-organizer first hand. There was a reason she had never kept a maid longer than two months.

But both Lorelai and Sookie were pleasantly surprised. Emily was demanding and direct, but she was not impossible. She valued honesty and hard work, both of which the women could provide. Yes, she wanted things perfectly her way, but she made it easy by stating precisely what she wanted. All one had to do was follow her instructions to the letter and she'd be happy. Well, it wasn't _that_ simple. Lorelai's creativity and Sookie's skill were essential, but Emily seemed to fire people over things that really were quite silly and easy to avoid, like placing candle sticks more than six inches apart. Lorelai knew there was no room for error, but as long as they paid attention to details, she thought they would be fine. And Sookie's food really couldn't be beat. So in the end the tasting was a chore, but her mother was pleased with the results and the job was looking to be a lot less painful than she had initially thought.

And so Wednesday ended on a bit of a high. Lorelai was exhausted, but feeling pretty good about things. It was kind of disturbing to see the inn being stripped down to nothing, but she knew that meant it would be ready to rebuild and they would make it bigger, stronger, and better than it was before. The business was bringing in enough that Lorelai was confident she could pay her bills until the Dragonfly opened. Rory was doing well at school and adjusting to life on her own. Things were good.

And she had a plan to approach Luke about raising the stakes in their relationship. Yes, things were good. But she was anxious. Excited, but anxious. It didn't help that she had barely seen Luke the last four days and when she had he was oddly distant. Still, she had to admit that her post-Rory life so far wasn't too bad.

~ OOOOO ~

Then Thursday arrived.

Tom needed her at the inn so early that she skipped Luke's yet again and headed out with a travel mug of coffee and a handful of Pop Tarts. When she arrived at the Dragonfly, Tom had bad news for her, something that was missed in all three pre-purchase inspections. More than 50 years of improper drainage allowed water to seep into the foundation causing it to crack.

As soon as she heard the word "foundation", she gasped. Her legs felt like jelly. Everyone knew that when the foundation was bad, the whole thing was worthless, right? Tom quickly calmed her down, explaining that it wasn't as bad as all that. It was fixable. But it would cost another $15,000 to repair the cracks and put in a proper drainage system. The chimney and a few other unexpected problems had already set them back $20,000; they couldn't take too many more hits like this one. In fact, they may have to cut some corners, starting with the horses. Of course things could be worse, but this was not an insignificant problem.

When it was clear that she was just in the way at the inn, Lorelai headed to the diner for lunch. Trying to lighten her own mood (and hoping to lighten Luke's if he was still in a funk), she trotted in almost yelling, "Cheeseburger, onion rings, and a list of people who killed their parents and got away with it. I'm looking for heroes!"

"How'd the tasting go yesterday?" Luke asked.

"We got the job," she replied in a tone that suggested that wasn't a good thing.

"It would have been pathetic if you hadn't." She noticed that he was staring past her and turned around to see what he found so interesting. "What's Kirk doing?"

"Practicing," he replied, explaining the camera that was set up across the table from Kirk. Apparently, Kirk had a date for the next night and was recording himself practicing small talk and eating behaviors. Now it was Lorelai who couldn't take her eyes off of him. "Do you ever think about how many different ways Kirk could get kicked out of the army?"

She ordered a burger and was thrilled to be able to talk to Luke while she ate for the first time in days. He seemed to be in a better mood than he had been the last few days, but still more like pre-vacation Luke than the Luke she had been spending time with since Rory moved into the dorm. When the burger and fries were gone and she was on her third cup of coffee, she worked up the nerve to mention Saturday's movie night.

"So I think I'll order pizza this time and give you a break," she said.

"Huh?"

"Saturday night. I'll just order pizza. Is that okay?"

"Oh…" Luke winced. "Um, I'm sorry Lorelai. I can't make it Saturday night."

She felt her heart drop into her stomach, but she caught the pain before it could reach her face. Instead, she forced a smile and raised her cup to her mouth as she said, "How come? Got a hot date?" teasing him to hide her disappointment.

Luke looked away and started to stammer. Before he could spit out a reply, Lorelai's phone rang. It was Rory.

"Hi, sweetie. Can you hang on for a sec?" Digging in her purse for cash, Lorelai slid off the stool. "It's Rory, so I'm gonna..." she said, gesturing toward the door with her head. "I'll see you later, Luke."

"Yeah, see ya," he said, nodding. She thought he looked relieved.

Once outside, she put the phone to her ear again. "What's up, hon?"

"My tree. Someone stole my tree."

Lorelai sighed. Rory would always come first for her, but there were limits to her patience. This wasn't a break up. It wasn't Rory having trouble in school. It wasn't even roommate trouble exactly. This was a moody Rory having a tough time finding a place to study. This didn't rank on the list of things a mother should be handling for her child. Even lending a sympathetic ear felt like babying. Still trying to keep her emotions in check and not lash out at her daughter, she told Rory as gently as she could to toughen up and figure it out. Then she stomped home to take a bubble bath, relax, try not to worry about why Luke had cancelled their date - _Was I really thinking of it as a date?_ \- and to think about an alternative plan to approach Luke about their relationship.

After said bath, Lorelai donned comfortable clothes, ate a couple dozen cookies, and watched _Willie Wonka_ , but she failed to come up with a plan. Instead, she wallowed in the bad mood that had clouded her day. She worried about the additional money it would take to repair the foundation of the inn. She wondered what Luke was doing Saturday night that meant he couldn't come over for movie night. She missed Rory, but she didn't want to burden her and she didn't want to hear her complain about a stupid tree. Ugh.

A knock on the door pulled her back to reality. She paused the movie and got up to answer it, hoping it was the pizza she hadn't ordered yet. It made no sense, but it kept her mind busy until she opened the door to find her mother looking back at her.

"Lorelai, were you asleep?" she asked, looking her up and down.

"Uh, no."

"Then why are you in your pajamas?"

"These aren't pajamas."

"You wear that in public?"

Lorelai sighed. "Hi, Mom. Would you like to come in?" She showed her into the house. When they were both sitting, Emily on the sofa and Lorelai across from her on the ottoman, Emily got to the point.

"I have to talk to you about something," she began. "I'm afraid you aren't going to be catering the launch party afterall."

Lorelai's scoff was audible. _I should have expected this_ , she thought. _I should have known_. "What?" she said, "Why?"

"Your father and I just decided to go a different way, that's all."

Lorelai's disappointment turned to anger, but she kept it under control. "A different way?"

"Now, of course I realize that you've already put out some money…"

"Yeah, we have," Lorelai replied, looking down at the floor in order to keep from losing her temper.

"Of course I will reimburse you for all of your expenses," Emily continued, all business. "Just give me the receipts."

"Great, well, thanks for the notice," Lorelai said, a little sarcastically.

"You don't have to take that tone with me, Lorelai."

"I don't?"

"I'm sorry, Lorelai," her mother said, more softly and compassionately than she had said anything since Lorelai was a young girl. "I really am. I thought your table was lovely. I thought the food was wonderful. I was really looking forward to this party. I think it might have been the best one I'd ever put on."

Suddenly Lorelai realized this was not a scheme or a slight. And Emily was hurting. "Well then, what happened?" she asked.

"Oh, you know. Times change, Lorelai. Things that were once considered proper and elegant are now considered stuffy and out of date."

"Like what?" Lorelai asked, although she thought she knew the answer.

"Like canapes and cocktail parties and the people who plan them."

Lorelai looked at her with real sympathy. She had never seen her mother so vulnerable. "Mom, what are you talking about?"

"Nothing. It's not important."

"Mom, c'mon."

"Jason decided to take the clients to Atlantic City this weekend instead." Lorelai rolled her eyes while Emily continued. "He thinks that's what they'd prefer to do. He's probably right. Anyhow, what do I know."

 _Damn it, Digger!_

"So, your Friday night is free this week since we will be in Atlantic City with the clients. I already talked to Rory and she was glad to have the weekend to study. So that's that." Lorelai had never seen her mother look so small.

They talked for a few more minutes and Emily assured Lorelai that she was not upset, that she only did these things for Richard, so if he thought Atlantic City was the way to go, so be it. She left with her chin up, but Lorelai couldn't help feeling sad, not just for the lost business, but for her mother, too.

 _What a shitty, shitty day_.

~ OOOOO ~

Lorelai woke up Friday morning with a headache. _Big surprise_ , she thought. As she tried to swallow a couple of ibuprofen she noticed that her jaw was sore, too. _Must have been grinding my teeth last night_ , she concluded. This was also not a big surprise. Grouchy and angry, she trudged through the house, going through her morning ritual on autopilot and trying to think about what she should do, what she _could_ do.

She did her best thinking while cleaning, so that's what she did all morning. Laundry, dishes, she even cleaned the bathroom from top to bottom while she thought hard.

There was nothing to be done about the cocktail party. The decision had been made. But at least she could give Digger a piece of her mind. It might make her feel better and maybe it would make him a little more sensitive to Emily in the future.

Around noon she stormed into Jason's office saying "We need to talk."

As he closed the door behind him and offered her a drink, Lorelai looked around at the clean, sterile space. There were a few pieces of art, but it was otherwise cold and impersonal. Almost disturbing. But she shrugged it off and got down to business, going at him with both barrels right from the start. She yelled about how he had treated her mother. She yelled about the other people who were affected by the party cancellation. She yelled about how thoughtless he was. But nothing that she said seemed to bother him. To his credit, he apologized and explained that he didn't know that Emily was planning a party when he decided on the Atlantic City trip, but he showed no remorse or sympathy. Eventually, the argument took a turn down Memory Lane and devolved into a back-and-forth about summer camp.

Then he asked her out.

"Have dinner with me next week," he said.

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "I am not having dinner with you."

"Why not?"

"Because, you just had me fired. You insulted my mother?"

He wasn't buying it. "I didn't think you and your mother were so close."

"We're not."

"You're being awfully protective of her," he noted.

"Well, every family has a Fredo."

"Yeah, and Fredo's family put two in the back of his head."

"My relationship with my mother is none of your business."

"Then have dinner with me," he said.

"No!" she replied.

"Why not?"

"Because."

"Because your mother would hate it."

She realized he was right and for a moment she couldn't remember why she was trying to help her mother. "You suck," she said, almost chuckling. She had no interest in dating Digger; she wanted Luke. But there was a small part of her that was intrigued. He was a little… slimey. She hated the way he ogled her. But there was a charm, too. The thought of pissing off her mother made her feel like a rebellious teenager, but for a moment it was appealing. Then the moment was gone.

By the time she walked out, he had asked her to dinner at least four times and she shot him down each time, but she noticed that he didn't seem the least bit deterred. She should have found his unflappable self-confidence annoying, but instead it just made her chuckle. It was actually kind of fun sparring with him.

Partially cheered up, she decided to head to the diner for a late lunch. And maybe an afternoon walk with Luke. They hadn't walked together all week. Her brain was an ugly jumble of stress and confusion and problems looking for solutions. She really needed something to ground her, to help her get her bearings. Unloading on Sookie or Rory were not options. They had their own stress to deal with. She needed Luke.

~ OOOOO ~

The bells rang as she pushed through the door and headed for a seat at the counter, but as she approached, she was startled to find a skinny blonde lawyer picking at some french fries.

"Nicole!" she blurted out, unable to stop herself.

"Hi, Lorelai," Nicole said in a cheery voice. Lorelai was so stunned that she could only babble in response.

"Well, I'll be, look at you there!" Lorelai looked and felt like a child who had just snuck into an R-rated movie and got caught. She was completely thrown.

"It's nice to see you," Nicole said calmly. She didn't seem to be bothered by Lorelai's behavior. In fact, she seemed to be taking some pleasure in it.

"Um, yeah, does Luke know you're here?"

"Yeah," Nicole said as casually as she could, "he's just in the back. Do you want him?"

"No, I don't want him," Lorelai said quickly, feeling an odd sense of guilt. "I don't want him. Um, you good?"

"Very good. And you?"

"Very good, too," she replied, then babbled some more about Rory and whatever else she could think of to make small talk. She dug herself a hole with it. She kept waiting for Luke to appear and take some of the pressure off and maybe explain what his soon-to-be-ex-wife was doing in the diner, but he didn't. Eventually she thought she'd embarrassed herself enough and retreated, saying, "Well, I just realized that I'm not hungry. I just ate. But it's really good to see you."

"Same here," Nicole said, a twinkle in her eye saying so much more.

"Really good," Lorelai said, backing toward the door.

"Uh huh."

"Okay, bye," she turned and practically ran out the door, but not before she noted the satisfied expression on Nicole's face.

Lorelai just kept walking, going nowhere in particular. She just walked. Inside she was panicked. What could this mean? She needed to talk to Luke. She shouldn't assume anything. She needed to talk to Luke, but not while Nicole was there.

 _What. the. Hell…_

Thoughts swirled around in her head - dark, ugly thoughts and hopeful thoughts all jumbled together. She tried to keep any of them from latching on because she needed more information. She needed to know what it meant before she could allow herself to feel anything. She tried hard not to feel, not to think. She brought her head up and forced herself to look into stores, but nothing in the windows registered enough to make her stop and take notice.

After walking for about 10 minutes she realized that she hadn't eaten yet, so she headed in a circle toward Westin's. She ordered coffee and a muffin and sat down to eat, but she couldn't sit still. She dumped the muffin in the trash with only one bite missing, grabbed her coffee, and started walking again, but she had run out of town. There was nowhere else to go. She found herself meandering, walking around the same blocks like a tourist who was lost.

She didn't know how much time had gone by when saw Westin's again, but her coffee was empty. This time she was able to sit for a while, drinking a mochaccino and trying to get some of her thoughts in order. She still couldn't eat, but she watched people go in and out, not really seeing them as she contemplated her next move. She didn't mark time. She just sat.

Are they back together? She knew the divorce hadn't gone through yet. They hadn't even filed yet because Nicole's lawyers were giving him a hard time, insisting that he couldn't be asking for nothing. So if they're back together, he's officially married, right? _I'm in love with a married man_ , she thought. _But maybe they're not back together. Maybe Nicole was just there because they were trying to work out something about the divorce. Or maybe they're trying to be friends. Or maybe she needs a kidney_.

It didn't help to speculate. She needed to talk to Luke.

When she looked out the window and saw that the sun had gone down. Hours had gone by. Nicole must be gone by now. She headed for the diner.

"Hi, Luke," she said in the most casual voice that she could muster as she walked in the door.

"Hey," he said, clearing a table distractedly.

"I'm pretty hungry." She really wasn't, but her brain was too scrambled to think of a better way to make her point. "This is my second trip here today."

"Well, yeah… you didn't eat," he said. "Why didn't you eat?"

"Oh, you knew I was here?"

"Why didn't you stay?" He looked genuinely puzzled.

"I wasn't that hungry," she lied softly. "So, what's new?"

She followed him around the diner, close at his heels, nagging him to give her information.

"Uh, I got some new coffee pots."

"Anything else?"

"New filters."

"Anything else?"

"No."

"Anything else?"

"Other than no, no."

"Nicole, Luke! Nicole was here. She's the one who told you I was here and didn't stay. She is new...Nothing new?" she scoffed.

"Well, you saw her, so it's not new." He avoided eye contact again.

"Oh, it's so new. What's goin' on there?"

He moved a little faster, seemingly to put some distance between them, but she kept up. "Well, we realized that we may have given up a little too easily, so we're giving it another try."

Lorelai thought for a moment that her heart had stopped beating. So there it was. They were back together.

She shouldn't have been thrown by this revelation because it wasn't a revelation. She'd had hours to allow it to percolate. Still, hearing it from his mouth made it… real. And the realness was paralyzing for a moment. But at least she was too stunned to break down. Instead, she prattled on as if her world hadn't just come crashing down.

"You're not getting divorced?" she asked.

"We're… putting it on hold."

"You can do that?"

"I don't know, it's all new to me," he replied.

She suddenly realized that Nicole was the reason he had cancelled movie night. The past week was starting to make more sense. "W-when did you decide all of this, Luke?"

He stopped running around and stood in front of the coffee pots. He looked across the counter at her, really meeting her eyes for the first time in days. "Sunday."

"S-sunday?" Lorelai was stunned yet again. "You've been back together for almost a week?"

"Yes."

"So you're just going to forget the last two months ever happened?" she asked, the volume and pitch of her voice both moving a tiny bit higher.

"We made a commitment and it didn't seem right to give up on it without at least trying. Then there's the added bonus of not having to deal with the hassle of getting a stupid divorce."

"Ah ha, the hassle. Now we're getting down to it. If the divorce weren't such a hassle, would you still have gotten back together with her?"

Luke sighed. "I don't want to talk about this anymore," he said.

But she wasn't ready to let it go. "Is that why we're still friends? Because it'd be too big of a hassle for you to tell me that you don't want to be friends anymore?"

"What do you want to eat?" he said, trying to move on.

"Eating's a hassle, I'll just starve," she said sarcastically.

"Fine." He started cleaning the counter around her, almost violently.

"And I'll just starve right here because it's too big of a hassle to get up and leave."

"I'll work around you," he countered.

"And if it's too much of a hassle to get rid of my body after I've died of starvation, just leave it here to decompose all nice and quiet, no hassle."

"Good."

"S-so is she moving in with you?" Luke scoffed and started moving again, grabbing orders from the window and delivering them to tables. Lorelai just leaned on the counter, turning her body as he moved around the diner. She was afraid that if she let go of the counter, she wouldn't be able to stand. "What? It's a valid question. The State of Connecticut thinks you're sharing a toothbrush holder and deciding together if there's enough in the dishwasher to run it."

"My place is too small," he said, mumbling.

"So you're moving in with her?"

"Well, probably," he replied. "Isn't that what married people do?" She could tell that he was pretty upset now and she was glad that none of the town gossips were in the diner to see what had quickly become an argument.

"Doesn't she live in New York? Are you closing the diner?"

"She moved to Litchfield."

"Litchfield? That's in another county."

"So?" This back-and-forth was taking on a rapid-fire feel.

"So, you're moving to another county?"

"Probably."

"Were you going to tell me?"

"Sure."

"Really? Because you didn't tell me you and Nicole got back together."

"You don't tell me when you're seeing someone."

She practically yelled, "But you're _married_! I would tell you if I got _married_!"

"I did tell you I got married!"

"But you also told me you were getting divorced!"

"What is your problem? Nothing's changed."

"Yeah, nothing's changed except that you're married and moving to another county!"

"What do you care?" he yelled back, "Nothing has changed. I still see you every day. I still cook your food. I still serve your coffee. What do you care?"

And there it was. She was just another customer to him. He seemed to think that she only cared about his coffee. The close friendship they had cultivated was only in her imagination.

She didn't know what to say.

She didn't know what to say, so she grabbed her purse, turned around, and walked out. She didn't stomp or storm out. She didn't slam the door. She just walked out as if she was on her way to somewhere else. The late September air nipped at her bare shoulders, but she kept walking.

Lorelai found herself at her doorstep not knowing how she had gotten there. Of course she knew that she had walked there, but she had no memory of it. Her empty driveway told her that she had left her jeep somewhere on Main Street.

Her mind was a jumbled mess of stress and disappointment. The inn, the money, the job, Rory, Luke… She trudged into her house and over to her sofa without turning on the lights. She plopped down and allowed the darkness to wash over her. She closed her eyes and tried to process the last few hours, the last couple of days, actually, as everything began to fall apart. Her mind finally started to clear as she sorted through the problems and stresses that had built up.

Her inn was going to cost more than she thought. But that was fixable. If they did without the horses for a while, not only would they save the cost of the animals, but they could hold off on fixing the stables, diverting that money into other things such as making sure that Sookie got the kitchen she wanted. It wasn't the end of the dream. It was a totally manageable problem.

The loss of income from the launch party wasn't so bad in the grand scheme of things. With the cuts made at the inn - no horses, no stables - she would probably be okay. Her mom would recover, too, and there wasn't anything that Lorelai could do to help her anyway.

But Luke… He didn't have 'a thing' for her. He didn't even feel close enough to her to tell her about his relationship.

And he was married for real now.

 _Well… that's that_ , she thought. _End of the line._ She sighed.

And just like that, Lorelai Gilmore did something she couldn't remember ever doing in her life, not once.

She gave up.


	4. Accepting

**Accepting**

A knock on the door made her jump. She wiped her eyes as best she could and got up to answer it. She knew the form before she opened the door and almost turned back. No, she had to answer. He wasn't likely to just go away. She checked her face in the mirror, making sure her eyes were dry, then opened the door. "Hey," she said.

"Hey," Luke replied.

"What are you doing here?"

"I don't know," he said, looking at his feet. "I guess I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I'm fine. Why?"

"Well, you seemed pretty mad."

"I'm not mad. Why would I be mad?" She sounded defensive, even to herself.

"I don't know. If anyone should be mad, it's me."

"What? Why should you be mad?"

"Because it's none of your business who I see. You're just a customer, Lorelai. I'm just a guy who pours your coffee. I don't owe you anything. You don't have a right to judge me and my relationship with my _wife_."

Lorelai felt a sharp pain as he emphasized the word 'wife', but she just stared at him. Once again she found herself without words, so she just stood there. He slowly leaned forward and for a moment she thought he was going to kiss her, but instead his mouth went to her ear and he whispered, "You shouldn't have waited, Lorelai. You should have let me kiss you that night we chose the paint colors. Now it's too late."

He turned around and walked away and she just stood there in front of the gazebo, watching him walk across the grass toward the diner. She looked around at the faces of the town - Miss Patty, Andrew, Gypsy, Babette. They were all shaking their heads in pity. She heard some of them mumble things like "that's too bad" and "well, she probably would have screwed it up anyway". And then they were gone.

Lorelai woke up in a dark living room at 11:00 at night, her purse still on her arm and her shoes still on her feet. It took her nearly a full minute to figure out where she was and how she had gotten there. Once she did, she wished that she hadn't because that's when the tears started.

She felt hungover, despite not having had a drop of alcohol in days. She was familiar with this feeling. It was heartbreak. She felt like she had broken up with someone. But that was ridiculous. It wasn't like she'd been dating Luke. They had never even kissed except in her dreams. But still she was heartbroken. Her brain tried to wrap itself around the situation and figure out what to do.

 _What does one do for a breakup?_ she thought. _What do I do?_ Then it came to her.

She needed to wallow. She needed to sit and cry and watch _The Way We Were_ and eat junk food. Despite giving advice to Rory about wallowing, it was a luxury she rarely had after break ups. For one, she was too busy raising Rory to allow herself to even cry much. But she was damn sure going to allow herself this time. For once she was glad that she lived alone.

She tried to pull it together. She needed to stop crying, at least long enough to figure out what to do. She didn't have much in the house and she hadn't eaten all day. She needed to make a trip to the market. But Doose's wouldn't be open this late and she didn't dare go there, anyway. She couldn't let anyone in town see her like this. The nearest 24-hour grocery store was a 20 minute drive away, so she wiped her eyes and headed for the door.

The walk to her Jeep in the slightly chilly air helped her to get herself under control. She was thankful that she had parked closer to Doose's than the diner so that she didn't have to fight herself too much to keep from looking inside. It was dark, as was Luke's apartment, but that was normal at this time of night. Still, she couldn't help the brief pang of hurt that stabbed at her when she considered whether he had gone to Litchfield to be with Nicole.

When Lorelai reached the Jeep she jumped in and drove to the market, blasting music to keep her mind occupied. She wouldn't allow herself to cry again until she got home.

The florescent lighting in the market didn't help with her mood, but she was okay with that. She was there to stock up on food and other necessities, particularly junk food. Wallowing meant she probably wouldn't leave the house, so she made sure she had toilet paper, lots of Kleenex, soap, cleaning supplies (for when she felt more angry than sad), staples like coffee, Pop Tarts, tater tots, and pizza rolls, and lots and lots of ice cream, cookies, candy, and chips. She really wanted to rent a stack of movies, but there was no place to do that at nearly midnight, so she'd have to rely on her own collection.

Focused on the task of gathering, Lorelai managed to keep her emotions at bay while she moved through the nearly empty store, filling her cart. By the time she checked out, loaded the jeep, and drove home, it was nearly one o'clock in the morning. She put the three gallons of ice cream she had bought in the freezer and let the rest sit in bags on the table. She managed to set her purse down this time and even to take off her shoes, but when she plopped down on the sofa, she was in much the same state as she had been two hours earlier. Heartbroken and numb.

~ OOOOO ~

By the time Rory called her Saturday afternoon, Lorelai was a mess. She had managed to get herself into bed the night before and awoke with a pounding headache around nine o'clock. Staying in bed was tempting, but her bladder insisted she get up and momentum carried her downstairs to food and coffee. She tried to watch movies, but found that she wasn't actually paying attention to them. Still, she kept them going in a steady stream just to have some background noise. She wasn't hungry, but she ate anyway, ice cream out of the tub and mallomars. She had finished off a half gallon by lunch time.

She stared. She cried. She curled into a ball and stared and cried some more. She didn't understand why it hurt so much. There was no relationship to mourn, no boyfriend lost, no breakup. She realized that she'd had that conversation with herself already, but it kept playing in her head. There was no breakup, yet it felt like the worst breakup she had ever had.

When her thoughts started to sort themselves out a bit more, she was a little more rational, a little more able to analyze what happened. Maybe she wasn't crying just for Luke. Maybe it was a buildup of stress and the Luke situation was mostly a scapegoat. The setbacks of the inn's foundation problems and the loss of her parents' business certainly contributed, didn't they? In the end she decided that she had just been too emotionally invested in the fantasy she had about Luke. It hurt worse than a breakup because she had never been so invested in even a real relationship before, not even with Max. Relationships confused and scared her; she rarely knew what she wanted from them and she was always terrified of getting in too deep, of depending on someone. With Luke, she was already in deep, she already depended on him. She had an investment in their friendship, whether he thought of her as a friend or not. With Luke, she had taken the time to think about what she wanted and she wasn't afraid of it. She was only afraid of losing it.

Having an explanation for her feelings didn't seem to diminish those feelings at all. She still had a profound sense of loss and she drowned that loss in Rocky Road and Pringles. When Rory called around three, Lorelai was grateful for the distraction, but her voice gave her away.

"Are you okay, Mom? You sound stuffed up."

"I'm fine," she replied. "Just a little cold." She lied.

"I'm sorry. I could come home if you need me. I'm just studying. I could study there."

"No, no, no." That was the last thing she needed. Rory would only need one look around the living room to know that she wasn't sick and wonder why she was wallowing. She felt sorry enough for herself; she didn't want Rory's pity, too. But the thought of it made her immediately and extremely grateful that she hadn't told Rory or Sookie about her crush. That's all it was, right? A crush. Maybe that's all it had been. "I don't want you to get sick, too. I'll be fine. I stocked up coffee and Kleenex. I'm good."

"How about I call Luke and have him send over some of his fabulous chicken soup?"

"No!" she blurted out, then caught herself. "No, I can call him myself if I decide I want some. I'm not an invalid, Rory."

"Well, okay, but you call me if you need _anything_ , okay?"

"Thanks, hon. I will. But I'm probably just going to sleep a lot the next couple of days." Lorelai patted herself on the back in her head for coming up with that so quickly. Maybe if Rory thought she was sleeping a lot, she wouldn't feel compelled to call, leaving Lorelai to choose the best times to call her - when she was sure that she wouldn't sound like a frog.

"Sleep is good."

"How about you?" Lorelai deflected, "You doing okay? Getting the work done that you had wanted to?"

"Um, yeah," Rory said, but she sounded like she was holding back. "It's just… college is hard, Mom. I mean, I knew it would be hard, but I guess I didn't realize how hard it would be."

"Well, you know what Gran always says about that. Few things worth doing are easy."

"How is Gran, by the way? I really thought we'd see more of her once she moved back to the States."

"Yeah, me too," Lorelai answered. "I guess my mother is glad that she's been spending so much time in Florida." There was a lull in the conversation. That was pretty rare for her and Rory. She sensed that Rory was still holding back a little, maybe not wanting to admit that she was struggling. She knew she was holding back herself, not wanting to burden Rory with her problems. Maybe she was a little embarrassed, too. This thing with Luke… maybe it really was just a silly crush.

"So…" Rory said.

"So…" Lorelai replied. "Please don't tell me we're going to talk about the weather or the price of gas now."

"I'm sorry. I guess I'm just preoccupied."

"It's okay," Lorelai replied. "I'm just as bad. I'm just... tired."

"I think that's my cue to let you go. Get some rest Mom."

"Thanks, hon. Remember to have some fun, not just study."

They said their goodbyes and hung up, Lorelai adding emotional distance from her daughter to her list of woes. She knew that it was mostly her fault. It didn't matter that she did it to avoid burdening her. It was still keeping Rory at arm's length.

~ OOOOO ~

" _Look at your divorce rate, Deborah. Men and women are fighting for their lives, ya know?... I mean it is a dirty joke, Deborah, the whole godforsaken business..."_

" _I'm moving in with Danny."_

" _I give you two months."_

Lorelai had actually been paying attention to this one. She had seen it several times, but not enough to have it completely memorized yet. _What a bitch_ , she thought as Joan's selfish tirade continued through the next scene. Joan was an interestingly complex character. Although her snarkiness is established in her first scene, it is also clear that the kindergarten teacher could be kind and compassionate. Yet instead of supporting her best friend, jealousy and disappointment in her own inability to find love drives her to turn on Deborah. Bitter and unable to accept that Deb might have found what she wants for herself, she utterly fails as a friend.

 _Oh my god, I'm Joan_ , she thought.

After two days of crying, staring at the walls, and half-watching movies, pausing only long enough to call Sookie to tell her about the launch party cancellation, Lorelai's head had finally cleared enough for some self-reflection. At about ten o'clock Sunday night, she was ripe for this new revelation and it hit her hard. She was being selfish. If she really loved Luke, she would want him to be happy. She _did_ want him to be happy. But she had only been thinking of herself and what she wanted. She needed to think about him. He had made a choice and she needed to respect that choice, support him in that choice, be a friend.

He may think of her as a customer, but to her he was a friend. A close friend. A friend she valued.

It took her several hours to fully process the concept, but in that time her eyes began to dry. As the sun was coming up, she finally drifted off. She slept soundly for the first time in days.

~ OOOOO ~

A knock on the door at two in the afternoon woke Lorelai up. She looked around at the mess on her coffee table and contemplated cleaning it up, but the knocking became impatient. She waved off the mess and went to answer the door.

"Luke." He was standing on her porch, bag in hand, looking… she couldn't decide if he looked angry or sad. Maybe a little scared? "What are you doing here?" she asked quietly.

"Well, you haven't been in the diner for the last few days," he began. "That's not like you." She stared at him, not really knowing how to respond. At least a dozen different emotions swirled around in her gut and her head. "I brought you some soup." He handed her the bag.

"Rory called you."

"No, Sookie was in the diner today. She told me you were sick."

"Oh. Um, thanks," she said, taking the bag. She opened the door a little more, gesturing for him to come in, but she didn't make a move toward the kitchen or the living room. Luke stepped into the foyer.

"Are you okay? You do look a little... tired."

Lorelai pushed a hand through her hair self-consciously and looked downward at nothing in particular. "I just woke up from a nap." She could tell her voice was shaking and she sounded stuffed up. She hoped he attributed it to a cold and couldn't tell she had been crying off and on for three days.

Luke put his hands in his pockets. "Look, Lorelai… I'm sorry, okay?"

"For what?" she asked.

"Friday. That… argument, or whatever it was. I just..."

"No, Luke, you were right. I'm just a customer, right?" She fought back tears as she continued, but her voice was stronger now. "It's none of my business where you live or what you do or who you do it with. Or is it 'whom'? I always get confused about that."

"Lorelai, c'mon. You know you're not just a customer."

"What am I then?" she turned and headed to the kitchen with Luke following.

"You're my friend, Lorelai. You know that."

"Do I?"

"You have to know that. You're probably my best friend."

She stared at him a moment, taking in what he had said and trying to believe it. She couldn't seem to shake the feeling of rejection, despite his declaration, but she remembered Joan. She didn't want to be Joan. "I want you to be happy, Luke. Are you happy?"

He looked down at his shoes. "Yeah, I guess so. I mean what is 'happy'?"

"Do you have what you want from life?"

"I have what I have," he said, sighing, "and I'm grateful for it. It's more than what a lot of other people have."

Lorelai took a deep breath before asking, "Do you want some tea? I was just going to make myself some coffee."

"Um, no thanks. I need to get back to the diner before the high school lets out."

"Okay," she replied, nodding and really making eye contact for the first time since she opened the front door. "Well… thank you for the soup. I'm sure it will help chase away the last of the sniffles." She tried to give him a small smile.

"You're welcome. Feel better." He turned back toward the foyer and she followed.

"Okay," she almost whispered.

"And don't eat around the vegetables," he said as he walked. Then he stopped and sighed. "Just… I hope to see you in the diner when you're feeling better." At that he turned and walked away. She stood in the doorway and watched him until he got to his truck, then made herself close the door.

The soup was the only real food she had eaten in three days and it tasted like heaven. She wasn't _happy_ , but the feelings of dread and loss that Lorelai had experienced on Friday were fading. Well, the dread was fading. She figured the loss would take a lot more time. Her head was much clearer and once she had finished eating, her body no longer felt like sludge, but she thought a long hot bath might bring her fully into the land of the living.

Before she could do that, however, Lorelai needed to clean her neglected home. She decided not to just clean up the mess she'd made the last couple of days, but to give it the full treatment. It needed to be done. Other than the laundry and a few other things she had done last week, the last time she had given her house a good cleaning was in the spring. But mostly she needed to think and she did her best thinking when she was cleaning. She felt a gigantic void where her plan to woo Luke had been. She needed to think about how to fill it, how to refocus her energies during the next few months before work resumed on the inn. Also she hoped it would tire her out enough to let her sleep tonight after having slept most of the day. So she got to work scrubbing, mopping, and dusting.

~ OOOOO ~

Lorelai pulled herself out of the tub at around eleven o'clock, clean body, clean house, clear mind. She continued her nightly ritual, but before she got into bed she made a trip out to her front lawn. In the dim light from the porch and the waning moon, the chuppah looked golden. She could barely make out the details of the birds, much less the more intricate grapes and leaves, but she could feel them. She stroked the smooth wood of Gilbert the goat and imagined Luke carving it all. Hours and hours it must have taken him. He did this as a gift for her wedding to another man. He had wanted her to be happy and he put in a great deal of effort to show her. That's love. Maybe it was only a friendship kind of love, but it was selfless. His selflessness inspired her. What could _she_ do to show him how much she cared about him, about his happiness?

An idea formed. She smiled.

~ OOOOO ~

Lorelai greeted Tuesday morning with a mission. She was determined to leave self-pity behind and to be a good, supportive friend. She would dive into work and visit the diner regularly, but not spend hours there as she had been doing. They would just go back to how they were last spring. Eventually she would meet someone else and forget that she had ever thought of Luke as more than a good friend. Yep. That's what she'd do.

The demolition work at the inn was about half done, so the first thing she did was check on the progress. It was a disturbing site. She almost preferred the broken porch rails and sagging shutters to the ugliness of the half-demolished building. Temporary stairs sat in the dirt where there was once a porch. Inside were exposed pipes and piles of rubble. But once the shock wore off, she began to see the potential. It was a blank slate, a fresh start. And it was hers.

After going over a few things with Tom, Lorelai left through the kitchen and took a walk on the grounds. When she and Sookie acquired the inn they also acquired the land on which it sat - about 50 acres that stretched out behind and beside the complex of buildings. Someday she hoped to expand the business by adding cottages (it currently had only one cottage she planned to use as a honeymoon suite) and perhaps other outbuildings, but for now she needed to decide on any landscaping changes. There was a large, mostly flat area close to the building that would work very nicely for small weddings and other parties, but it would need to be cleared out and sodded. Beyond that she still needed to explore and now was as good a time as any.

She followed an overgrown path to a wooded area, looking for the creek she knew passed through. As she walked she made a mental note to get a recommendation from Tom for a landscaper. It was yet another cost she hadn't adequately budgeted for, but they could do it in pieces and she believed it would be well worth it in the end.

It was a good hour and nearly a mile into the woods before she hit the creek, but Lorelai found it exhilarating. Her mind was buzzing with ideas. Until now, she really hadn't put much thought into what the inn would offer other than good food, proximity to events in Stars Hollow, and the horses she couldn't have yet. Taking advantage of the rest of property, she could offer a unique retreat. She really needed to explore the full property with a landscaper's help. She took a deep breath, smiled a genuine smile for the first time in days, and headed back to the inn.

~ OOOOO ~

When she walked into the Luke's that afternoon, she was dirty, red-faced, and glowing with excitement. She took her usual seat at the counter and gave Luke a rather self-satisfied smile as he came from the kitchen. When he saw her, his eyes briefly went wide as if he was surprised to see her and his own smile spread across his face.

"I see you're feeling better," he said warmly as he grabbed a mug and placed it in front of her.

"Yeah, your soup is like a wonder drug," she fibbed, suddenly feeling a little bit nervous.

"And you're in a good mood?" He poured her coffee, then put an order in to Caesar for her usual Tuesday lunch.

"I just came from the inn, which would have been horribly depressing if I hadn't hiked through the property a bit."

"Yeah? I didn't realize there was enough property to hike through."

"Oh, yeah, there's quite a bit of property, actually. It will take a lot of work, but I think we could get a series of nature trails and maybe some remote picnic areas out of it."

"I'd like to see that sometime," he said, but he seemed to catch himself and looked down at the counter. Then he cleared his throat and grabbed the coffee pot to make rounds, refilling customers' coffee whether they needed it or not.

"Well, hopefully someday you will," she said, her smile waning. "I'm not sure we can afford to pay for it for a while, though. We're stretched pretty thin as it is with unexpected costs and we've pretty much maxed out what any bank will give us between the construction loan and a small business loan."

Luke had returned from his rounds and stood in front of her again. "What about personal loans?" he asked. "I know how you feel about them, but you know that I'd be happy to help."

"Absolutely not. We will not be taking loans from friends. No way." She shook her head as she spoke without stuttering. She didn't just abhor the thought of borrowing from a friend, she couldn't stomach being indebted to Nicole.

Luke shook his head. "Okay, then what about taking me on as an investor? I don't want to be involved in the business, but I could be a silent partner."

"You'd do that? I mean inns are not exactly known as good investments. They go under all the time. They're like restaurants that way."

"Of course I would. It would be an investment in you and Sookie. Where's the risk in that?"

Lorelai just blinked at him. She wasn't really surprised. He was always so unflaggingly supportive. It never felt like pandering. It never felt anything but sincere. But this was still a huge gesture.

"Wow… Well, I'll keep that in mind, Daddy Warbucks." She knew she wouldn't take him up on it, at least not as long as he was married to Nicole, but his confidence in her was uplifting. Luke just smiled a small smile and gave her arm a squeeze as he went to pick up her meal.

Her nerves calmed as they chatted while she tried not to think about the fact that he was married. He was the same Luke she knew six months ago - her good friend. She bantered with him, complaining about the size of the slice of boysenberry pie he cut for her. When Kirk tried to get him to make a burger using pancakes for buns, she watched in amusement as Luke repeatedly ignored or dismissed him until Kirk finally gave up. When Babette ogled him, Lorelai chuckled. It was closest to normal things had been in a while.

When she paid her bill and got up to leave, Luke looked disappointed. "You didn't bring any work to do?" he asked.

"No," she answered, adding a small smile. "I have some errands to run this afternoon."

She was trying to avoid spending hours at the diner, but she really did have errands. A mission, really. She hopped in her jeep and headed to Hartford.

That night when Lorelai returned home, she dove into her project. It turned out that cutting up the flannel shirts that she had found in six different thrift and consignment stores was therapeutic. She got so lost in her task that it was 3:00 am before she looked at a clock and realized that she would be a wreck in the morning if she didn't go to sleep immediately. With a sigh she covered up the work in progress and trudge upstairs to bed.

~ OOOOO ~

Lorelai tried to get back into a routine similar to the one she had before she left for Europe - eating a meal at the diner at least once per day, but no afternoon strolls or taking up a table to work. She managed this pretty easily, flitting around from the inn to Sookie's to the diner to home. In the evenings she put on some music, then cut and sewed and pressed, and cut and sewed and pressed again.

She had a huge variety of plaid flannel, having deconstructed piles of second-hand shirts, so she cut it all into two-inch strips. Those were sewn together, then cut to form blocks for a rail fence quilt. She was planning a queen size and had picked up a large piece of solid flannel at a fabric store for the back. It would take her much longer to hand quilt than the baby blanket she had made for Sookie (her first foray into hand quilting), but it was a labor of love and she poured herself into it, staying up late most nights as she got lost in the task of piecing.

Lorelai tried to fill her days with meetings and phone calls, working at home or at Sookie's house, sometimes bringing Sookie with her to the diner for lunch. She almost never entered the diner more than once a day, even for coffee. She hoped that someday she would feel strong enough to do that, to be Luke's friend without the pain of wanting more than she could have, but for now she had to control herself. One Luke's fix per day, even if Luke wasn't there.

Friday Night Dinners felt strained, but she went anyway to spend extra time with Rory. The first dinner after the Atlantic City trip included Jason Stiles, who had managed somehow to get himself invited. He dropped hints throughout the meal, trying to entice Lorelai to go out with him without Richard or Emily catching on. Lorelai played along. It was fun, even though it reminded her that she wouldn't be going out with Luke. He persisted, sending her flowers and cookies and even a stuffed bear, something every day the following week.

The next Wednesday Lorelai brought the usual care package to Rory. Once again Luke wasn't there to give her his contribution, but he did leave it with Caesar. On Thursday she stopped in for lunch and the banter felt somewhat normal. She had been steering clear of topics too personal, things they would have talked about on a walk. She focused instead on small talk and light banter. Luke seemed to be on the same page as he didn't bring up anything more personal than Rory or the inn. But he had been running hot and cold since their 'spat' _or maybe_ , she thought, _since Nicole's return_ , sometimes seeming normal and other times somewhat standoffish. Lorelai found it a little exhausting. Yet she couldn't stay away. She needed to see him, needed that contact no matter how impersonal it was.

Friday morning she woke up early (for her, anyway) after a late night and couldn't get back to sleep. So she pulled herself together and dragged herself down to the diner for her favorite java and pancake fix. She walked in and plopped down onto her favorite stool, thanking the coffee gods that it was free since it seemed to be the only free seat in the place.

"Oh, Luuuucas!" she sang in a tone much more chipper than she actually felt. "I'm desperate for coffee this morning. When are you going to install those IV drips I asked for?"

"Keep your pants on," she heard Luke say as he took plates to a table. He came back for more and delivered those before rushing to get out a mug for her.

"You know I'd stop nagging you if you'd just let me get my own coffee," she said.

"I can't have you behind the counter," he said, failing to make eye contact. "My insurance won't cover you."

"You don't seem to have a problem with it when I help you serve."

He never looked up from his order pad, but she saw his eyes dart briefly to the side. "That's because if you're serving I can say that you're working here, whether I pay you or not." Once again his eyes darted to the side and he tensed. Then he looked at his order pad and quickly rattled off his usual, "What'll you have?"

"What's good this morning?" Lorelai tried again to engage him in more conversation.

"Here," he said, handing her a menu. "Let me know when you're ready to order."

"Don't you have anything special this morning? You usually have _something_ special."

Luke sighed, clearly perturbed. "I've got blueberry pancakes," he said, pointing to the specials board and still not making direct eye contact.

"Mmm, that sounds good," she replied, undeterred by his aloofness. But then he was off, putting in her order, doing a round of coffee, delivering checks, and cashing people tried to strike up a conversation when he delivered her breakfast, but he was monosyllabic man again, moving on after providing her with one-word answers to her questions. When the rush was nearly over and the diner was slowly clearing out, Luke still spent no time with her. She managed to entertain herself by chatting with Patty, who was sitting at the table next to the register, but Luke's distance bothered her. He wasn't grumpy so much as he was cold. And he seemed, once again, to be looking for tasks in order to avoid her. She had almost finished eating before she discovered why. As the people at the counter to the right of her disappeared one by one, she became aware of a presence… Nicole.

Strange that Luke didn't seem to be spending much time with Nicole, either. Maybe if he had, Lorelai would have noticed her sitting there, but he kept busy doing other things. Or maybe she hadn't been there very long. "Oh, hey, Nicole. I didn't see you there."

"Uh-huh," Nicole replied, appearing disinterested. Lorelai noticed an empty plate off to the side, seemingly long forgotten as Nicole read through a stack of papers. Nope, she didn't just come in. She must have been there the whole time. Lorelai suddenly became really uncomfortable.

She gave Nicole a strained smile, exchanged pleasantries while trying unsuccessfully to read the woman Luke had chosen, then reached into her purse for cash. When Luke saw that she was getting ready to leave he automatically picked up a to-go cup and started pouring.

"Oh, uh, thanks," Lorelai said, taking the cup. Despite her efforts not to touch him, their hands brushed and she had to shake off a pang of longing from the warmth of his. She glanced over at Nicole, waved, then said, "See ya, Luke" and ducked out the door.

Shaking it off as best she could, Lorelai tried to dive into work once again, but Tom's crew had finished the demolition, leaving her no place to go except home or Sookie's. She could only spend so much time at Sookie's without raising questions and these days whenever Sookie wasn't working on catering or inn stuff, she was busy preparing for the baby. Lorelai often felt like an outsider in her best friend's home these days. So she went to her own home and tried to work until it was time to meet her daughter at the elder Gilmore's for another torturous Friday Night Dinner.

~ OOOOO ~

The following week wasn't much better. The weekend had provided a bit of relief since Rory came home to do laundry and help plan her birthday party (set for the following weekend), but she couldn't shake the unease she felt around Luke. She lived for those few interactions when things seemed almost normal, like the next Wednesday morning. It was Rory's birthday, so Luke had packed a special box with pies and the usual coffee cake so that his favorite daughter-type had enough to share. Lorelai teased him, trying to get him to tell her what was in the gift bag he had included, but of course he wouldn't budge. Still, the interaction kept her mood elevated for hours, but the next day brought her right back down again. Lorelai had entered the diner with every intention of ordering a big breakfast and talking Luke's ear off, but when she saw Nicole at the counter she ordered just coffee to go and exited as quickly as she could.

By the time Friday rolled around, her mood was downright foul. Then she got Tom's new estimate for the renovations, confirming what she already knew. With the unexpected expenses, not only could they not afford horses and stables, but they may have to wait to renovate the cabin that she had planned as a honeymoon suite. That and the additional landscaping would suck up profits long after they opened, or they would have to get another loan or take on investors. For now, they would have enough to rebuild and decorate the inn, but that was it. And not having the amenities she wanted meant that she would have to charge less and that meant lower profits to put back into the inn and so on.

Dinner at her parents' house seemed the perfect cap to an awful day. An awful week. Couple of weeks, really.

~ OOOOO ~

"Hi, I'm Lorel-" Lorelai greeted the newest maid, but was interrupted by a frantic Emily.

"Get in here," her mother said as she pulled Lorelai inside. She turned to the maid, "Jersey, close that door and get those nuts into the living room." Then Emily started tugging on Lorelai's coat. "Your grandmother is here and I've been alone with her for over two hours now."

"Real arm in the coat, Mom!" Lorelai exclaimed, trying to get the coat off before Emily took her arms with it.

"Your father is late! You're late!"

"I'm not late, just in pain."

"Get in the living room." Emily practically shoved Lorelai toward the living room.

"Gran!" Lorelai exclaimed, "You're back from Florida? You look great!"

"I thought I would make an appearance at my great granddaughter's birthday celebration and I want to meet this new business partner of Richard's."

"Jason is coming?" Lorelai asked her mother, thinking the stress from having to ward off Digger's advances was the last thing she needed tonight.

"Your father is on his way home with him right now. They should be here any moment."

Gran continued, "How are you? You look well. Are you well?" She turned to Emily, "Emily, perhaps the girl would like a drink."

"I'm very well," Lorelai replied. Just then Rory arrived and attention turned to her.

"Rory! How are you?" Gran asked. "You look healthy."

"Oh, I am," Rory squeaked out. "How are you, Gran?"

"I'm just fine, thank you, but let's talk more about you. How are you doing at _Yale_?" She dragged out the 'Yale' part so that it almost sounded ominous.

Rory looked like a deer in headlights and Lorelai knew that Rory was struggling in school, so she jumped in. "She's doing great. Studying her butt off."

"Oh, how charming to hear," the first Lorelai replied with sarcasm. She turned back to Rory. "I'm glad you're doing well. You are a Gilmore after all. Gilmores have always excelled at Yale. They have quite a legacy to live up to."

"Well, your legacy is safe with her," she replied, but nobody appeared to be listening.

When Richard came in, the conversation twirled around the room like an awkward game of hot potato, with exchanges about Florida and nuts and yet more discussion of how great everyone looks. Lorelai remained quiet, her mind even more chaotic than the conversation. That is, until a full five minutes in when Richard said, "Lorelai, have you been there the whole time?"

"Yes, I have."

"Oh, I didn't notice."

"Well, I had my cloaking device activated, so…" The joke fell flat and Richard moved on to introduce is partner to his mother. Jason didn't seem to know what hit him when Gran drilled him about the gift he had brought for her on her great granddaughter's birthday, but he recovered just fine. Of course he had brought something for Rory as well, a beautiful Mont Blanc pen. Lorelai suspected that her father had helped Digger out with both gifts. Rory had become a bit of a pen snob lately, but there was no way that Jason could have known that.

As it turned out, the additions of Gran and Jason at dinner took pressure off of her to drive the conversation and nobody seemed to notice that she wasn't her usual talkative self. She took the opportunity to try to sort through the jumble of worries in her head. Eventually she gave up on that and tried to simply forget about them for awhile.

Normally Lorelai didn't mind Gran's needling of Emily, but tonight it grated on her nerves. When Emily was cornered, she usually found a way to lash out at her daughter and Lorelai was feeling fragile and alone tonight. But there was nothing she could do except sit quietly and give her mother sympathetic looks while Emily practically begged to be allowed to run her own household.

Dinner was civil enough. Gran kept throwing out digs at Emily, but most of the attention was on Rory. Jason behaved himself, clearly terrified of Gran.

When the cake was consumed and brandies were distributed, Gran asked Lorelai about the inn. "Have you seen this inn yet, Richard?"

"No, not yet."

Lorelai spoke up, "No, it's a mess right now. They have just finished the demolition and won't start building it back up until January. You'll all see it when it's done."

"So tell me, Lorelai, how much money have you invested in this inn?"

"Oh, a chunk."

"And I assume that you have a projected timetable for getting your chunk back out?"

"We are hoping to break even the first year and turn a profit the second year." She didn't tell her that this was the bare-bones business plan and that it was more likely that they would reinvest profits for two to three years in order to make the kinds of improvements Lorelai wanted. She wasn't going to stop at the bare minimum. She wanted those stables, the horses, and to make use of the land. She wanted an inn with the potential to appear in travel magazines and lists of "New England's Best". She didn't want her inn to be ordinary and as things stood she would struggle for years to make it what she wanted. But she wasn't about to tell her grandmother or her parents that her dream inn was still years away.

"That's optimistic, yes?" Gran said, raising her eyebrows.

Inwardly, Lorelai sighed. She didn't need reminding that even this was a best-case scenario. "Yes, but our town has a pretty regular tourist trade."

Jason jumped to her defense, noting that small inns can do very well in Connecticut and calling them "money factories". That was not true and Gran most likely knew it. Inns have a pretty low profit margin and Lorelai's income would mostly be from paying herself a salary for running it. But even more, she didn't want Digger defending her. She didn't need him to defend her. Anxiety made room for irritation.

"We have very high hopes and a lot of dedicated workers. We'll do just fine."

"How is the money holding up?" Gran asked.

"Excuse me?"

"The money. I was somewhat aware of your financial situation before you took this on. How much do you have left?"

"Plenty. Enough to do the work." Lorelai held her expression, trying not to give away her concerns that another big setback could derail them completely. Her grandmother stared at her, studied her.

"You're in trouble."

"No."

"You are hemorrhaging money. I see it in your eyes."

"No," Lorelai insisted. "There have been some unexpected costs, but nothing we can't handle."

"And you're not working now."

"I am working now. Sookie and I do catering and party planning." She held back the fact that their last gig would be over in three weeks.

"Unless your partner is a Rockefeller, you're in serious financial trouble."

"I'm not, Gran, I swear. We have enough to do the renovations and staff up. We will be fine." But Gran wasn't buying it. She turned on someone else, but that didn't make it much better. She chided Emily when she tried to suggest that it wasn't an appropriate time to talk about it, then she blamed Richard for Lorelai's failings.

"We have a reputation to uphold. How would it look if a Gilmore goes out into the business world and fails?" the elder Lorelai continued.

"I hardly think she's failing, Mom," Emily responded. Was it so bad that she actually needed her mother, her worst critic, to defend her?

"Well she looks like she's failing to me." That hit Lorelai hard. Gran had always applauded Lorelai's work ethic. Was Gran no longer in her corner? Was anyone still in her corner? Didn't anyone believe in her? Should they? She couldn't seem to do anything right these days, so maybe she should just face her failure.

When Richard became defensive, Emily became smug. The discussion quickly escalated to a shouting match, mostly between her father and his mother. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. The evening was supposed to be about Rory. Her daughter needed a break from the pressures of school, not more pressures to live up to the family name and not to witness or take part in a dysfunctional family squabble.

Eventually, everyone backed away into their metaphorical corners and said goodnight. Gran went to bed, mumbling something about having a car take her home in the morning. Richard, clearly upset, also retired. Jason left without asking Lorelai out yet again, but she was confident that the flowers and gifts and phone calls would resume the next day. Rory went back to her dorm, saying she had promised to go out with her roommates and friends that night, having studied on the night of her birthday, but that she'd be in Stars Hollow in the morning to help set up for the party.

Lorelai felt drained and defeated as she got into her car to head home for the night. Exhausted, jumpy, anxious, depressed… her brain couldn't decide how to feel. Disappointed. Heartbroken. Scared. Insecure. Mostly she felt insecure. She needed someone to tell her that she could do this, that she could make her inn dreams come true without going bankrupt. She needed Luke.

She didn't want to admit that she needed _anyone_ , but it certainly wouldn't be the first time that she had turned to Luke. He was her rock. He was the one person who would make her believe that it would all work out, not by blowing sunshine up her ass, but by telling her that he had faith in her and making her believe it.

Instead of heading home, Lorelai headed to the diner. When she parked she could see a few late patrons eating pie and chatting. She walked in, went straight to the stool by the cash register, stared at the counter top, and waited for his familiar form to appear.

She heard a voice from the kitchen. "Hey, Lorelai. Here for coffee?" But it wasn't Luke's voice. It was Caesar's.

"Sure," she replied, looking up. "Um, is Luke around?"

"No, he's off tonight," He said as he poured.

"Oh." Lorelai's heart sank. She didn't think it was possible for her heart to sink any lower, but there it was. Luke was never off on Friday night. At least he wasn't until he started dating Nicole.

Caesar stuttered a bit. "But I'll let him know you stopped by."

"Oh, okay," she replied quietly. "Um, I guess I'll take that coffee to go."

Caesar poured the coffee into a to-go cup and handed it to her. She fished a couple of dollars out of her purse, thanked Caesar, and walked out. She could feel Caesar's stare as she did so. If she looked anything like she felt, he must have noticed, but she found it hard to care. The days of Luke being there for her, being her shoulder to cry on, were over. He was married now, and to someone who didn't like her.

Lorelai walked into her house a few minutes later and stared at the finished quilt top. She would get Rory to help her baste it to the batting and backing tomorrow so that she could put it away to be quilted later. She had a party to plan. But that was tomorrow. She'd put on her happy face tomorrow. Tonight she was too tired.


	5. Retreating

**Author's Note:** _You'll notice that the story kind of switches gears in the middle of this chapter. You might remember that I warned you at the beginning that the POV changes (although it remains third person throughout). Well, it changes more than once in this chapter alone. When I started writing the story, I had wanted to keep the POV Lorelai's, but I realized that I really couldn't tell large parts of this story without including Luke's POV and there are time periods when I really wanted to drop Lorelai's POV altogether. And there's even a small portion that I wanted told from neither POV. So, in this chapter the POV changes from Lorelai's to a sort of narrator's, back to Lorelai's, then to Luke's and finally back to Lorelai's. I know it's a little whacky, but I think it works okay. If not, c'est la vie._

 _I also bounce around a little bit in time. I apologize now if it gets confusing. All I can say is that if you read carefully, it should be clear when everything takes place._

 **Retreating**

Lorelai was startled awake by yet another dream about Luke. These days her dreams alternated between happy stories in which Luke was by her side, helping her with inn work or fixing something at her house, and angst-filled dramas in which Nicole was always there, glued to Luke's side and giving Lorelai the stink eye. In some dreams he was just a friend. In others there was more. The most unnerving dreams left her needing a cold shower. In this particular dream, she and Luke were making out in the diner when she suddenly remembered that he was taken. She pulled back, but when she did she saw Nicole in the corner. She opened her mouth to apologize and nothing came out. That's when she woke up sweating and grumpy.

She didn't want to dream about him. She didn't want to think about him. She didn't want to want to see him. She didn't want to want him. _But you can't always get what you want_ , she thought, a bitter chuckle escaping her.

A somber Rory showed up at 10:00. Lorelai did the best acting job she had done in a long time. She was cheery and energetic, the opposite of what she was feeling, but eventually she did manage to lift Rory's spirits and even her own. She had gotten up early, moved the furniture, swept and mopped the floor, then laid out the backing, batting, and quilt top. By the time Rory got there, it was pinned and ready to baste. Rory stood agape looking at it.

"Mom, this is beautiful, and so… Luke." Lorelai have her a genuine smile, one of her first in days.

"Do you think he'll like it?"

"I think he'll love it. It must have taken you forever. How long have you been working on it?"

"Um, two and half weeks."

"Two and half weeks?! It took you two months to piece that one for Sookie's wedding and that was just a disappearing 9-patch. This is _plaid._ " Plaid meant that she had to be extra careful, making sure the edges lined up to the patterns on each piece.

"Well, I may have spent four or five hours a day on it."

"Four or five hours? Every day?"

"Well, no. Some days more, some days less, some days not at all," she replied.

"And you're going to hand quilt this whole thing instead of tying it? The way you do it, that'll take weeks!"

"And I bet it still won't match the hours he put into the chuppah he made for me." She needed to end this conversation before it went somewhere she didn't want it to go. "Help me baste it. Then we can put it upstairs until after the party."

It took more than two hours even with both of them working on it, but they basted the quilt, then got out all of the party supplies. Normally Lorelai wouldn't allow Rory to do any work, but Sookie was in no shape to help hang streamers and banners. Still, the chef brought over lunch and kept them company while she prepped the party food. By the time the party officially began, Rory seemed to be lifted from her doldrums and Lorelai found herself looking around for Luke. She couldn't help it. Some part of her still wanted to cry on his shoulder and that part found a little spark of hope where she thought there was none.

But he didn't show. She spent most of the evening distracted, smiling at everyone and being the perfect hostess while inside she felt empty. At 10:00, when she gave up and accepted that he wasn't coming, she took a large cup of the Founder's Day punch that Patty had brought and downed it. Then she picked up her cell phone and called Digger.

~ OOOOO ~

Davey Belleville was born in the late morning hours of November 9th, the day after the town hosted the Festival of Living Art. After Luke built a table to replace one that was missing, the festival went off without a hitch despite the whole town holding their breath during the finale. Taylor had cast Lorelai as the girl in Renoir's _Dance at Bougival_ against his better judgment, but Miss Patty was insistent and he needed Lorelai's help with the costumes. He initially resisted because even though Lorelai was the spitting image of the girl in the painting, she had flinched seven years prior when Stars Hollow had hosted the festival. But Miss Patty begged him to give her the role anyway.

The whole town knew that Lorelai was depressed. To some she probably appeared to be her usual outgoing self, but her friends saw through the act. They assumed she missed having Rory at home all the time. She continued to smile in public, make small talk, and participate in town functions, but the veneer had cracks in it. Everyone noticed that her visits to the diner had trickled to a couple of times per week, namely whenever Rory was home or Sookie craved Luke's cheeseburgers. The only exception was Wednesday mornings, when she stopped in like clockwork to pick up whatever Luke had left for Rory before he headed to Litchfield the night before.

Shortly after Rory's birthday party, Babette gave her bulbs and told her to plant them right away, before the ground got too cold. The well-meaning neighbor assumed that Lorelai needed something to nurture. Andrew and others tried to get Lorelai out of the house more, inviting her to movies at the BWR or a drink at KC's. Sometimes she went and had a good time, but it never lifted the veil of sadness for very long. Rory also knew that something was wrong, but she was still too bogged down with school to do much about it. She had hoped that this new relationship with Jason Stiles would bring her mother out of the funk she was in and for a while it seemed to, but every now and then Rory could tell that Lorelai's smiles were forced. Nobody, not even Sookie, could get Lorelai to admit that there was something wrong. Most figured that she was just going through the normal adjustments of living alone for the first time in her life.

But Patricia Acosta knew different. She knew heartache when she saw it. She had watched Lorelai and Luke's friendship blossom to new heights in the early weeks of fall and she had watched Lorelai slowly wither after Nicole's return. From her studio, she had an excellent vantage point from which to view the comings and goings at the diner. She knew when Luke had started spending some nights with Nicole and when Nicole had stayed at Luke's. She knew when Lorelai had cut her visits down to a single meal or coffee each day and when she stopped going altogether. Well, at least she had stopped going by herself. Patty knew why, too. She had seen Lorelai duck out quickly when Nicole was there. She had even seen her head for the diner, then walk right by after seeing Nicole sitting inside. Lorelai was heartbroken; Patty was heartbroken for her and thought that advocating for her to be the Renoir girl was the least she could do. Still, even Patty worried when she took the stage.

But Lorelai hadn't flinched, even when her pager went off to tell her of Davey's impending birth. She just rushed out the moment the curtain closed and held her friend's hand through the last 12 hours of labor. And for a while she forgot about everything.

She hadn't exactly been a hermit for the last month. She and Sookie had finished their last catering job and held regular inn meetings with Michel. She threw a rather successful baby shower for Sookie, too. Rory, whose difficulties adjusting to life at Yale seemed endless, came home nearly every weekend to do laundry and drag her mother to Luke's. Thankfully Luke's birthday fell on a weekend so that Lorelai didn't have to deliver his birthday present, a cool, Nighthawks-esk photo of the diner that she had framed, by herself.

And then there was the relationship she had begun with Jason. At first she was skeptical. At first she didn't like the way he ogled her, but she learned to enjoy it. It made her feel desirable. The first date started out rocky, but ended up being fun. He was a quirky guy with some strange habits and a very, very strange dog. When he wouldn't sleep in the same room with her, alarm bells went off in her head, but she ignored them. The sex was good and he was funny and generous. He never let her pick up a check no matter how much she protested. He said that she could pay for any date she wanted to when the inn was finished and turning a profit, but until then, he was happy to do it. They were having fun, but she suspected that the relationship meant more to him than it did to her. She wanted it to work. She wanted to think that it would last, that the relationship could be "it", but she was confused. She kept it secret from her parents. That wasn't new; she rarely shared her love life with her parents. But she kept it secret from Stars Hollow, too. She didn't even talk to Sookie about him. Only Rory knew, and that wasn't like her. But she didn't consider why she was doing it. This was one area of her life that she didn't want to examine any more, didn't want to think about.

When she wasn't out with Jason, meeting with Sookie and Michel, revising the business plan for the inn, or helping with some town function, Lorelai spent her time on the couch watching TV or movies and quilting. She was very close to finishing when Taylor sprang the festival on them and she had to set it aside to work on costumes. Then came Davey and helping Sookie out took up a lot of her time.

Then the week before Thanksgiving Taylor threw her yet another curve ball. All she wanted to do was to amend the Dragonfly's permit to reflect a different location for the sign along the road. Instead of a simple approval she got another rejection letter which would force her to appeal during another town meeting.

So that's where she was Thursday night. Since Michel had to work and Sookie had Davey, Lorelai went alone. She arrived early and didn't bring food. She did nothing to earn Taylor's wrath. She checked with Miss Patty to make sure that she was on the agenda so that Taylor wouldn't try to skip her again. She chose an aisle seat near the middle and waited while townsfolk trickled in.

A few minutes before the meeting was about to start, Lorelai saw Luke come in through the side door, Nicole in tow. He smiled when he saw her and made a beeline for the empty seats beside her. Nicole didn't exactly look happy, but they exchanged polite hellos before Lorelai asked Luke what he was doing there.

"What do you mean? I live here. I own a business here."

"I mean you always complain that you hate town meetings and you skip at least half of them."

"Well, Nicole wanted to see what they were like," he said, taking Nicole's hand and looking toward the front. Nicole gave him an irritated look, but she made no move to take her hand away. She opened her mouth to say something, but quickly closed it as the meeting began.

Lorelai found herself unable to pay attention to Taylor. Not because the subject was boring, although it undoubtedly was, but because she couldn't keep her mind off of the presence of Luke. His warmth, his scent, the rumble of his voice as he chuckled at Kirk's contributions to the meeting. The seats were close together, so their thighs and upper arms were touching. Normally such sensations wouldn't even rate her attention as they were always packed together like sardines at town meetings, but she had deprived herself of Luke's company for weeks, visiting the diner only when she couldn't get out of it. She missed him. She missed everything about him.

As the meeting went on she felt tension build inside of her. She tried to force herself to listen to Andrew and Bootsy argue about a magazine delivery mix-up. She tried to make sense of the visual aids Taylor had brought to discuss proper disposal of raked leaves. But paying attention to the meeting was a lost cause until she heard her name.

"Lorelai?" Luke was elbowing her.

"Oh!" Her head snapped up and she was 'on'. "I need to know why you rejected this simple amendment to our permit, Taylor. Do you need another ice cream truck or something?"

"Now Lorelai," Taylor began, "There's no need to get snippy. The location for your sign was approved months ago. You are asking to move it two feet closer to the road, which violates Section 653.1.42 of…"

"If we put the sign in the original location, people driving southbound won't be able to see it because it will be blocked by an 80 year old tree. Do you want us to remove the tree?"

"You can move the sign, Lorelai, but not to the location you stated on the amendment. It would be 24 inches from the road and the current law requires all signs to be at least 26 inches from the road."

"Can't you make an exception, Taylor?" she pleaded. "There is no other place to put it that's visible and practical."

"Lorelai, you know as well as I do -"

Luke jumped up and yelled, "Damn it, Taylor! Just give her the damn sign. She's trying to build somethin' here. Something that'll be good for the town. Stop blocking everything anyone does that's good."

Lorelai didn't see Nicole's death stare; she was looking at Luke. The outburst seemed unwarranted even to Lorelai, or at least premature. He sat back down with a heavy sigh and didn't say anything more, but he had gotten the rest of the town going. Gypsy yelled at Taylor. Andrew yelled at Taylor. Even Miss Patty yelled at Taylor. Never able to deal with an angry mob, Taylor caved and moved on to another subject.

Lorelai stared straight ahead, but said a quiet "Thank you". He replied with "You're welcome", also without moving. Luke looked a little shell shocked, as if someone had yelled at him instead of him losing his temper. When the meeting was over, Lorelai, Luke, and Nicole said polite goodnights and went their separate ways.

~ OOOOO ~

Luke _was_ shell shocked. And tired. He was tired of fighting with himself, but most of all he was tired of fighting with Nicole. All they ever did was fight.

When Nicole came to the diner that Sunday afternoon in September, Luke wasn't happy to see her. She brought divorce papers, but she also brought a proposal. She wanted to give the marriage another try. She said that they never really gave it a good effort and he had to admit that she was right. So he agreed to put the papers in a drawer and try to honor the commitment.

He should have been happy that she wanted to try again, but he wasn't. He didn't like the idea of being a divorcee, but he was getting used to it. He had accepted that it was the consequence he had to suffer for his poor judgement. And he had hope for the future. Once again it seemed like there might be something more than friendship between him and Lorelai.

Miss Patty and Sookie had been right. Luke did have "a thing" for Lorelai. He'd had what he would call a crush on her for at least four years, maybe longer. There were times when he really wanted to ask her out and times when he almost did, but something always got in the way, some indication that she really wasn't interested in more than friendship. Usually it was another man, but there had been other tensions. She didn't seem to understand his duty to Jess, for example. But what really stopped him were the times when she had made it clear that they were just friends. When she told him to take that vacation with Nicole, he really thought it was the end of any hope of becoming more.

Maybe he was sort of on the rebound on that cruise. Maybe that's why he so stupidly proposed to Nicole. He really didn't know; it was all so fuzzy now. He did know that it was a mistake, but it was done and he couldn't just walk away if there was a chance to make it work. Luke had never been the one to leave; he had never broken up with anyone before, not even Sissy Stratham in the 9th grade. _I'll never hear the end of it if Lorelai ever finds out there really was a Sissy_ , he thought. Maybe it was the way his parents' marriage had endured through bad times, but he couldn't bring himself to say the words "It's over". Of course he usually didn't try too hard to keep it together, either. When things went wrong he had a way of going quiet, a kind of passive resistance that eventually drove the women in his life to leave him.

But he couldn't do that this time. He had married her. Forget the legal obligation, the vows meant something to him. It meant that Nicole was _family_ and if she was willing to try, he had to be.

But he didn't know what to do about Lorelai. He knew that Nicole would never tolerate the kind of friendship that he and Lorelai had built in the few weeks since Rory left for college. And she would be right not to. His relationship with Lorelai was innocent, but his feelings for her were not. The trip to Mystic was the gesture of a concerned friend, but he thought it might be the beginning of something more. Lorelai's behavior toward him had changed in subtle ways and he found himself responding to it, body and soul. They talked more and the conversations ran much deeper than before. Teasing took a back seat to companionship. They touched more, too. They were close friends, but he really thought that they could be headed past friendship.

Then Nicole came back. And Nicole had eyes and ears. If his marriage was going to work, he needed to make sure that she didn't have a reason to be jealous.

So he was careful. He tried to reign things in a bit with Lorelai and he tried to be sensitive to Nicole's feelings about her. When Nicole was in the diner, he treated Lorelai like every other customer. When she didn't _act_ like every other customer, he avoided her. And he watched her slowly back away. He heard the rumblings, that Lorelai was depressed, missing Rory. He knew that Rory wasn't all of it. He tried to tell himself that she was under a lot of pressure with the Dragonfly and all, but he knew that wasn't all of it, either. He knew she didn't like Nicole and some part of him knew that wasn't all of it, either.

When Luke started to spend more time in Litchfield, Lorelai spent less time at the diner. Caesar always told him when she had come by, and that when he wasn't there she always left without eating. And then her visits slowed to a trickle. When she did show up, there was no banter, no teasing, nothing but polite chit chat and forced smiles.

He knew that he was letting her down. He didn't know how to fix it. He had made his marriage a priority and the sacrifice was his relationship with Lorelai. He thought that sacrifice might be too great, but he couldn't bring himself to reverse direction. Every time he thought about giving up on the marriage, he pictured his parents and thought about how disappointed they might be. After all, it wasn't as if he and Lorelai were a couple. He didn't even know if she wanted that, if she would ever want that. He just knew that he was getting older and he had made a commitment to Nicole. He had married her. You don't just walk away from a marriage.

But he missed Lorelai. He missed her like crazy.

The worst part of all of this was that pushing Lorelai to the fringes of his life had done nothing to help his relationship with Nicole. He went through the motions, but he was miserable. He did everything he could to reassure her, but she continued to use Lorelai as an excuse for their inability to be closer. Luke felt guilty because there was some truth to it; Nicole wasn't just being paranoid. But at the same time, she wasn't exactly making it easier. She was demanding and needy, which didn't mix well with someone who had not had to answer to another person in years.

The arguments expanded to other issues. He worked too much. She dragged him to too many social events. He was too quiet. And the arguments were loud and all too public at times. As the tension built between him and Nicole, he did nothing to shorten the distance between him and Lorelai.

Then in November the direction of the tug-of-war that Nicole and Lorelai were doing with his heart started to shift direction. He stopped spending Tuesday nights in Litchfield so that he could open the diner Wednesday mornings. He made an excuse to Nicole about Caesar needing that morning off because it was the only time he knew for sure that Lorelai would come by. She only ever picked up Rory's care package and coffee, but he appreciated the few moments he had and drew them out as much as he could. The week before Thanksgiving, as he slowly wrapped up the care package and made small talk with her, she complained about having to confront Taylor at another town meeting because he was at it again, blocking her efforts to get the Dragonfly off the ground. He decided then and there to go to the meeting. She might need the support. At least that's what he told himself. It wasn't just an excuse to see her.

When he told Nicole that he was going to a town meeting, she scoffed. She reminded him that he hated them and that pretty soon he wouldn't even live in Stars Hollow anymore. He muttered something about blah blah affecting his business. So she said, "I'll go with you then. I've always wondered what goes on at those things."

That was a mistake.

He couldn't help feeling a little excited when he saw empty seats next to Lorelai and he went straight for them, almost to prove to Nicole that they were just friends. Or maybe in defiance of Nicole, he really didn't know. He couldn't help getting angry at Taylor, either. The man was always getting in other people's way.

He had held Nicole's hand to reassure her that he was hers, but that didn't stop her from starting an argument the moment they returned to the diner. After going back and forth for half an hour about how he was "emotionally unavailable" to her, they decided to sleep apart and talk again the next night.

But the next night didn't go any better. She showed up just before closing and they talked out the previous night's squabble pretty quickly, Nicole apologizing for her persistent jealousy and Luke reassuring her that he wasn't hung up on Lorelai (although he wasn't sure if that was a lie). Then almost immediately a new fight began.

Nicole had wanted him to close the diner early on Saturday to attend a dinner party in New York. Luke hated the city. Sure, he'd met her there a lot when they were dating - dinner, a Broadway show maybe. But this was a stuffy dinner party and Caesar couldn't cover for him. Saturday was a busy night, especially during the fall tourist season.

It got pretty heated and Nicole stormed out of the diner. As she did she yelled, "I bet you'd go if _Lorelai_ asked you to!"

Luke followed her out the door, replying, "For the 20 thousandth time, Nicole, she is JUST A CUSTOMER!"

Nicole stopped on the bottom step and turned to face him. "Right," she replied rolling her eyes. "Well, I'm done arguing about this. Go, don't go, I don't care. I just… I just thought it might be nice to finally introduce _my husband_ to the people I work with."

"You forget, I've met half of them already. We had a nice chat during which they accused me of gold digging."

Realizing that she had indeed forgotten about Luke's ugly experience with some of her coworkers, Nicole calmed down almost instantly. "Look, Luke," she said with a sigh. "I'm tired, you're tired. I'm going home. We can talk about this tomorrow, okay?"

He walked down to the sidewalk where she now stood and put his arms around her. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "We'll talk more tomorrow." Then he watched her walk around the corner and out of sight. He listened as she started her car and drove away, then he sighed and slowly turned in the other direction to gaze at the empty square. That was when he saw Lorelai out of the corner of his eye. She stood on the sidewalk beside the diner, perfectly still with a stunned and hurt look on her face.

"Lorelai."

She didn't reply. Instead, she turned and walked quickly in the other direction, her head down.

"Lorelai!" Luke yelled, running after her. He overtook her on the sidewalk and moved to stand in front of her. She didn't resist. She just stood there. "Lorelai, I'm… I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, Luke. It's fine. I'm fine." But she didn't sound fine. She sounded like she had been crying for a while.

"No, it's not fine. You know I didn't mean that. I just…" He sighed, realizing he was between a rock and a hard place.

"I know, Luke. I know you didn't mean it. I mean, you have to do whatever you have to do to keep your marriage together. I get it." She looked up, into his eyes. Hers were red, but dry. "I do, Luke. I get it. It's okay… I need to go home now."

"Lorelai…"

He didn't know what he would say next, but he didn't get a chance. Lorelai put her hand on his upper arm and said, "Really, Luke. I'm fine. Just… go home." and with that, she walked around him and was gone.

 _What is she even doing, walking around town at night?_ he thought. _Everything is closed._

~ OOOOO ~

Two days later Luke discovered why Lorelai had been out so late and the guilt nearly crushed him. It was about 11:00 and the after church brunch crowd was slowly becoming the early lunch crowd when Rory made the bells ring. She looked tired and sad, but that was how Rory often looked these days. Luke was reminded of her struggles those first few months at Chilton.

"Hey, Rory! How you doin'?" he asked, trying to cheer her up.

"Hi, Luke," she replied, sitting on a stool at the counter.

"Coffee?"

"Two, please. And can I get a couple of cheeseburgers and some fries? To go?"

"To go? You're mom's not coming in?" he asked.

"No, she's in Hartford."

"In Hartford? Is she okay?"

Rory shifted in her seat. "Uh, yeah, she's okay I think… Tired… Could be better…" It was clear to Luke that she was preoccupied and dancing around something. He put the coffee pot down, then looked her in the eye.

"Is it your grandfather? Is he okay?"

Rory laughed sadly, "No, not really."

"He's not -"

"Oh, no! It's not like that," Rory seemed to snap out of it for a moment. "My great grandmother died."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Luke said, squeezing her arm. Then it dawned on him. "Was this Friday?"

"How'd you know?"

"Lucky guess," he replied. "Which great grandmother?"

"Grandpa's mother. The first Lorelai."

"The first Lorelai?" he asked, confused.

"Yeah, Mom was named after her and I was named after Mom, so I guess that makes me the third Lorelai," she explained.

"Were you close? I don't remember you mentioning her."

"Well, I didn't know her very well, but she was an interesting woman. I've been doing some research in order to write an obituary. And she… well, she had this strange hold on my mom."

"How is your mom taking it?"

"Um, okay I think. But Grandpa is a wreck and Grandma has gone off the deep end. She found a letter that Gran had written to Grandpa telling him not to marry her, so she just checked out. Mom is left to do all of the work herself. She's arranging the funeral for Tuesday, going through Gran's papers, everything. I think she's just worn out." He knew it was more than just being tired. It was clear that she had come to talk to him Friday night, and he wasn't there for her. "And her boyfriend isn't helping." Rory sighed.

Luke froze. _Boyfriend?_ The Stars Hollow rumor mill was sleeping on the job. He had heard lots about how depressed Lorelai was, but nothing about her dating anyone. He turned around and busied himself pouring her coffee while he regained control. Finally, he turned to face her. "Is there anything that I can do to help?" he asked, knowing that there wasn't much she or Lorelai could ask that he wouldn't do, but also knowing there wasn't much that they would ask of him.

"I don't think so. Well, other than the burgers. Mom hasn't been eating much lately and I'm hoping to entice her with her favorite food."

"Comin' up. I'll add some onion rings and pie, too. This is on me."

"Thanks, Luke."

He made the burgers himself exactly the way he knew the girls liked them, packed up the care package, and sent Rory on her way.

~ OOOOO ~

Luke entered the Gilmore home Tuesday afternoon to find it full of mourners, but looking more like a macabre cocktail party than a funeral. Men clearly talking business, women gossiping. So different from Stars Hollow, where gender roles weren't so well-defined. He had always worried that Lorelai had settled for less when she moved to Stars Hollow, that she would someday want to return to the world of privilege she had run away from all those years ago. But now he realized that she didn't belong here. There was no place here for a strong free spirit like her. Even the decor was stuffy and oppressive. He couldn't deny the craftsmanship, but he found the display of wealth wasteful. He looked around for Lorelai or Rory, feeling very out of place.

But he didn't look out of place. It was pure luck that Rory even spotted him, he blended in so well. She was looking for the tray with the salmon puffs when she overheard one of Emily's DAR friends say, "Who is that hunk of a man?" When she followed the woman's line of vision, she saw a clean-shaven Luke in a dark suit navigating slowly through the throng of people. She didn't remember ever seeing Luke in a suit. He really did look amazing.

Rory crossed to him and put a hand on his arm. "You got here okay, I see."

"Oh, Rory, hi," he said nervously. "Yeah, your directions were perfect."

"Well, I think your timing is perfect. I haven't been able to get Mom to take even two minutes for herself and her fake smile is starting to look cemented on. Another hour of this and she'll have to chisel it off."

"Where is she?"

"I think Sookie took her to the kitchen to try to get her to eat." As Rory led him toward the kitchen, he asked about her grandparents. "Oh my god, they were nuts today, but I think they're doing better. At least Grandma is sober and Grandpa is talking to people. I think they'll be okay."

They caught Lorelai coming out of the kitchen looking determined. Determined to do what neither could tell. When she saw Luke, her eyes went wide.

"Luke?" she practically whispered, "What are you doing here?"

He gave her a sad smile. "Whatever you need me to do." That Lorelai didn't respond with "Dirty!" was testimony to her state of mind.

"H-how did you…?"

"Rory," he replied. "I just wanted to help. To be here for you. You were there for me when Louie died, remember?"

"Um, yeah," she said, looking past him at nothing at all. She looked like she was about to faint. "I remember. Seems like a hundred years ago."

Sookie appeared behind her just then and gave Luke and Rory a worried look. She shook her head, gesturing toward Lorelai with her eyes.

Luke turned to Rory and asked, "Is there someplace… away from all the people?"

"Uh… yeah, there's Grandpa's study."

Luke put an arm around Lorelai's shoulder and steered her, following Rory. Once in the study, he got her to sit on the sofa and took a seat next to her. "Are you okay?" he asked, trying to get a good look at her face.

Hoping that Luke could succeed where she and Sookie had failed, Rory excused herself and closed the door on her way out.

"Thank you for coming." She looked up at him and the mask shattered. She put her face in her hands and let the dam burst. Luke put an arm around her and lightly rubbed her shoulder while she cried.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, when the sobbing slowed.

"I don't know why I'm such a mess," she said. "I mean, yeah, I'm exhausted, but there will be plenty of time to sleep when I'm dead." She gasped. "Ohmygod, was that tacky? To joke about being dead? Will I go to hell for that?"

"I think you could be forgiven."

"I just… I'm the reigning Lorelai."

"The what?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Today I had to look at my name on a tombstone," she explained, without really explaining.

"Well that must have been unnerving."

"It was."

"Tell me about her," he said, trying to get her to string something logical together.

"Um, well, she was amazing."

"That's what Rory said."

"Yeah, she traveled a lot and did all sorts of wild things when she was young," Lorelai said, wiping her eyes with a tissue. "But what I most remember about her was how intimidating she was. I mean we were all so scared of her, especially my mother."

"I can't imagine your mother being afraid of anyone."

"Well, she was. But Gran was always… I don't know, I mean she was critical of me sometimes, but usually in ways that were meant to be compliments. She used to say how important it was for a woman to work hard and she talked as if she was proud of me, of my work ethic. But then… the last time I saw her, about six weeks ago, she -" Lorelai's voice cracked and the rest came out in sobs, "She basically called me a failure. I thought she believed in me! I thought she respected me. I thought… She was the only member of my family that didn't make me feel like a disappointment... Then she said I was failing. And I couldn't even defend myself because I _am_ failing. I don't have enough money to make the inn what it should be. It'll be a stupid bed and breakfast. If things don't go exactly as planned, we may not have enough to even finish the build. This has been my dream forever and it's falling apart. I'm failing."

"If you and Sookie need money -"

"I don't want to talk about that right now. I just -"

"Okay, okay. It's okay," he said as she buried her head in his chest. "It's okay."

"I'm failing."

"You are _not_ failing."

"I'm failing… And she's wearing thong underwear. I buried my grandmother in thong underwear."

Luke just held her as she sobbed. "And my grandparents were second cousins!"

Lorelai curled into a ball next to him, almost on his lap. He just held her while she cried and every once in awhile mumbled something about what she was going through. It felt good to hold her. Luke was never very good with comforting others, or so he thought. It always felt awkward and insincere. But with Lorelai it felt natural, even though he'd never really held her like that before. He felt protective, maybe because she was so rarely vulnerable, so rarely in need of comfort or protection. Or maybe because it made him feel needed. She didn't question Luke's presence again. She never mentioned the boyfriend. He didn't ask her about avoiding the diner. They just sat together like good friends do in a crisis, or maybe even like lovers do.

~ OOOOO ~

"I don't do funerals," Jason had said when she told him about Gran's death the Saturday before the funeral.

"You have to do funerals, Jason. This was your partner's mother," Lorelai pointed out.

"I am really really bad at comforting people. I say completely inappropriate things, bad jokes with words like 'Nantucket' in them."

"But she was my grandmother. Your girlfriend's grandmother."

"Funerals have way too much emotion for me. The death and the hugging…"

"Are you serious?"

"When I was 10 years old my family went through a terrible period. Once a month somebody died. For a year they were dropping like flies. It completely freaked me out."

"Okay, okay, I understand. Don't come. But you had better lie to my father and tell him you were there."

"I am very comfortable with that compromise. Give my condolences to your family."

And that was it. He didn't even apologize really and he didn't show up. He sent a very nice flower arrangement and he called Lorelai every day, but he wasn't there when she needed him. Luke was. She hadn't asked him to come. He wasn't her boyfriend. He didn't even think of her that way. Yet there he was, taking care of her, even though it probably caused problems for him at home. Luke took care of her, but her boyfriend wasn't there.

 _This isn't right. What the hell am I doing?_

She realized that she was just marking time until Luke was available. _That's no way to live_ , she thought. _He's never going to be available for me. Even if he and Nicole break up, he doesn't think of me that way. I need to move on._ She knew that Jason wasn't a way to move on. He was… a rebound maybe?

Tomorrow she would break up with him. Tonight she had a different, more important task.

It was black Friday, a day she usually spent shopping with Rory. This year they had skipped the usual stops on Thanksgiving Day, sending their regrets to Mrs. Kim and Luke, to have a single quiet meal with Lorelai's parents in lieu of Friday Night Dinner. So they had the evening free as well. But instead of shopping, they spent the day watching holiday movies so that Lorelai could finish the gift. After nearly a month of hand quilting, it was finally done. With Rory's help, she rolled up the quilt and put it into a plaid flannel bag that she had made for it.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Rory asked.

Lorelai was tempted. Being alone with Luke was really difficult for her. She had let Luke comfort her that horrible day, but that had to stop, too. She couldn't allow herself to be so close to him, at least not emotionally, while she still had such strong feelings for him. But at the same time she really felt that she needed to make this gesture herself. "No, thanks honey. I think… I want to go alone. I don't know why. Am I being silly?"

"No. You guys have been through a lot together. I understand."

"Thanks, sweets." Lorelai leaned down and kissed Rory on the cheek. "I'll be back soon."

~ OOOOO ~

Lorelai had called the diner an hour ago to let him know that she would be by right at closing, so he kept a pot of coffee on the burner for her. Sure enough, her jeep pulled up just as he flipped the sign. She was carrying something in a large plaid bag. He opened the door for her. He was curious about the bag, but had more important things on his mind.

"Are you okay?" he said after greeting her.

"You're referring to my meltdown at the wake, I assume."

"It wasn't a meltdown."

"Oh, it was a meltdown. They're even making it into a movie, 'Meltdown on a Sofa'. Don't worry, it's only a working title. Baz Luhrmann's directing and the movie Luke wears tights and sings."

He smiled, "But you're okay."

"Thanks to my knight in shining armor," she said, sincerely. "I just hope Alec Baldwin captures your rare essence."

"And slims down a little for the role," Luke replied, nodding.

Lorelai sat on the stool in front of the cup that could only be for her. "Seriously, Luke. Thank you so much for coming to Gran's wake and for listening to me and letting me vent… and for the coffee, of course." She smiled and held her cup up in salute.

"Of course. What are friends for?" They both looked at the counter.

"So. I came to give you something."

Luke's brow furrowed. "Wha- give me something?"

"Yeah," Lorelai said, lifting the bag onto the counter. She looked up at him. "It's your wedding present."

"Wedding - Lorelai, you didn't need to -"

"Just… open it."

He opened the bag and pulled out a large corner of the quilt. "Oh my god, Lorelai, this is… It's beautiful, thank you." He raked a hand over his face and stared at the quilt. "This must have taken you months to make."

"I wanted you and Nicole to have something that says… that shows..." Now she wished that she had planned out what to say. "Something that says 'I support you'."

"I - I don't know what to say. No one has ever made me a quilt before."

"Remember when you gave me the chuppah? You said that if you meet the right person, the person who loves you for who you are and doesn't try to change you… you said that if you meet that person, that marriage can be alright." He just stared at her. Her voice got quieter and he thought he detected a little bit of cracking. "I'm just so glad that you met that person." She stood up and put her purse over her shoulder. "You deserve to be happy, Luke." She smiled, gave him a small wave, and walked out, leaving him speechless.


	6. Regrouping

**Regrouping**

Lorelai stood alone on the back lawn of the Dragonfly Inn, looking over the beautifully landscaped grounds. She slowly turned to take in the finished cottage, the stables where Cletus and Desdemona were eating apples from the hands of the trainer. She stared at the inn itself, now more than twice the size of the original. It was everything she wanted it to be, everything she dreamed it would be.

As she walked slowly toward the inn, people started to file out and fill in the seats carefully placed on the lawn around an aisle. At the end of the aisle stood the chuppah. Her chuppah, covered in sunflowers. Reverend Skinner waited behind it and a handsome man whose features she couldn't quite make out stood in front of it with two of his friends. She kept walking.

As she reached the steps of the back porch, Rory immerged, wearing a stunning white dress and flanked by Lane and Paris.

"You ready?" Lorelai asked her.

"As I'll ever be," she replied. Lorelai couldn't help letting just one tear escape as she smiled at her beautiful daughter. Her happy daughter. She and Rory followed Lane and Paris down the aisle and, after she kissed her daugher she turned to take her seat, seeing Luke two rows behind her, sitting with a lovely woman who looked a little like Rachel and two adorable children, a boy not quite out of diapers and a girl who looked to be about five. She smiled and he smiled back, but she felt a stab of pain. She tried to remember what happened to Nicole, but couldn't.

"Grandma?" came a small voice to her left. She looked down and noticed that she was in her living room, a little girl of about six with blue eyes and dark curls sat at the coffee table, thumbing through a album of Rory's wedding photos.

"Hmm?"

"Did you ever have a wedding?"

"Nope," Lorelai told her.

"Why not?"

"Well, because I never got married," she said.

"Why not?"

"I never found the right… I never met someone I wanted to marry who wanted to marry me."

"Oh. Well, that's okay. If you get lonely, you can come live with Mommy and Daddy and me."

Lorelai gave the little girl a sad smile as her face faded away and the sound of a harsh wind outside her window pulled her slowly out of the dream state.

"Damn dreams" she muttered, looking over at the clock. It was 1:00 am. She had only been asleep for an hour.

~ OOOOO ~

"I'm sorry, Nicole," he said to an empty room as he sorted through the kitchen utensils and other household items that he had manage to bring to the Litchfield home he had tried to share with her during the last month or so. And he was sorry. She didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve what he had put her through since last summer. He was grateful that she was in Boston with her parents for the holiday weekend. He would pack up and move out tonight, then head to Boston in the morning to tell her that it was over. She wasn't "that one person". She didn't love him for who he was and he didn't love her. How could he love someone who pushed him to sacrifice the one friendship he valued the most? It wasn't right, and no amount of forcing it would make it right.

He couldn't help feeling like a failure, though, and he was glad that his parents weren't alive to see him screw up so royally. He shouldn't have married her. He probably shouldn't have even gone on the cruise with her. He should have ended it when he realized that his heart wasn't in it.

It didn't take him long before all he had left to pack was his clothing. He looked around and sighed. The place looked exactly the same. His footprint on it had been negligible. This was all his fault.

His side of closet housed a few long sleeved plaid shirts and most of his dressy clothing, but even that wasn't much. A suit, two sports jackets, slacks, an assortment of shirts and ties, dress shoes. He immediately resented how much wear he had gotten from these clothes, but squashed that emotion. It wasn't her fault that she liked fancy dinners and cocktail parties. It's who she was.

He opened the drawers of his dresser and removed two pair of jeans, a handful of T-shirts, underwear and socks. As he dumped all of that into the last box, a stray pair of socks caught his eye. At first glance, they looked like his socks, but the toe was thicker. It was padded. And yellow. There was a gold stripe where the red one was supposed to be. How the hell did someone else's socks get into his drawer?

~ OOOOO ~

"Mom?" Rory called as she entered the house the next afternoon.

"In here," Lorelai's voice came from the kitchen. Rory entered the kitchen to find Lorelai standing at the stove, stirring a pot and reading a cookbook.

"Um… what are you doing?"

"Making coq au vin. Or mashed potatoes."

"I don't think you're supposed to stir the potatoes until after they've cooked, Mom."

Lorelai whined. "I'm trying to learn how to cook and I can't do anything right." She plopped down in a chair.

"What's that smell?" Rory asked, wrinkling her nose.

"I tried to make scrambled eggs."

"If you want to learn to cook, why don't you have Sookie teach you? Or Luke? And what's this new drive to become a domestic goddess anyway?"

"Sookie has a month-old baby at home."

"You didn't finish answering my question."

"I don't know. I just thought… I just want to be more self-sufficient. I'd like to be able to eat at home more, and not just pizza and chinese food." She put her face in her hands.

Realizing that Lorelai meant that she wouldn't be going out for dinner much in the near future, Rory asked, "How did it go with Jason this morning?"

"Oh, you know. Not pretty. But it's done."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Lorelai sighed. "Nope. I just want to move on."

"Mom?" Rory stepped lightly, "I have something to tell you. Kirk saw Luke in the postal store today. He was signing divorce papers."

"Oh, no!" Lorelai said, gasping. "Oh, poor Luke."

"Yeah."

Lorelai thought for what felt like minutes, but probably was a matter of a few seconds. She didn't feel glee or even relief. She was past thinking that she and Luke would ever be more than friends. But she still loved him, and she didn't like the thought of him being heartbroken, even if she didn't like Nicole and didn't think she was best for him.

She blurted out, "Rory, you need to go to him. He has to be hurting and you know he won't ask for support or help."

"Me?" Rory looked at her mother like she was crazy. "Why do _I_ need to go to him?"

"Because he loves you. You're the closest thing to family he's got now that Jess is gone."

"Mom, he doesn't need me. He needs _you_. You're his _best friend_."

Lorelai shook her head to clear it. "You're right. I don't know what I was thinking." She knew what she was thinking. She was being selfish again, thinking it would hurt too much. She had to be there for him. She turned off the stove, grabbed her coat, and headed toward the square.

But the diner was quiet and dark. As she approached, she saw the neatly-lettered sign in the window.

 _Gone Fishing_

It wasn't the ugly cardboard sign that he had haphazardly scribbled when he left after their argument that day so long ago. This sign looked like it took more than two minutes to make, but the diner was just as empty. As Lorelai stood staring at it, Miss Patty walked up behind her. "I guess you heard," she said. Lorelai just nodded. "It'll all work out in the end, dear. Of that, I'm sure." Patty gave her a sympathetic smile and patted her on the shoulder before walking back to her studio.

Lorelai took out her phone and dialed Luke's cell. It went straight to voicemail. "Luke… It's me… Uh, I'm sure you know that it's all over town… I'm so sorry, Luke." She paused for a moment to think of what to say and the voicemail cut her off. "Damn it." She dialed again. It went to voicemail again. "Um, it's me again… Look, if you want to talk - or just hang out and not talk, or whatever… I just want you to know that I'm here. Just call and I'll be there."

She left a similar message on his home phone. Then she sighed and went home, picking up Al's on the way.

Luke never called and the next time she saw him, about a week later, he looked almost like his old self. A little sad, maybe. He tried to engage her in conversation again. She tried to oblige. But something between them was just… broken. And she was pretty sure it was her. She just couldn't let go, couldn't stop feeling heartbroken.

~ OOOOO ~

Luke had thought that things might return to normal after the holidays, but they didn't. He saw more of Lorelai in December, when Rory was home from school, but she still only came in with Rory or Sookie and of course the Wednesday morning pick-ups ended. She still didn't tease or torture him, even though Nicole wasn't around.

Maybe it was the holidays, which were always a bit chaotic in Stars Hollow, but nobody seemed to notice Nicole's absence or the fact that Luke took less time off, or if they did they never said anything to him. He had driven to Boston as planned and broke it off with Nicole. He had hoped for a more amicable break up, but the socks made him angry. Sure, he did everything wrong, but he didn't cheat on her. The least she could have done was broken up with him first. So instead of a quiet "It's not you, it's me" discussion, his marriage ended in another shouting match. But it ended. That afternoon he took the papers that had been gathering dust in a drawer in his desk and took them to the Mailbox, Etc., where Kirk was happy to notarize his signature and ship them off to his lawyer.

Then he closed up the diner and left town, but not before making a stop at the lake to toss in the cell phone Nicole had insisted he carry with him all the time. The next day was November 30th, and Luke's 'Dark Day' was a shade darker.

Once things were over with Nicole, Luke's mind seemed to be constantly occupied with thoughts of Lorelai. Whenever the girls came in, he waited on them personally and took a moment to chat, no matter how strained the conversation felt. He spent Christmas watching football and wondering about what the girls were doing. On New Year's Eve, Luke even made a rare appearance at Miss Patty's party, hoping that Lorelai would be there. She wasn't. He assumed she was with her boyfriend, had maybe spent the holidays with him or her family or both. He figured the window of opportunity to have more than a friendship with Lorelai was closed, but he missed her friendship. He missed her.

In January Rory returned to school and spent fewer weekends at home, having finally settled into school and started working on the school newspaper. Construction began on the Dragonfly. The Wednesday visits did not resume. He didn't know if that was because Lorelai stopped going or because she didn't want to see him, but he knew that his relationship with her was not going to magically fix itself. He was going to have to come up with _something_.

Lorelai still avoided the diner for the most part, but Luke managed to see her several a times a week anyway. He made sure he was always the one to deliver lunch to Tom and the crew at the Dragonfly. He brought coffee for Lorelai and tried to engage her in conversation when she was there, which was more frequently the case as time when by. She always seemed happy to see him, but resisted his attempts to get her to move beyond small talk. He bit his tongue whenever he was tempted to say, "I never see you at the diner anymore". He didn't want to push her, like she was a shy animal who could be easily spooked. He tried to be patient, but as the days turned to weeks he became more and more desperate. He needed his friend back. More importantly, he didn't like seeing her so… unLorelailike. He couldn't tell how much of her current state was due to Rory leaving home, how much was his fault, and how much was stress about the inn, but he was determined to do what he could to reverse it.

That's why, in late January, he made a trip to Sookie's house.

"I don't know how to do this, Sookie," he said after the greetings were out of the way and there was really no other choice but to get to why he was there. He was nervous and fidgety and hesitant.

"Do what, Luke? Is there something you're trying to tell me?" She gasped and her eyes went wide, "Is Nicole back?"

"No!" he said quickly, then, "Why would I have to tell you that Nicole's back?"

"I don't know. Maybe she's got a life-threatening disease and you're looking for bone marrow donors."

"Nicole's not back and there's no life-threatening disease."

She gasped again, "You've got a child you didn't know about and you want some parenting advice!"

"No, no child. Sookie…" He shifted in his seat. "I want to help you guys out. With the inn."

"Help us out?"

"Yeah. I know there's no way I could get Lorelai to take a personal loan, but she once said that she might consider an investor."

"Luke," Sookie said, leaning forward, "Why do you want to do this?"

"Well, it's a good investment."

"I can think of a lot better investments, Luke. You could get a much bigger return on real estate, for example."

Luke sighed. "I want you to have the inn you want. I know that it's costing more than you thought it would and Lorelai said that you might have to cut corners to get it open. I don't want you to have to do that."

"Maybe before, Luke, but we have plenty now."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Lorelai's grandmother left her a tidy sum. I'm sure it was a pittance to her, but to us it's enough for the horses, the stables, and a lot more. Wait until you see the kitchen we're putting together," she said, excited now. "You're going to be so jealous."

"Oh, well good. That's good." Luke was relieved, but at the same time a little disappointed.

"Um, Luke?" Sookie continued, "Why did you come to me with this instead of Lorelai? And how is it that you don't know about the inheritance? You and Lorelai are close."

"No, we're not," he sighed. "Not lately anyway. It's fine. Thanks, Sookie."

Sookie had heard rumors about Lorelai visiting the diner less, but she thought they were exaggerations. As Luke was leaving, she put a hand on his shoulder and said, "I'm sure it will all work out, Luke." But that was a lie. She wasn't sure. She didn't have a handle on the problem. She was certain that Luke and Lorelai were perfect for each other, but didn't know what it would take for Lorelai to see it and she didn't understand why her friend was distancing herself from Luke and the diner. But she knew from experience that she had to tread lightly when it came to talking about Luke with Lorelai, and tact wasn't exactly something she was known for. Maybe she should just stay out of it.

~ OOOOO ~

Lorelai took a deep breath before picking up the two coffees with shaky hands. She wanted to cry, but she smiled instead. _It'll get easier_ , she thought. _You just need to force yourself to do it_. She pushed her chin out and walked through the door of Weston's to join Rory on the sidewalk.

"So, you ready?" Rory asked, handing Lorelai one of the baskets and taking a coffee.

"As I'll ever be," came the reply. "What kind of sandwiches did you get?"

"Meatball subs, of course," Rory answered. "If he doesn't eat the meatball sub, you'll know right away that he's not right for you."

"Hmmm… I don't know if that's the best test, but I like how you think." Lorelai thought of Luke. He wouldn't eat a meatball sub. Then again, maybe it _was_ a good test. They headed to the high school.

Had Lorelai been less depressed and had she been able to share more of it with Rory, that winter would have been ranked among Lorelai's favorites. Not only was she finally seeing her professional dreams come true, but the snow that fell in late December was still under blankets of snow that had fallen since and showed no signs of melting even by mid February. The town had seen festival after festival, from the war reenactment to the Christmas processional to the winter carnival. The biggest festival of the year, the Founder's Firelight Festival, was right around the corner and Lorelai couldn't stand the idea of going to that one alone. Again. She loved the festival - the white lights, the bonfire… but it seemed that every time it came around everyone else was in love and she was alone. This year would be doubly depressing if she didn't do something about her wounded heart, and it was time to do something.

The week before the Firelight Festival would be a celebration of Valentine's Day (which conveniently fell on a weekend this year) with the usual Bid-A-Basket event. Yes, it was Valentine's Day, but it was also a good opportunity to fish for a date for that night. After explaining this to Rory (keeping the wounded heart business to herself), her daughter thought the idea was so good that she might try it herself. The two teamed up, Lorelai picking up the baskets and getting Sookie to donate some fabulous desserts to the cause and Rory handling the main courses and picnic blankets.

The town was decked out in pink and red, which combined with the snow to a stunning effect. The only problem: how was everyone expected to picnic with two feet of snow on the ground? So it was decided that this year the auction would be held in the high school gym and every available mat would be placed on the gym floor for couples to use in lieu of the town green.

When they arrived in the gym they found that about 3/4th of the floor of the gym was, as promised, covered in mats. A podium was set up in one corner where the floor was bare. Baskets lined the bleachers behind the podium and a crowd of at least 60 gathered in front of it. Taylor really had come through. There were plenty of attractive men of various ages in the crowd, many of whom Lorelai did not know. The women whose baskets were on display had gathered off to the side.

As usual, Rory and Lorelai were running late and had barely made it in time to get their baskets in. But they did make it, and Taylor started the bidding.

Rory's basket was up first, having landed next to Taylor, and the bidding was lively. At least a dozen men, including two teenagers and a guy of about 50 picked each other off one by one until only two were left. The final bid was $60 and Rory's date for the afternoon (and she hoped the evening, because that was the goal after all) was a very handsome young man who looked to be, thankfully, around Rory's age.

The next two baskets, having been donated by women who clearly had beaus, didn't bring in anywhere near Rory's, but it was fun to watch Kirk stare down a guy who competed for Lulu's basket.

Lorelai felt a hand on her shoulder and gasped in surprise.

"Oh, sorry. Didn't mean to scare you," Luke said softly. Caught off-guard, she forgot to avoid his eyes when she looked at him. She stared into his eyes for what was probably only a few seconds, but felt like an hour before she finally tore her own away, looking down at the coffee in her hand as an excuse. And he had stared right back. She thought she saw something in those eyes, something she couldn't identify or describe. Not something new, but maybe something that had been there for years, but guarded. A vulnerability, maybe, one that he had never shown her before.

"What are you doing here?" she muttered, still looking down at the coffee in her hands. "You hate this stuff."

"Just delivering an order someone wanted for their basket," he replied, just as Rory poked her shoulder and said, "You're up, Mom."

Lorelai snapped out of her stupor and turned her attention to the auction. As Taylor started the bidding, Luke asked, chuckling, "What does your house need this year? A new paint job?" Lorelai shushed him.

"$10," a voice from the crowd yelled. Lorelai stood on tiptoe, trying to see who it came from.

"$12," a different voice called.

She heard Luke scoff and shot him a look that told him he could go away now.

"15," a third voice chimed in.

Lorelai could now see two of the bidders. One was a young man she knew well - the Collins kid she had hoped would bid just two years earlier. The other was an attractive man who looked to be around her age. He was slightly taller than Luke, with sandy hair and a square jaw. She had seen him at town meetings in recent months, but she didn't know him. She made a mental note to ask Patty about him, whether he won the auction or not.

"$20," one of the voices called.

"25." The bidding continued.

"28."

"30."

"Which one's the boyfriend?" Luke asked.

" _What_ boyfriend? There's no boyfriend."

"$32."

"34."

The voices started to get louder and stronger, as if they could win the auction through intimidation rather than dollar amounts. Lorelai smiled. _Somebody wants me_. _Three somebodies_. It was a little bittersweet, but it was hope.

When the bidding passed $50, the frenzy slowed. The Collins kid dropped out. The other two battled it out.

"$68," came from the sandy-haired man.

"$70," bid the man she couldn't see. Then there was a pause.

"70 going once…" Taylor began.

"$100," a familiar voice to Lorelai's left called out. The crowd gasped. Lorelai's jaw dropped.

"Luke! What are you doing?" she rasped. He ignored her.

"110," she heard from the man she couldn't see. The sandy-haired man just stood there, defeated. He shook his head a little, then seemed to smile as if he knew something Lorelai didn't.

"150," Luke called.

"Luke," Lorelai rasped out of the corner of her mouth, "I'm trying to get a _date_ here!"

"155."

"200," Luke looked determined and he continued to ignore her. Lorelai's mouth opened and she just stared at him, dumbfounded.

There was finally silence from the crowd, then Taylor's voice.

"Anyone care to make it 225?" he said, clearly addressing the man Lorelai couldn't see. He didn't answer.

"Get on with it, Taylor!" Luke yelled.

"Very well then. $200 going once… going twice… Sold! To the grumpy man in the green jacket."

Lorelai snapped out of her shock. "Luke! What the hell are you doing?!"

He ignored her and fished the cash out of his wallet. He walked up to the table and paid Miss Patty, who was beaming. "Enjoy," she said with a wink as she handed Luke the basket. He walked toward the mats. Lorelai followed him.

"What was that all about?" she asked again.

"Jeez, this is heavy. Is there a blanket in here?" She reached into the basket and pulled out a picnic blanket. "Great, how about over here?" he asked, pointing to a corner of the mat.

"Okay," she replied, spreading the blanket on the mat. She continued to stare at him. They both took off their shoes and sat down on the blanket. "So are you going to tell me why you just set a bid-a-basket record to blow my chances to find a date for tonight?"

"It seemed to be the only way to spend any time with you," he said.

"What?" she said, scoffing a little herself.

"You never come to the diner anymore."

"I do so."

"A couple of times a week, if that."

"I've been really busy with the inn rebuild."

"When you ran a large inn you were still in the diner every day. And what about during the holidays before the construction started? I talked to Sookie, Lorelai. I know you're not spending all of that time at the inn."

"I'm working at home a lot. And I do come to the diner."

"Occasionally. Even then you never sit at the counter and you're never by yourself. You won't even talk to me beyond the usual pleasantries."

"I talk to you! Just the other day we had a whole conversation."

"About Rory! For like 30 seconds! C'mon, Lorelai. It's not the same and you know it." He took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. When he was calm he said, "I'm sorry about what happened with Nicole."

"What do you mean?" she asked, looking away. Although she thought she knew what he meant.

"I know she made you… uncomfortable." He leaned toward her a little. "But I wish you would have just said something to me about it. It was _her_ hang up, her jealousy, her problem. You didn't need to stay away."

"I wanted you to be happy."

"You thought staying away would make me happy?"

"I thought it would make your life easier. She clearly didn't want me around. My presence was causing tension in your marriage and…and you weren't there, Luke. So many times you just weren't there. I don't just go to the diner to eat, you know." Tears started to form and she tried hard to blink them away, but wasn't entirely successful. "And when you were there, Nicole was always there giving me ugly looks and you..."

"I didn't treat you the same," he sighed. "I was distant."

"Yeah. And really, Luke, what did you care if I was there or not? You find me annoying."

"I find…" he sighed. "I find you annoying?"

"I'm a trickster, right? Manipulative, immature, annoying?"

He gave her a puzzled look. "Where did this come from?"

It was her turn to sigh. "The necklace you gave me. The raven? Rory looked it up. The raven likes to trick and annoy people." She looked up at him and saw the tension drain from his face, leaving behind only a look of relief and affection.

"Oh my god, Lorelai," Luke said softly as he gazed at her. His next sentence was delivered slowly and with care. "The raven also put the fish in the ocean and the sun in the sky."

A small smile formed on Lorelai's face as she realized that she had been wrong about his feelings toward her. Still, she couldn't switch gears that fast. She remained guarded, but hopeful.

"I've missed you," he continued. "That's how annoying I think you are. I missed you, and I was cranky and miserable. So you stayed away thinking you were helping my marriage, but that might have actually made things worse."

There was silence for a minute or so as they both thought about what was said.

"I wanted to be there for you," she said quietly. "I came to see you when I heard about the divorce, but you were gone. So I tried calling. I left a message on your cell, but you never called back, so I assumed you didn't want to see me."

"I threw my cell phone in the lake."

"I left one on your apartment phone, too."

"I had like 20 angry messages from Nicole when I got back, so I just erased them all."

"Oh," she replied quietly. She paused, then asked, "Do you want to talk about it now?"

"Not really. There's nothing to talk about. She cheated on me, but I… she deserved more than I could give her."

"I'm sorry she broke your heart."

He laughed. "She didn't break my heart. My heart wasn't in it. I just felt… I felt like I had failed, you know? Again. I had failed again. I failed Liz. I failed Jess. I failed at my marriage."

"You didn't fail Liz or Jess, Luke. You can't save everyone from themselves. And who knows? Maybe Jess will turn out okay." She had calmed down significantly as she tried to process what it all meant, why he bought her basket and what he said about the raven.

Luke just sighed, ready to move on. He opened the basket lid and looked inside. "So what's in here? It's too heavy for Pop Tarts and Slim Jims. Is it leftover pizza?" He reached in and pulled out two wrapped tube-shaped items.

"Meatball subs."

"Meatball subs?... Like freshly made ones?"

"Yes. I told you I was serious." Lorelai shrugged, taking one of the subs from him. "But I know you don't eat red meat. I think there's some pasta salad in there, too."

"I'll try the sub," he replied, unwrapping it. And he did. He ate all of it.

They ate and chatted as if the last three months hadn't happened. Lorelai smiled genuinely more in the 20 minutes it took them to eat than she had in a dozen or so weeks before. Luke actually laughed, even when a small child ran past them on the mat, giggling and nearly spilling Lorelai's coffee. Every now and then she looked over at Rory, who sat several yards away with her date.

"She seems to be having a good time," Luke said, catching Lorelai's glance in Rory's direction.

"Yeah, well, she's at least trying. First dates are so… ugh. I don't envy her."

"Yet you were hoping for one today. I guess I ruined that," he said, then took another bite of the apple pie Sookie had made for Lorelai's basket.

"It's okay," Lorelai said.

"Well, I feel bad that you don't have a date for tonight. It's too late to get reservations anywhere; all of the restaurants will be booked. How about a movie night instead?"

"A movie night?" She was still a little confused about what was happening here, so this took her completely by surprise. Did she want to have a movie night with Luke? Sure, she had missed him terribly, but was she ready for this? These are all things that she should have thought about. But he had caught her off-guard.

"Yeah, I'll bring dinner. You can even pick the movie."

And she didn't know how to turn him down without hurting his feelings. He knew that she was free. At least that's what she would tell Rory later. But the truth is she didn't _want_ to turn him down. "Um, okay," she heard herself reply.

~ OOOOO ~

Rory had hit it off with the guy who bid on her basket and went out with him that very night, despite discovering that his name was George Glass and, even worse, that he didn't get why his name was funny.

Lorelai picked up the phone to cancel her night with Luke at least four times in the few hours between their picnic lunch and zero hour, but stopped mid-dial each time when she realized she had no good excuse to tell Rory. Or Luke for that matter. She was so nervous that she changed her clothes three times before settling on the same outfit she had worn that afternoon. Rory watched in amusement, but didn't tease or even acknowledge that she noticed. Instead, she said good-bye to her mother around 7:00 and headed off to meet her date.

As promised, Luke arrived at 7:30 with burgers, fries, pie, and of course coffee. As nervous as she had been, she found herself almost instantly calmed by his presence. As they ate, they caught up on everything that they didn't talk about that afternoon. During a lull in the conversation, Lorelai got up the nerve to ask a question that had been gnawing at her.

"Luke?" When she had his attention, she continued. "You bid $200 on my stupid basket today. What made you do that?"

"I told you."

"You missed me, okay. But if you really wanted to see me you could have - I don't know, you could have camped out on my doorstep or something. You know that I wouldn't have turned you away."

"I just snapped," he said, putting down his turkey burger. "I heard all of those guys bidding and I realized I was letting an opportunity pass me by. I don't want to do that anymore, just sit back and let whatever happen to me. So I made a choice. I'm sorry. I know I screwed up your plans. If you still want to go out with one of those guys who bid on your basket today, I'll hunt them down myself."

"Okay," she said, nodding and smirking. "I'll let you know." He smiled back.

When they were nearly finished with the meal, they talked about which movie to watch. Lorelai tried to talk him into _Xanadu_ , but one look at the box was enough to make him take back the promise that she could pick. He saw _When Harry Met Sally_ sitting next to the DVD player where it had lain for the last four months, and remembered the date he had cancelled. She hesitated, but finally agreed to put it in. Then she nervously tried not to watch him watch it.

For probably the first time ever, they stuck to movie night rules. Lorelai didn't talk through it. Luke didn't shift in his seat. They didn't pause it. They sat, Luke on one end of the sofa, Lorelai sprawled over the rest of it, but without sticking her feet in Luke's lap or under his thigh the way she had in early fall, and watched. Their only movements involved reaching into bowls for snacks or lifting drinks.

"Huh." Luke stared at the screen as the credits rolled. "That's us." It wasn't a question.

"Is it?" Lorelai knew the answer, but she wanted to be sure they were on the same page.

"Isn't it?" Luke asked, looking at her.

She looked everywhere but at him. "I used to think so," she said quietly. She was suddenly exhausted, tired of fighting with herself.

"What changed your mind?"

Lorelai held back tears, but he could tell they were threatening. "Nicole came back," she said bravely, sticking her chin out and daring to look at him. She pulled her feet under her.

What Lorelai lacked in energy, Luke seemed to gain. He felt suddenly empowered, motivated.

"Do you remember the first time we met?" he asked.

She looked puzzled by the change in subject, but she gave him a small smile. "When Luke met Lorelai?" He shrugged. "It must have been at Luke's right?"

"It was at Luke's. It was at lunch. It was a very busy day. The diner was packed. And this person…"

"Ooo, is it me? Is it me?"

"...this person comes tearin' into the place, in a caffeine frenzy…"

"Ooo, it's me."

"...I was with a customer. She interrupts me, wild-eyed, beggin' for coffee, so I tell her to wait her turn. Then she starts following me around, talking a mile a minute, saying God knows what. So finally I turn to her and I tell her she's being annoying. 'Sit down, shut up' I'll get to her when I get to her."

"You know, I bet she took that very well. 'Cause she sounds just delightful."

"She asked me what my birthday was. I wouldn't tell her, she wouldn't stop talking, I gave in and I told her my birthday. Then she opened up the newspaper to the horoscope page, wrote something down, tore it out, handed it to me. So I'm looking at this piece of paper in my hand and under 'scorpio' she had written 'You will meet and annoying woman today. Give her coffee and she'll go away.' So I gave her coffee."

"But she didn't go away."

He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. "She told me to hold onto that horoscope, put it in my wallet, and carry it around with me. One day it would bring me luck." He pulled a small piece of paper out of his wallet and handed it to her.

Lorelai was shocked. She took a deep breath. "Well, man, I will say anything for a cup of coffee… Um, I can't believe you kept this. You kept this in your wallet?" He nodded. "You kept this in your wallet."

"Eight years."

"Eight years."

He took the horoscope from her and put back in his wallet. "Long before I ever met Nicole Leahy." He looked directly into her eyes.

The gesture had knocked her off-kilter. As she tried to process everything that was happening, she wondered how she lost the upper hand. She said the only thing that was bouncing around in her head, "I can't believe you kept that horoscope."

He smiled, trying to make light of it. "You're just lucky I never clean out my wallet."

"Oh, no," she said, grabbing the empties and getting up. She headed toward the kitchen. "You can't take it back now. You've exposed yourself. You've been pining for me."

"I have not been pining," he said, close on her heals.

She stopped at the counter, set the bottles down on the counter and turned around. As she headed back toward the living room she chuckled and said, "I'm your Ava Gardner."

"God help me," he replied, then grabbed her arm to stop her.

She faced him. "What are you doing?" she asked. She wasn't angry or upset, just muddled.

"Would you just stand still?" he asked, clearly exasperated. She did. Then his lips were on hers and she was lost in the sweetest, most satisfying first kiss she had ever experienced. When he finally pulled back, all she could think about was that she wanted more. "I know you want this, too," he said, almost pleading, "Tell me you want this."

Her brain tried to catch up. "Of course I want this," she replied. "I love you."

As she heard the words come out of her mouth, alarm bells went off in her head. She gasped, hands flying to cover her mouth, and jumped backward, firmly landing with her back to the door of Rory's room. Luke just stood there, staring at her in shock.

"Please don't tell me you didn't mean that," he managed to say.

"Well I didn't mean to SAY it!" She looked down and her voice got much quieter. "It's too soon!"

Luke smiled and stepped toward her. "Lorelai… eight years… don't you think we've earned it?"

"...earned…?"

"Being in love. Don't you think we've earned it?"

Lorelai's hands dropped slowly away from her mouth and were replaced by a smile. "We?"

A shy smile appeared on Luke's face.

"So you…?" she asked.

"God help me, I think I do."

And they were kissing again, and she forgot to be scared. His hands were in her hair and his arms held her to him. Her hands wandered to his back and neck, knocking his cap off. They kissed softly, then deeply, then passionately, then softly again.

Eventually she pulled back just enough to murmur against his lips, "Tell me about the raven again." But didn't give him time to answer.

He smiled as he returned the kisses. Kissing turned into necking as he replied, "You put the sun in the sky for me, Lorelai." They both laughed. "That sounded stupid."

"No, it didn't." He looked at her incredulously. "Well, okay, it did, but I loved it."

The necking resumed and went on for several minutes before Luke said, "Tell me again why you stayed away from the diner."

"Because I couldn't stand to see you with that woman," she said between kisses.

When they pulled apart again, Luke leaned his forehead on hers. "Lorelai?"

"Mmhmm?"

"Nicole and I broke up two and half months ago."

"I know," she whispered.

His brow furrowed. "Why have you been avoiding the diner for the last two and a half months?"

"I haven't been."

He sighed, "Are we going to have the same conversation again?"

Lorelai looked down and chewed her lower lip, then said, "It hurt too much."

"What… what hurt? I don't understand."

Lorelai's voice got louder as she became exasperated. "You married her, Luke. You chose her. You chose _her_."

"I didn't… I don't…"

"Everybody told me that you had a thing for me. Sookie, Patty… even Rory. But you _married her_."

"One of the biggest mistakes of my life."

"So you said, but then you went back to her."

"Well, technically, she came back to me. And I _had to try_ , Lorelai. I made the commitment. It may have been a mistake, but I had to at least try to make it work. And I didn't think that you were interested."

"Well, I was!"

"Well I didn't know that!"

"You never asked!"

"I asked for your thoughts on whether I should even go on that vacation and you said I should!"

"Well, I was confused then. You never said that you were interested in me. You had a girlfriend. And I was jealous, but I was confused. I had time to think it over while I was in Europe with Rory and when we came back you were MARRIED!"

"I made a mistake!"

"And then you gave me that necklace and I thought you… and when Nicole came back…" Lorelai calmed down and gathered her thoughts for a moment. She looked up at him again. "Luke, it hurt too much to be reminded that you wanted her and not me."

"I didn't… Lorelai." He gave her an exasperated look.

"I get it, now, Luke. I do. Let's put it behind us, okay?"

He smiled. "Okay." And they were kissing again. This time, her body was pressed so tightly against his that her actions ceased to be all about her lips. The feelings of affection morphed into feelings of need. Sighs became moans. Light, velvety touches of tongues became more frequent, more urgent. His heart rate picked up and her breathing became heavy.

Luke pulled back again. "Lorelai?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you free tomorrow night?"

"Yeah, I'm free. What are we doing?"

"I have a some thoughts."

"Alright, but no taking me to an art museum after hours and then to an empty Hollywood Bowl where you'll give me a pair of diamond earrings that you bought with your college money when all the time you're really in love with your best friend the drummer who's posing as our driver for the evening."

"Okay, I'll think of something else."

"Wait, you're not leaving, are you?" She asked. "I mean, tonight's not over, right?"

He smiled at her. "Doesn't have to be." He kissed her again. "But maybe we could move this to the couch?"

Lorelai's smile widened. She leaned in and kissed his neck from collar bone to ear saying, "I have a better idea. Let's go upstairs." Then she pulled back enough to look into his face and gage his reaction.

One eyebrow raised, Luke said, "A minute ago you were worried about moving too fast."

She shrugged. "In for a penny, in for a pound." Her eyes went to his lips. She kissed him softly, but with an obvious longing. "Am I moving too fast for you?"

He kissed her back, more urgently, and pulled her tighter against him. "Hell, no."

They slowly made their way up the stairs.

Rory would come in an hour later after a meh date to find a flannel shirt in the hallway and baseball cap on the kitchen floor. She would head into her room, smiling and thinking "It's about time."

Lorelai slept soundly that night, tucked up against Luke. Her dreams were Nicole-free.


End file.
